AdScam/The Horror!

Twitter Tumultuousness..

It’ll be interesting to see how Twitter’s new CEO, Linda Yaccarino makes out in her new job. Mind you, she is going to have to change her tune. For the past dozen years at NBCUniversal, she’s spent all of them fighting social media companies for the billions of dollars that advertisers divide up every year between old and new media. Still, under the tutelage of boss Elon “King Twat” Musk, I’m sure she’ll do well, until she doesn’t. Then, it’s under the bus time. Hope for her sake she’s got a cast iron contract!

I'll take good care of her... Tee-Hee-Hee!

Yes... It’s T.G.I.K.M.F. Again.

Enjoy!!!

 

More on the “Nuns Piss” problem.

Over at the UK’s Daily Mail there’s an interesting article about how a beer analyst has pinpointed when Anheuser-Busch began its billion-dollar decline. He claims it started when the brand shifted away from concentrating its marketing around sport and humor. The analyst, a 30-year veteran of the beer business, said the brewery was doomed as soon as family patriarch - August Anheuser Busch III - retired from the company in 2006, because he was the guy who knew that sports and humor were the most effective way to reach the fucktards dumb enough to drink Nuns Piss. As he put it so succinctly, “I feel bad for Bud Light, and I feel bad for the employees (You know who they are) and distributors who have to go out in the market and deal with this bullshit.”

The Employees!!!

Jamie says... “No problemo!”

Jamie Dimon, CEO of JPMorgan Chase, is taking care of the current banking scare by convening a weekly “War Room” to take care of all this shit. This is the guy who trousers $34.5 million every fucking year. So, he certainly has “No Problemo.” Remember, he was in charge when the “London Whale” blew $6.2 billion in dodgy trades for JPMorgan back in 2012. Jamie said “Mea Culpa” and reduced his yearly income from $30 million to $15 million. The next year he gave himself a $15 million bonus. So, no problemo indeed.

I’ll take care of everything. Particularly, myself.

No Nuns Piss for cowboys.

Apparently, sales of Bud Light are continuing to crater, particularly in the Rocky Mountains where they are down 29 percent, with the South Atlantic, West North Central and East South Central all dropping 25 percent. Here’s best the bit that almost made me choke on my breakfast beer (Which is definitely not Nuns Piss, but a solid British style IPA) The Tumbleweed, a cowboy bar in Wyoming, ditched Bud Light after the controversy – instead plumping for Guinness. Wow, not much of a fucking difference there. Ya think theses wannabe cowboys have the bollocks to take a real brew like Guinness?

They can if it come served correctly!!!

They’ve finally started to nail him...

Federal prosecutors have charged Representative George (The truth and nothing but the truth) Santos with 13 counts of money laundering, stealing public money, wire fraud and making false statements to Congress. Prosecutors said the charges resulted from “fraudulent schemes and brazen misrepresentations” designed to mislead donors, enrich Mr. Santos and win his seat in Congress as a Republican. As you would expect that towering heap of jelly, House Speaker, Kevin McCarthy, tells us that Santos will be allowed to continue to serve in Congress even after being indicted on federal charges. “I’ll look at the charges. If he hasn’t shot someone on Fifth Avenue, he can continue trousering the $174 thousand dollar salary he deserves after so much honest effort to get here. Plus... I need his vote.”

Is he going to introduce Der Trumpf on CNN tonight?

Republicans speak out of their arse. Again...

You have to laugh, or perhaps cry, when you read the rection of Republican lawmakers defending Der Trumpf after he was found guilty of sexual assault and defamation and hit with a $5 million fine in the E. Jean Carrol civil case in New York. “That jury’s a joke. The whole case is a joke,” Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.) told reporters on Tuesday. ... “It makes me want to vote for him twice,” Sen. Tommy Tuberville (R-Ala.) said when asked about the verdict. Wonder what they’ll say when he fulfils his promise to shoot someone on Fifth Avenue?

Be careful what you wish for.

Melania moves onward and upward!!!

You will be thrilled shitless to hear that former first lady Melania Der Trumpf has announced that she supports her philandering husband’s bid for reelection in 2024, adding that it would be “a privilege” to serve as first lady again. Then she can get to do those abysmal Christmas decorations once more. To quote her... “My husband achieved tremendous success in his first administration, and he can lead us toward greatness and prosperity once again. He has my support, and we look forward to restoring hope for the future and leading America with love and strength.” No question that Stormy and Ivanka will become an integral part of this leadership team, whilst Jared is sorting out the Saudi investments. No, you can’t make this shit up.

Obviously, I have a brand new prenup!

Dentsu Demolishes AmEx!

Over at MoreAboutAdvertising there’s a piece about the new campaign for American Express Platinum. It features a truly dreadful TV spot, that is a perfect encapsulation of how far down the shit encrusted drain the ad biz has fallen. Here’s the comment I wrote... “What a load of tripe. Every cliché known to idiots. As for that music… Holy shit. I would suggest that the wankers at Dentsu “Creative!!!” who cobbled together this travesty, be locked in a room until their eyes bleed whilst watching all the great work Ogilvy did for AmEx over the years.”

It's worse than the bookies shitter in Train Spotting.

Conference Cobblers...

The never-ending bullshit of ad biz conferences continues unabated. I just received an invitation to sign up for AdAge’s “Web3 Marketing Trailblazers” event. Apparently, their definition of Web3 is open-ended and includes the use of virtual technology (i.e. games, influencers, fashion), NFTs, blockchain, cryptocurrency, generative AI and/or mixed reality. I have no fucking idea what any of that means. But, if I was an over paid exec at a BDA or BDHC, I’d happily spend a load of corporate dollars to sign up and find out. Not to mention, “networking” over cocktails, golf, tennis, surfing, shagging, etc.

Your conference invitation just arrived!