AdScam/The Horror!

Musk’s Minimal Moolah Loss...

I am sobbing into my breakfast beer after reading that Elon Musk’s estimated fortune dropped to $245.1 billion this week, plummeting by about $20.3 billion in just seven days as Tesla’s share price ultimately ended the week down by 8.3%. Tesla underperformed the broader market. All told, Musk’s net worth has fallen precipitously since it jumped above $300 billion in early November, after Hertz announced plans to buy 100,000 vehicles from Tesla, sending the automaker’s market capitalization above $1 trillion for the first time. That trillion-dollar market cap is now in the rearview mirror. In the weeks since, Tesla’s valuation has fallen by about 24%, and Musk’s net worth has dropped by 23%. And the icing on the cake? Tesla was hit by a lawsuit over Musk's social media posts including his Twitter poll on stock sales that pulled down its stock prices. Back in 2019 in a settlement with the SEC, Tesla was required to “establish a new committee of independent directors and put in place additional controls and procedures to oversee Musk’s communications.” Looks like that worked... Right?

Breakfast time!!! (Click on it)

Peloton is pissed...

Oh dear... Pelotons troubles are escalating with the news that actor Chris Noth, who plays Mr. Big in the reboot of the Sex and the City abysmal series, will no longer appear in the company’s much-talked about video ad following reports alleging that he sexually assaulted two women. Still, the good news is that Ryan Reynolds will now be free to take on even more bad TV spot work. Perhaps with SIR Wanker Branson!

Kate rides a proper bike.

Justice has been served. Would you like extra fries with that?

I spilt my breakfast beer laughing at the news that the former McDonald’s CEO, Steve Easterbrook, who was ousted by the company in 2019 for having an “inappropriate” relationship with a subordinate, has returned $105 million in cash and stock to the company in one of the largest clawbacks in the history of corporate America. Apparently, during its investigation, McDonald’s said it found “dozens of nude, partially nude, or sexually explicit photographs and videos of various women, including photographs of these company employees, that Easterbrook had sent as attachments to messages from his company email account to his personal email account.” Why are so many rich fuckers totally dumb fuckers?

In retrospect, it wasn’t worth $105 million.

A Wanker Hires a Wanker...

Just the other day I wrote about Ryan Reynolds (Wanker) being in every fucking campaign these days. And now he’s signed on to promote Virgin Voyages for Richard Branson. (Wanker) In a truly awful video featuring the two Wankers. During which, Reynolds makes a point of repeatedly addressing Branson as SIR Richard. Obviously, he doesn’t want to share the fate of the New York hotel receptionist Branson had fired ‘cos the poor fucker referred to him as MR Branson.

How about SIR Wanker.

 

Why wait two years?

According to a study featured on MediaPost, more than a third of U.S. ad executives, on both the agency and client side, plan to leave their current jobs within the next two years, and many attribute it to the increasing complexity and lack of training and support they receive from their current organization. Maybe if they concentrated on producing ads that work, ‘cos they are original, not to mention, more creative... They would get more job satisfaction. No surprise that the study wraps it up with this piece of verbal clap trap... “Complexity in our digital media ecosystem is straining marketing teams, who are challenged with cobbling together disparate, point solutions to buy across the broad spectrum of media outlets with their own unique specifications and pricing methodologies.” Time to move.

AdScam's Iron-Clad Advice...

Bring your own money.

I posted about Publicis’s  “Work Your World” program a few days ago. Now there’s a video starring CEO Arthur Sadoun and Chairman Maurice Levy Paying “Homage” to every classic movie ever made. During the video they extoll the virtues of all the wonderful places you can spend your six weeks in. What they don’t mention is that you’ll have to fund the entire venture yourself. Travel, accommodation, food, booze, whatever. You may as well stay in Paris.

‘Cos the scenery is great!!!

Nike Delivers the bucks to Digital.

Reading that Nike has put its global media account into review (Wieden + Kennedy has held the creative part of the account since the dawn of time and will probably hold it until the lights finally go out) something very interesting popped up... The sneaker giant spent $245 million on media in 2021 according to research’s COMvergence. That includes about $120 million in the Asia Pacific region and $95 million in North America. And COMvergence estimates that close to 80% of the company’s ad expenditure is now digital and is making further investments in the digital domain as Nike's cretinous potential customers spend more time there. Holy shit... No more Super Bowl blow outs then. Just Twitter for Fucktards?

Meet your digital audience...

Golf Tards Rejoice.

MediaPost informs us that for some weird reason the COVID-19 pandemic has boosted interest in golfing.  The country club and golf course market in the U.S. as of February 2021 was worth $25.8 billion. That’s cos GolfTards love to blow big bucks on the latest thing that will definitely not improve their game. Back in my Mad Man days at Benton & Bowles in the sixties, they asked me what magazines I would like comp subscriptions to, I gave them a list. When they started to arrive, they included half a dozen golf mags. I told the mail room guy... “I didn’t ask for these. I don’t play golf.” He looked at me quizzically. “Everyone in advertising plays golf.” He replied.

Even my secretary played.

 

Calling Canada!!!

Ace Canadian AdScamer “Ray-Eh” wants me to comment on the much talked about emergency spot from Peloton, featuring a resurrected “Mr Big” claiming that he didn’t drop dead in the dreadful re-hash of “Sex and The City,” after flogging his geriatric heart to pieces on his Peloton. Personally, I don’t give a fuck. Plus, how many commercials a week does Ryan Reynolds do? And the rushed wrap up at the end sounds like all those dreadful warnings that you get at the end of drug spots... You know... May cause wooden legs to drop off, not to mention your dick. Will that do ya... Ray-Eh?

 I prefer football...

Musk... Is Time’s Douchenozzle of the Year.

So, it’s just announced that Elon Musk is Time’s “Person of the Year.” Wonder how much that cost him?  The Editor-in-Chief pointed out that Elon has had an “extraordinary influence for life on Earth and life off Earth, too. From the space industry, to the automobile industry, to his influence on social media with millions of followers. In his Person of the Year interview, Elon opened up about his “confidence” in the future of his Tesla cars, particularly as they allow you to play video games whilst not looking at the road and driving at a hundred miles an hour. He also plans to sell a few more billions of dollars-worth of Tesla stock on the advice of his rabid Twitter followers. It has fuck all to do with avoiding taxes. Honest!!!

No... It's for a year.