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Because he has declared he is running for President in 2024 and all federal candidates are required to file their financial disclosure, It is with shock, horror and dismay that we learn Der Trumpf is making next to fuck all from his brilliant, “not so bigly” social media network “Untruth – Unsocial.” He has in fact, trousered the princely sum of just about two hundred dollars. At least he hasn’t filed for bankruptcy... Yet!!!
But, is the gold really gold?
That means it’s time for T.G.I.K.M.F...
Enjoy.
It’s always funny when you read about U.S. Presidents boasting about their ethnic roots. (So, why didn’t they stay there?) The latest gaffe was when President Biden spoke proudly of his Irish roots during his first day in Ireland – so much so that what he said at an Irish pub stirred a shit storm in Britain. Apparently, he was paying tribute to his cousin, a rugby player whose Irish squad defeated the dominant All Blacks of New Zealand in 2016. But he instead referred to "Black and Tans," the pejorative name given to British police recruits assigned to fight the Irish Republican Army in the 1920s. "He was a hell of a rugby player, and he beat the hell out of the Black and Tans," Biden said whilst quaffing a pint of Guinness at The Windsor Bar and Restaurant in Dundalk.. Obama never boasted about Kenya, even though Der Trumpf always claimed he was born there.
But not the Black and Tans.
Now that he’s in the market for wife number six, prospective brides for the 92-year-old “Wizened of Oz” should read this in The Guardian... “Rupert Murdoch reportedly divorced Jerry Hall by email.” Lots of interesting, gory stuff there, including this... “On the first day of Lent in February, Hall told friends she made an effigy of Murdoch, tied dental floss around its neck, and burned it on the grill.” And this... “When doctors examined an X-ray of Murdoch’s back, they asked him about a number of previously broken vertebrae, which Murdoch suggested dated from an occasion when his third wife, Wendi Deng, “pushed him into a piano during a fight”. Oh fucking nice one, Wendy. I had the misfortune of working on the Sun account back in London in the seventies. Met him regularly. He was a nasty old fuck then. Now he’s a nasty ancient fuck.
I’ve bought you a piano for your birthday!
You will be thrilled shitless to hear that Mark Penn’s “Wannabe” holding company, Stagwell, took the wraps off its latest product today. It’s called “SmartAssets,” an AI-powered SaaS platform designed to help brands manage their content and assess performance. We are told in the usual garbage ad-speak that with-it brands can use data to optimize and forecast creative performance and make real-time changes to the creative based on data insights – Ah, yes indeed... Data... The almighty answer to everything in the fucking universe. Furthermore, a Stagwell spokes-hack assures us that it “will derive insights at scale to inform the creative process and expedite media strategy activation, allowing brands and agencies to unite their creative and media teams around one goal."
Or, as it was once so eloquently put...
Oh dear, as Fox News gears up for next weeks $1.6bn Dominion defamation trial, it has finally owned up to the obvious fact that Rupert Murdoch, "The Wizened of Oz,” is an officer of the company after denying it repeatedly through two years of litigation. Superior court judge Eric Davis called the delayed disclosure “bizarre,” then severely bollocked the Fox attorneys for having made representations that Murdoch wasn’t an officer of Fox News, only to reverse that position on the eve of trial. “I’m not very happy right now,” Davis said. “You have a credibility problem.” Talk about shitting in your own nest!!!
Meet the Fox News legal team.
I must say I was very impressed by the first spot promoting the upcoming movie “Barbie” (Who is now in her sixties!) This is the feature film Mattel and Warner Brothers have made about the legendary fashion doll with her pink-tastic personality summed up in the tagline... “She’s everything. He’s just Ken.” The first spot was a terrific “Homage” to the opening sequences of Kubrick’s masterpiece, 2001. Which is now, also in its sixties! The apes are little girls playing with dolls that look like babies. Then they come across the monolith which is no longer a giant cuboid, it is now a giant Barbie. The little girls smash up their dolls. No more of that baby shit. Speaking of which, the second spot has just been released... It’s shit.
Hal also likes it.
Sticking with the Bud Light transgender fiasco, Alissa Heinerscheid, Bud Light's vice president (of what?) said she wanted to update its 'fratty' branding with 'inclusivity' days before Dylan Mulvaney's partnership was unveiled. She claimed that the “Nuns Piss” beer had been in decline for a really long time. Perhaps that’s because it’s really shity beer. She stated that it was essential that the brand attract more female and younger drinkers because otherwise 'there will be no future for Bud Light.' What the fuck is wrong with that?
“Fratty” my "Bottom."
As further proof that Britain is getting as fucked up as America... News that Subway U.K. is celebrating Easter by introducing a “Butty” (That’s Brit chat for sandwich) featuring a Cadbury Crème Egg filling. As one Twitter user said, “This is the grossest thing Subway’s ever done and that’s saying a lot.” “Yeah, it’s really gross,” said another. As Subway spokes-hack Rusty Warren put it... “Our Italian White Bread and Cadbury Creme Eggs make the most flavorsome combination -- a perfect seasonal treat” No mate, it’s a piece of shit. Which is probably why they only made 500 for the entire country.
A real “Bacon Butty.”
Not to forget the “Chip Butty.”
Apparently, news just in that Harlan Crow, the Republican mega-donor whose gifts, favors and trips lavished on supreme court justice Clarence “Wanker” Thomas for over twenty years have come under the spotlight, has a private, and decidedly weird, collection at his home, including a garden of statues of dictators, including Hitler, Mussolini and Stalin; Nazi memorabilia; and paintings including two works by Adolf Hitler. However, claiming to be fair and balanced, Crow, also has paintings done by George W Bush next to a Norman Rockwell next to one by Hitler. Oh, that’s alright then!
Nice garden you've got there Mr. Crow!!!
