AdScam/The Horror!

Happy birthday Liz!!!

Yes, today April 22^nd is Queen Elizabeth’s ninety sixth birthday. Shit, she’s older than me! Amazing really when you consider how many times Charles has crept into Mums bedroom with that pillow hidden behind his back. Coincidentally, today is also the 52^nd Earth Day. I remember growing up as a kid in WWII when all the school rooms had a map of the earth on the wall. The vast majority of the countries on the map were red. ‘Cos that was the color of the British Empire. Ah, the good old days... Apart from the bombs. God Save the Queen.

It’s also T.G.I.K.M.F.

 

Dogs doing their duty.

I’m sure that by now you have read all about “Patron, the bomb sniffing Jack Russell who has become a Ukrainian hero.” Two-year-old Patron works with State Emergency Service rescuers in the northern city of Chernihiv, where he sniffs out Russian bombs (in addition to warming laps, nipping sleeves and generally being a good boy). The little bugger has helped neutralize nearly 90 explosive devices since the start of Russia's full-scale invasion. I know how clever they are ‘cos I have one. Spencer. He’s about twelve years old. Not sure of his exact age, ‘cos we got him from the pound. My function in life is to act as his chauffeur when we take his car to stock up on essentials... Booze and fags. Etc. If anyone comes near his car he barks his brains out, ‘cos he thinks they’re going to try and steal it. No chance while he’s around. Smart little bugger.  

They are super intelligent.

Tea and no sympathy...

You have to wonder how fucking dumb so many people are to fall for some of the shit out there. Just look at beverages... MediaPost tells us that “Hoplark touts first Zero-Calorie non-alcoholic brew.” We are also informed that Hoplark will soon introduce Really Really Hoppy, which will be their take on a West Coast IPA using Simcoe and Citra hops and decaf black tea. Yes folks, no booze, just tea. Mind you, if you are truly looking for zero everything, get your arse over to Heineken’s site in the totally insane mega con job... Metaverse. There you can see how Heineken Silver delivers fuck all. No calories. No hidden ingredients. No taste. And... NO BEER!

Your BEER is ready Sir!

It’s tough at the top!!!

As I never get tired of telling you, the downfall of the once great ad biz began with the creation of the BDHC’s (Big Dumb Holding Companies.) Mostly run by bean counters whose main preoccupation is making the quarterly numbers, the quality of the end product has consistently fallen. Not so the salaries of the douchenozzles responsible for this fiasco. News yesterday that Interpublic’s Philippe Krakowsky received a ludicrous pay raise for 2021, his first year as CEO of the company. According to the firm’s recently released 2022 proxy statement, Krakowsky nearly doubled his total compensation in 2021 to approximately $17.3 million, up from about $8.8 million in 2020 when he was COO of the company. That’s a lot of dosh for doing what is basically an accountant’s job.

Then I discovered BDHC’s...

Tucker does Testicle Tanning!

It is a well-known fact that Tucker Carlson is Fox News number one fucktard, spouting bullshit to the MAGA “Morans” slavishly following his dreadful program. Now, he has topped himself in ridiculousness by telling us that American men’s testosterone levels are in total collapse. But, not to worry... He has a cure... You should stand naked and spread-eagle yourself on top of a large rock at twilight and gaze heavenward as a red laser illuminates your genitals. Carlson backs this up by bringing on his  expert “fitness professional” Andrew McGovern. McGovern recommends that you “expose yourself to red-light therapy and the Joovv” — a brand of red light — “that we were using in the documentary.” “Which is testicle tanning,” Carlson explains. Personally, I would call it “Junk” science.

Your “Joovv” has arrived...

Not your idea of a “Diner.”

I don’t know why, must have been a boozy dream, or something... But I looked up one of my old haunts, Nick’s Diner, on Google. To explain. ‘cos you have no idea what the fuck I am talking about. When Maureen and I moved back to England in the early seventies. Nick’s was one of our favorite dining establishments. Located on Ifield road in Fulham, it was frequented by Ad geezers and film production people (I actually shot a couple of spots there.) The food was good, and you could get monumentally pissed, ‘cos the staff would call you a cab and make sure you got home safely. I actually dug up a clip from the movie, “The Servant,” featuring a very young James Fox being ignored in Nick’s. Ah, the good old days.

That’s what the ad biz was all about...

Burn them thar books Baby...

In the “You can’t make this shit up category,” news from the loony state of Florida that “Florida rejects 54 math textbooks over ‘prohibited topics’ including critical race theory.” Florida’s Republican governor Ron DeSantis, of “Don’t say Gay” fame and believer that Disney is in bed with Communist China, welcomed the education department’s announcement and accused some textbook publishers of “indoctrinating” children with “concepts like race essentialism, especially, bizarrely, for elementary school students”. Never forget, Florida is the only state with proven election fraud. Two old geezers voted twice... Both times for Der Trumpf.

The Nazis did a good job with books!!!