AdScam/The Horror!

Cannes is coming... Yawn!!!

Further proof that the ad biz Is well and truly fucked... News today that wannabe BDHC, Stagwell, has just announced its first-ever beach presence at the Cannes Festival in June that it’s calling “Sport Beach.” It says the venue is dedicated to “the unifying power of sport and fandom.” Whatever the fuck that means!!! I’ve always assumed it means spending big bucks on sports stars who will promote your golf clubs, before going off to fuck the more easily available fans. Still... What the fuck do I know. I once worked on a campaign for Jockey Golf attire featuring “Champagne Tony Lima.”  A really nice guy. The day before the Campaign was about to launch, he and his wife where killed in a plane crash. I said we should still run the ads, but with a black border. Client wouldn’t buy it, Wanker.

What a guy...

Yes... It’s T.G.I.K.M.F.

Enjoy... Especially Ray-Eh!!!

 

Muzza doesn’t Mess About.

Andy Murray pulled off another miraculous come from behind win last night in the Australian Open. In a second-round match that lasted nearly six hours and ended at four in the morning, Muzza (That’s his nickname in the British sporting press) recovered from a two-set deficit to win the final three sets. All this even through the umpire denied his request to go for a pee before the final set... Muzza replied... “It’s so disrespectful that the tournament has us out here until three, fucking four in the morning and we’re not allowed to take a piss.” Next time I’m sure he’ll piss on the umpire’s shoes.

My dear wife loved Muzza... Almost more than me...

Life’s a gas... Sometimes.

More and more things don’t add up. In fact, as time goes by and you become an old geezer like me, fuck all adds up. What the hell am I whining about? I just read that “Party City” has filed for bankruptcy. It’s the largest party goods and Halloween specialty retail chain in the United States, and as I have written in the past, America spends umpteen billions of dollars on fake holiday costumes and shit, including a sizable chunk on pet costumes. So, what could have gone wrong... Guess what. The company had to contend with a helium shortage during the pandemic, which hurt balloon sales. Balloons are a “focal point of our growth strategy and are a key driver of our differentiated brand experience,” the company explained.  

After sniffing Helium... Get it... Nahhh.

Beer... Beer... Inglorious Beer...

So, Anheuser-Busch is graciously allowing other booze companies to share airtime with it during the up-coming Super Bowl. The makers of Nun’s Piss are only buying three minutes of airtime to promote it’s various tasteless brews. Thus, allowing Molson Coors, Diageo and Remy Martin to buy their share of the $7 million 30 second spots that viewers will miss when they go to take a pee. A-B has had an alcohol exclusivity agreement since 1989. And in every year, sales have gone down.

Maybe now I can take some time off.

Bob Hoffman. Curmudgeon Extraordinaire.

Over at MoreAboutAdvertising there’s a nice piece about my mate and fellow curmudgeon, Bob Hoffman and his recent decision to stop posting his weekly rant about the current state of the ad biz. Titled... “Why I’m no longer very interested in today’s advertising.” It spells out the many things that are wrong with what used to be a worthwhile way to make a shitload of money whilst creating work you could be proud off. No more. But not to worry. Bob won’t stay on the sidelines for long.

What a crusty old geezer. Takes one to know one.

Congratulations Ann...

The usual working reign of the vast majority of CMO’s at BDC’s (Big Dumb Clients) is less than two years. Therefore, about to retire, Ann Lewne’s stint of sixteen years as CMO of Adobe is remarkable, and is likely a world record, if such a thing exists. If it doesn’t, I’ll create one.

Winner of AdScam’s CMO “Balls of Steel” Award.

Boo... Hoo...

Oh dear, oh dear... It would appear that Goldman Sachs has missed its anticipated fourth-quarter profit estimates due to a steep decline in investment banking and asset management revenue. But not to worry, there’s no doubt CEO David Solomon will still be able to order his new Lamborghini and luxury yacht. With a net worth of over $100 million, and trousering $35 million last year alone, he’ll get by.

Try Banking!!!

Speaking of rich fucktards...

Yes... The World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, is about to take place again. Nearly 3,000 attendees are registered for the uber-expensive event. Among them are heads of state, business royalty, actual royalty, media wankers and academic douchenozzles. Over caviar and champagne, they will come up with solutions to all the world’s problems, then climb back into their private jets and get home in time for their caviar champagne to have chilled. Hey... It’s tough at the top, but someone of great moral fortitude has to do it.

Guess who’ll be there... Ka Ching!!!

Apple Freaks Rejoice...

Apple CEO, Tim Cook, is making the ultimate sacrifice by agreeing to take a 40% reduction in his pay package. This means it will be reduced to a paltry $49 fucking million. The original target for his compensation for 2022 was $84m, although he actually received $99.4m. This included $630,600 in personal security costs (bodyguards and shit) and $712,500 for his use of a private jet. (not having to mix with the sweaty hoi polloi) Cook, who’s net worth is $1.7 billion, trousers 1,447 times more than the wage of an average Apple serf.

No... Richer...