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Over at SocialMedia Insider, we are told that... “Meta’s Oculus VR headsets may put children’s privacy at risk.” Apparently, the Oculus headset is a popular gift for children, and some cybersecurity experts are voicing potential privacy concerns. Hey guys, I have a major concern... Who the fuck in their right mind buys a $400 headset for a child?
And I want them in gold!!!
Well, well, well. You will no doubt be thrilled shitless to hear that “Sexual-wellness” brand, Vella, wants women to enjoy better sex for 2022. To help, the creator of Vella pleasure serum, which was developed by the same sex-mad scientist who came up with Viagra, has launched a sex-life challenge to help make orgasms easier. In an Instagram campaign Vella is showing how women can prioritize their pleasure by taking part in a nine-point bingo card game that suggests ways to spice up the action. The suggestions include trying a new position, an evening of oral only, talking dirty, or a new sex toy. Hey... It's simple... How about a better performing guy?
Like me... Kate will stick to booze and fags.
In yet another sign that nothing lasts forever, even the bullshit Metaverse, word just out that Peloton, last years “Stock Fabuloso,” is temporarily halting production of all its products due to tanking consumer demand and more reasonably priced competition. Apparently, it’s now left with thousands of uber-expensive cycles and treadmills sitting in warehouses or on cargo ships, and it needs to reset its inventory levels. The planned production halt comes as close to $40 billion has been shaved off Peloton’s market cap over the past year. I have a brilliant idea, don’t buy a Peloton, buy an uber-expensive pair of VR goggles, then do your cycling in the Metaverse. Imagine how fit your avatar will be.
You can’t get much fitter than that!
In a further reflection of how fucked up everything is becoming, news today that M&M’s has updated its mascots “To represent a more dynamic and progressive world.” This means that Red will be less bossy. Orange will acknowledge and embrace his anxiety. Green, who will come across as more confident, has traded in knee-high boots for casual sneakers, while Brown has transitioned from high stilettos to lower block heels and a fresh pair of glasses.” Hey guys... It’s fucking candy. These are not actual people. Unless, that is, you intend to engage with them in the fucked up Metaverse.
Oh yeah... Hot Fungible Candy.
In recognition of its awfulness, this weeks “Polished Turd Award” goes to Lay’s potato chips for its Golden Grounds campaign. Scheduled to run during the Super Bowl this mind numbingly boring 90 second spot Explains how they dug up dirt from the various stadiums, transported it to Texas, then grew spuds in it before turning them into potato chips. There’s also some kind of promotion to win a bag of the special chips. Don’t know the details. I fell asleep before the end of the spot. I do have just one question though... If the current media rate for a Super Bowl 30 second spot is 6.5 million. Does that mean Lay’s will cough up nearly $20 million to run this piece of shit just once.
When Lay's did good ads...
The bullshit about the “Metaverse” continues to pile up. MediaPost tells us that Publicis Media's Starcom unit is doing a deep dive into the Metaverse. Wow, does that mean you’ll have to wear scuba gear as well as the giant VR goggles? Not to worry. We are assured that "The term 'metaverse' represents a vision of the next stage of the internet, where people can meet, work, be entertained and find information either in an alternative virtual space, or via a digital layer over the physical world." Funny, that’s what “Second Life” said when it was launched almost twenty years ago. That went well, didn’t it?
Welcome to AdScam's Metaverse!!!
Interesting piece over at the Guardian about the upcoming demise of Boris Johnson’s career as Prime Minister. Comparing Boris to Der Trumpf, it points out that Tax documents obtained by the paper show how Trump squandered a $413m inheritance in a series of losing plays in real estate and casinos. On his tax return in 2004, he declared $89.9m in net losses from core businesses the previous year. He then went on to earn $427 million for his years hosting The Apprentice, and a mere $1.6 million in actual POTUS salary for his years in the White House, hosting what is starting to look like the penultimate season of the United States of America. Suppose you could say the same about the current state of Britain.
Kate is not amused!
Fox fucktard presenter, Jesse Watters, had the nerve to blame President Biden as personally responsible for the recent Texas Synagogue hostage situation. He actually said this yesterday... "This guy wasn't on your radar? Mr. President, you gave him a visa two weeks ago to come into this country. What kind of visa was it? Did you vet him? Was he on a watch list? So, when he isn’t trying to correct all of Der Trump’s humongous number of cataclysmic fuck ups and trying to get the filibuster axed, POTUS is personally vetting and issuing visas for the thousands of people coming into the country. Obviously, Watters is a douchenozzle of the highest order.
Fox employee ethics guide!
Why am I not surprised to read that The Poisoned Dwarf’s S4Capital and Stanhope Capital Group have launched a new venture capital fund that the partners say will raise up $150 million to invest in early-stage technology companies serving the marketing and advertising industries. Never forget that His Gnomship bought over 600 companies when he was trousering millions at the Dark Star of holding companies. Are we seeing WPP Dejavue? The new fund is called S4S Ventures and it will invest in such fun filled areas as martech, adtech, dicktech, (I threw that one in.) data technology, creative technology, (What makes technology creative?) and emerging digital media/content. And just to press all the buttons du jour... Metaverse-focused startups will warrant investment as well as new digital media platforms designed to capture the attention of Gen Zers. It all sounds boring as shit with virtually no connection to advertising. Lots of easy dosh though.
Gen Z Explained.
You know the latest TechNozzle craze is getting out of control when Fortune tells us that “Walmart is preparing to go big on the metaverse, with its own NFT’s and crypto.” Yes, Walmart of all places is planning on meeting it’s customers in the metaverse. How many Walmart customers do you think have a fucking clue what the metaverse is? The article tells us that the retailer sought several new trademarks in December that show it intends to make and sell virtual goods such as electronics, decor, toys, sporting goods and personal-care products. So Walmart will sell non-existent products for non-existent money that it’s fucktard customers have bought with real money. Sounds like a plan!!!
High Fashion in the Walmart Metaverse!
