AdScam/The Horror!

The Christmas Crapola begins.

You have to laugh at the news that all the pathetic light beers, or Nuns Piss, as I prefer to call them, are doing Christmas promotions. MolsonCoors is giving us the Beercracker which is assigning the functional holiday accessory a new role: cracking open a beer. Designed to supplant the easily lost bottle opener or churchkey. Hey guys your Nuns Piss is so weak, you can flip the cap off with your thumb. Miller High Life is introduced the Merry High Light, which the brand describes as a 2.5-foot tabletop light-up tree designed to evoke “the nostalgic dive bar smell of sweet tobacco.” Surely, they mean “Stale” tobacco. It will be available for a mere $120. Who, in their right fucking mind, is going to pay $120 for that shit. 

When you can buy me for $120. 

Tiresome Truck Talk.

Over at MediaPost DRIVETIME, there’s a way over the top review of the Toyota Tacoma truck. It goes on and on for thousands of words and includes the odd gem, such as... “It is truly a Badass Adventure Machine!!!” But more often than not it numbs your brain with shit like this... “An all-new available front stabilizer bar disconnect system increases suspension flex at the push of a button. With the front stabilizer bar disconnected, Tacoma’s articulation increases significantly compared to the current model of the truck. Hands-free tailgate closing is also possible, thanks to the auto-close function activated by simply pushing up the tailgate with your knee.” So, it’s hands free, but not knee free?  

It’s just a fucking truck! 

 

If you work in NYC... Beware...

With the news today that a “New York woman fell down garbage chute to her death,” I am reminded of the time back in the nineties, when I was permalancing at Y&R. They were housed in an old, but still splendid building at 40th and Madison. The elevators creaked and groaned. Then one day, as a woman entered. The elevator car dropped and cut her in half. Unfortunately, there was a already a couple in the car. They were stuck for two hours with half a body, ‘til the fire brigade rescued them. Un-fucking-believable...  

Which half would you like? 

A very important question.

With the announcement yesterday That Alaska airlines will buy rival Hawaiian airlines for $1.9 billion, I have one supremely important question... Will each airline keep the same logo, perhaps making Hawaiian’s Wahine Koa wear furs and Alaskan’s Eskimo wear a bikini? Further proof that here at AdScam, we only discuss the really important shit. 

Bollocks... 

Double bollocks...  

 

Branson going bust?

News yesterday from Richard Branson that there will be no further investments in Virgin Galactic. He has ruled out putting more money into his uber lossmaking space travel company, saying his business empire “does not have the deepest pockets” anymore. Virgin Galactic, which was founded by Branson in 2004, last month announced it was cutting jobs and suspending commercial flights for 18 months from next year, in a bid to preserve cash for the development of a larger plane that could carry passengers to the edge of space. Funny how you can lose money on something that charges $450,000 per seat, per flight. And never forget, Branson is the classless fucktard who got a New York hotel receptionist fired ‘cos she addressed him as Mr. Branson and not Sir Richard. 

What a pillock... 

The goods on Goodby...

There’s a splendid article over at Investor’s Business Daily all about my good mate, Jeff Goodby. Well worth a read. Pour yourself a breakfast beer and check it out.  

Cheers. 

Elon rubs it in...

You have to wonder just what the fuck is going on in Elon “King Twat” Musk’s head on any given day. As has been well reported he lashed out during an interview at the New York Times’s DealBook Summit on Wednesday. “If somebody’s going to try to blackmail me with advertising, blackmail me with money. Go fuck yourself,” the billionaire said. He then repeated "Go, fuck yourself.” Adding that he wanted this to be clear. Many big advertisers are already pissed off with Musk’s actions and impulsive moves over the past year. This aint gonna help. 

Neither will this piece of shit.  

Big is not necessarily better.

Oh dear, Jeff Bezos is still having problems with Koru his monster yacht. When it was being built, city officials in Rotterdam initially agreed to dismantle De Hef, a 95-year-old bridge, so that Koru could pass through it. But after uproar from the community — including calls to throw eggs at the boat as it passed. Finally, the yacht was towed to a different location to have its masts attached. Now the $500 million monster is having problems finding a place to park. It’s more than 400 feet long, which is one of the reasons that has played a role in preventing it from keeping company with other private yachts in Port Everglades, Fla., where it is anchored. Instead, the mega yacht is hanging with huge ugly oil tankers and general container ships. Ms. Sanchez is not amused. 

Bloody oil tankers!!! 

 

.  

 

Ad Blitz Bollocks. .

My good friend, Bill Clark, points us in the direction of a Wall Street Journal piece, “Advertising is dead. Long live advertising.” which discusses the fact that we are being bombarded with non-stop ads during virtually all our daily activities. This is leading to “Ad Blindness,” because companies are “putting ads in places where consumers are on task, like buying their groceries, and there is no good way for the human brain to process all that information.” Or as someone asked... “The big question is: ‘How many ads is a human willing to tolerate every day of their lives?’” To which I would add, particularly when the ads are getting shittier by the day. 

That last ad was the last straw! 

More Ridley on his Birthday.

There’s a flushed-out version of my Tuesday Ridley Scott AdScam post over at MoreAboutAdvertising. It also has links to some of Ridley’s great TV spots. I never shot anything with Ridley, but I did shoot a couple of spots with his brother Tony when I was the “Agency Fireman” at Dorlands. I still can’t get over the fact that "Rid" is as old a geezer as me. But I’ll gladly toast him with my breakfast beer. 

Cheers.