AdScam/The Horror!

More Musk Menagerie Mockery.

This just in... A Delaware state court judge has thrown out the 2018 pay package that helped to make Elon “King Twat” Musk the richest wanker in the world. Delaware Chancery Court Chancellor Kathaleen McCormick, who oversaw the bench trial that concluded in November 2022, ruled yesterday that Musk and the Tesla board “bore the burden of proving that the compensation plan was fair, and they failed to meet their burden.” The 303 million split-adjusted stock options that Musk had received as part of the package are worth $51 billion today. More than enough for him to buy a few more social media companies and turn them into a pile of shit.   

But... He’ll need a lot more of this. 

 

Want brain dip with your brain chip?

You will be thrilled shitless to hear that Neuralink, another of Elon “King Twat” Musk’s many companies has just implanted the first brain chip into a human subject. Yes, fuck all this panic about AI taking over the world. It’ll be an army of Tesla Androids. We are told that the dumb fuck who volunteered to be the first recipient of a brain chip is “recovering well.” Which is a bit different from earlier reports that numerous lab monkeys were euthanized as a direct result of the damage caused by the implanted brain chip. In response, Musk has publicly stated that no animals have ever died due to a Neuralink implant. Notice he said “Animals.” Not a word about humans.  

I feel perfectly human! 

For your delirious delectation...

As I posted yesterday, I was writing a piece for ace British ad site... MoreAboutAdvertising. Well, it’s up now, titled “George Parker: A view from a Decrepit Denier of Datametrics.” and it’s fucking brilliant... He said modestly. So, get your arse over there and read it over your first breakfast beer.

Modest Indeed!!! 

When ads were worth watching.

As I write a piece for MoreAboutAdvertising, I pulled up a video I was involved in when working as “Copy Chief” (Remember them?) Nahhh. At DeGarmo back in the sixties. It’s for CBS New York. And it was primarily the work of fellow DeGarmo’er, R.O. Blechman. Brilliant stuff. Enjoy.  

R. O. 

 

Bezos... Eat your heart out.

Two news items today which demonstrate how the poor struggling billionaire is forced to live a not quite luxurious lifestyle. His $485 million yacht, Koru, will now be dwarfed by the M5, a massive new $2 billion superyacht that doubles as a submarine and can dive 820 feet underwater. Equipped with such necessities as a curated wine cellar, two swimming pools, assorted toys and a crew of 40, no word on a submersible Lauren Sanchez figurehead. In other news, the worst muscician in the world... Kenny G. is trying to stop his ex-wife from making him sell his Malibu estate... Which he currently rents to Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez for $600,00 a fucking MONTH. Yes, that's $600,000 a fucking MONTH. 

He did it first!!! 

 

 

 

Cheese eating surrender monkeys lead the pack.

According to Forbes magazine “Publicis is the new king of Madison Avenue.” Zoot Alors... Wouldn’t have happened in my Mad Man days. There would have been smashed martini glasses all over the floor of the bar at “The Rainbow Room.” Used to drink there for free, ‘cos I did all the ads for them whilst “Copy Chief” (remember them?... Nahhh.) at DeGarmo in the sixties, long before most of you were born. Apparently, Publicis’s success is due to their ability to “capture the shift in their clients spend towards first party data management, commerce and business transformation.” I have no idea what the fuck that means. I’ll stick to chiefing copy.  

Ah... The good old days.  

Fly the increasingly unfriendly skies of Boeing.

The latest fuck up for Boeing occurred at the weekend at Atlanta International Airport when a nose wheel fell off a Delta Air Lines Boeing 757 passenger jet and rolled away as the plane lined up for takeoff. According to a preliminary FAA notice, none of the 184 passengers or six crew onboard were hurt in the incident, The report said the aircraft was lining up and waiting for takeoff when the “nose wheel came off and rolled down the hill”. If you are going to be flying in the near future, you might want to check out Kayak, an online travel agent, which has updated filters to allow you to exclude flights that use Boeing’s totally fucked up 737 Max planes. Or you might just want to stay home.  

Bit by bit...

 

Dimon’s are a Trumps best friend.

I had to laugh when I read that Jamie Dimon thinks “Trump was kind of right about a lot of things.” Speaking at the Davos “Wank-Fest” last week the chair and CEO of JPMorgan Chase, the largest and most profitable bank in the United States, and one of the most influential CEOs in the world – heaped praise on Der Trumpf’s policies while president. “Take a step back, be honest,” Dimon said. Trump “was kind of right about Nato, kind of right on immigration. He grew the economy quite well. Tax reform worked. He was right about some of China.” He should have also said... “He helped me trouser $36 million a year salary and increased my net worth to more than $2 fucking billion." What a slimy fucktard.  

Dimon's bed time reading!

 

 

Lippert Loops One!!!

My good mate, Barbra Lippert, has a funny piece “Ready for the Hiroshima split-level?” over at MediaPost. It’s all about the bastardization of English in current marketing. Here’s the comment I left... What’s in a name, indeed. Reminds me of the time back in 2014 when JWT announced to the world that they were no longer an Ad Agency but were now "Cultural Anthropologists." They even hired someone to head up a department of neuroscience, consumer psychology and cultural anthropology. That lasted less than a couple of years, then they went back to being an ad agency. However, to prove that no one in advertising knows anything about anything. They then changed their name from J. Walter Thompson to JWT, then changed back to J. Walter Thompson a couple of years later.

Fucktards do Faggotory! 

Apple Freaks didn’t Freak!!!

Following up on my post on Friday about the launch of the nearly $4,000. Apple Vision Pro headset and how it would be eagerly grabbed by the Apple Freaks. Well, guess what? It didn’t happen. The gizmo didn’t come close to selling out as was expected. Apart from the price, maybe it’s cos it weighs a ton, Apple itself has only developed 15 spatialized stock apps. and third-party interest is also low with Netflix, YouTube, Spotify and others revealing they have no plans to create spatialized versions of their apps for the device. As Ace Canadian AdScamer “Ray - Eh” points out in a comment... Prince Parker You're getting one of those for Christmas this year. Imagine you get to enjoy Kate Moss in all her glory with those things on! Speaking of, it's Friday. WHERE ARE THE PICS??? Cheers Ray Toronto, Canada. OK, OK, O “fucking” K.  Here you go!

AdScam Apple keyboards. A steal at $4.000.