AdScam/The Horror!

Bring back the “Three B’s.

I see that Old Spice is launching a campaign in partnership with Arby’s to combat “Meat Sweats” whatever the fuck that is. Makes change from when I used to work on it back in London. Everything then was based on the Three B’s Principle. That being... Boats... Birds & Boobs. Making it worthwhile was that ensured everything was shot in the South of France. Whilst I luxuriated in a suite at the Negresco. Loverrrly! A spoke hack for Old Spice tells us... “Scientists call this sweat-causing heat diet-induced thermogenesis -- that moment when you realize you’ve eaten way too much meat. We’re partnering around such a relatable experience that anyone who watches the spot can immediately consider grabbing Sweat Defense Dry Spray.” Oh yeah... That makes sense.

Never forget... The logo is a boat.

 

Boy, is this country fucked, or what?

News just in that a Subway customer in Atlanta shot two employees, cos they had put too much Mayo on his sandwich. However, a store manager unsuccessfully shot back at the customer, who then escaped. So, the good guy with a gun didn’t manage to take care of the bad guy with a gun. Obviously, we need more guys with guns. Good, or bad. Just get more guns.  It’s totally and completely fucked.

Don’t fuck with my Subway!

More Conference bullshit...

Anyone with more money than brains can sign up for yet another daft ad conference. As AdWeek so subtly puts it... “Where can you network, learn cutting-edge marketing techniques and sip cocktails on a yacht? Three words: Brandweek in Miami. This vibrant event will act as a crossroads for creative idea sharing, strategic problem solving, discussing the changing culture of today's workplace and identifying opportunities in the metaverse.” And it will only cost you a paltry... $3,499.00. Yes indeed. A mere $3,499.00. These people are bigger grifters than Der Trumpf.

While you’re at it... Contribute to my new airplane fund.

Awards Insanity...

As a follow up to my post of yesterday about WPP “Buying” first place in the race for most awarded BDHC at the Cannes Fuck Festival. They amassed a total of 176 Lions including 1 Titanium, 4 Grand Prix, 36 Gold, 47 Silver and 88 Bronze awards. As the individual entry fees were in the region of $1,250, that comes to almost a quarter million dollars. And if you consider that there must have been a lot of entries that didn’t place... Then you know they spent over ONE MILLION Dollars for a single award show. Is this business fucked, or what?

And the Lead Lion goes to ...

 

Me... Me... More Me...

For all you masochists out there who can’t get enough of my rants and raves. There’s a new one in todays best British ad trade site... MoreAboutAdvertising. This one concerns the Fascist Supreme Courts overturning of Roe V Wade and its effect on the ad world. It also tells you everything you need to know about “Real Tennis” What the fuck is that?

Not King George. King Henry.

 

Sleep with Trump... Ugh... Ugh...

In the “You can’t make this shit up” category, it appears that back in 1990, Playgirl magazine ran a competition where the winner could sleep with Der Trumpf. “He’s rich, almost single and yours for the asking. Here’s how [you can] get the Donald out of your dreams and into your bed,” it read. Unfortunately, or fortunately, the winner of this nauseating prize would discover that the “prize” to be won in the contest was a pillowcase with the Obergropenfuhrer’s face silk-screened onto it. With the pillow, they could “lie there whispering sweet nothings in his ear all night.” Just another Trumpian scam.

Guess who really wanted to win?

Holy shit!!!

This just in... “The House select committee investigating the Jan. 6, 2021, insurrection, unexpectedly announced a hearing for Tuesday afternoon, its sixth this month. In a statement, the bipartisan panel said it would “present recently obtained evidence and receive witness testimony.” They weren’t supposed to meet until next week. This must be something REALLY extraordinary. Can’t wait to see it.

Der Trumpf’s reaction!!!

Cannes Cobblers...

So, the Cannes Fuck Fest is over for another year. Millions of dollars, pounds and euros have been blown on hotels, restaurants, yachts and hookers. BDA’s and BDHC’s have blown a ton of dosh on entry fees (averaging $1,200 per item) Still there are so many categories, everyone gets a tchotchke. No surprise that WPP was named Creative Company of the Year. The award is presented to the company that accumulates the most points based on the number of Lions and shortlisted entries garnered during the Festival. In other words, you can buy your way to the title.

Wanna celebrate with some "Bolly."

Kate on Sunday!!!

I forgot do T.G.I.K.M.F. on Friday. “Cos, my brain is turning to porridge. So here’s some pics for your delectation. Cheers/George.

Enjoy.

 

 

 

A truly daft product...

Over at the Cannes Festival of Fuckery, the Grand Prix for AKQA's annual Future Lions has been awarded to a bunch of Swedish students for their "Ten Week Tee" campaign for Gymshark. The team created a t-shirt with workout instructions printed on them for people who experience "gymtimidation," or feel overwhelmed when new to the gym. After ten weeks of workouts the printed instructions are designed to fade away. Problem is, if you look at the video it would seem that no one is wearing the long sleeved shirt with instructions printed on the sleeve. Everyone is wearing a tank top. Maybe you can get the instructions tattooed on your chest.

Indeed...