AdScam/The Horror!

Sorrell thinks Ad Week Wanks!

In case you missed it, the Poisoned Dwarf was out of the office again giving a speech at New York’s “Advertising Week.” And as “mister know it all;” his recommendation was to change the name of “Advertising Week.” Because as he so adroitly put it… “It’s something else week, but it’s not Advertising Week.” Hey, he should fucking know… He built WPP, the world’s largest advertising holding company out of a company that was called “Wire & Plastic Products,” which originally manufactured supermarket shelving and shopping trolleys, and still does. So, why don’t we start calling WPP “Wanky Personal Promotion?” Fuck all the wire and plastic bullshit.

I love Sir Martins wire on my arse when I'm pissed!

Sucky beer will always be Sucky beer!

In the never ending saga of how do we sell more “Nuns Piss” to the fucktards who are increasingly waking up to the idea that they should start drinking beer that tastes like beer instead of the effluvia of long dead rats… Coors Light has appointed 72andSunny as their agency of record… I can see it now… The Rap Stars du Jour singing inane lyrics about the “Jones” of weak beer as they cruise in their Escalade ve-hicles from trendy bar to trendy bar… Which actually only sell $1,000 bottles of “Crystal.” Nuns Piss. Hey… There’s a thought… How about $1,000 a bottle “AdScam” Fourth Reich Potato Vodka Nuns Piss… Each with a signature of you know who?

Fuhrer beer mit Fuhrer Nuns???

Rush says NASA is a nah nah!

In the “You Can’t Make This Shit Up” column, did you see that Rush Lardbaugh is now a Mars truther? He believes that NASA is spewing shit and lying out of its fucking arse about water on Mars, because it’s all part of the 666, Obama, leftist, socialist, fascist, Muslim agenda? As he points out, water on Mars has nothing to do with global warming. Well, that would depend on what planet you currently reside on. However, as the “Laird of Lard“ so eloquently put it… “What’s to stop them from making up something that happened on Mars that will help advance their left-wing agenda on this planet?” Shit Rush, you’ve never been wrong before, so why would we question you now?

Yeah... But apart from that...

Wireless Mania!

Loyal AdScamers may have noticed that I have been some somewhat tardy in posting for the last few days. No, not because of booze or Nazi rallies… I've been switching my wireless provider! We recently moved to a new survivalist bunker nestled between twin Idaho Alps. My AT&T phone no longer worked. I switched to Verizon. The people at the Verizon store transferred all my secret Hitler and Kate numbers, and I walked away a happy camper, until I tried to set up voice mail and shit… The cretins in the Verizon store didn’t tell me I had to go through hoops with AT&T to transfer account numbers, phone numbers, passwords and pictures of my dick in order to get basic phone service. I don’t do text, selfies, social media shit etc, etc… I just want to make and receive fucking phone calls. Is that too much to ask? Obviously. I have come to the conclusion that people who sell phones are of the same breed of people who sell cars. Once they’ve made the sale and got you off the premises. You might as well be fucking dead.

You should have signed with Fuhrer Fone!

Masochist joins MDC!

Signing up for one of the worst jobs in the world, Khartoon Weiss is joining MDC as Senior Vice President, business development. Senior MDC hack, Bob Kantor said this about the hire… “The members of our senior new business team serve as key partners to marketers in identifying the ideal model and teams to drive their businesses forward. With MDC’s entrepreneurial culture, we’re now poised to have even greater success building the types of partnerships for our partners and clients that generate measurable business growth.” The only fucking growth MDC has seen over the years has been the loot that Niles liposuction out of the company.

Not saying it'll be a tough job... But...

Words of wisdom from a wanky toff!

Richard “Call me Sir you serf” Branson, thinks that VW cheating the shit out of their diesel cars is a good thing. They should have invested in batteries, rather than diesel. It’s the way of the future he said, and then stepped on the back of his crouching valet as he climbed into the basket of his balloon. As he drifted skyward he shouted to the assembled news hacks. “Actually, fuck batteries; I’m sticking with hot air.” He should know, he’s generated enough over the years.

Essential kit for all Virgin employees!

Tom erred on erudition … Goodness, gracious!

My very best mate that I love to hang out with at the Four Seasons, when ever I am in New York… Obviously at his expense, Tom Messner ... Added a comment to my recent rant about FCB, Chicago’s unsurprising loss of the Kmart account… Shit my pants, etc scraping the bottom of the shitty “Trainspotting” bookies toilet, as I have posted ad nauseum before. I replied… I thought you knew more about the Paleolithic history of advertising than I did... It was Daniel Lord, not Dick Lord who was one of the founders of FCB... Dick Lord was My CD at B&B in my early Mad Man days. He then hired me at Warwick & Legler to work on amongst other accounts… Seagram’s… Enough booze to make you go blind! It’s all in “Confessions of a Mad Man.” Plus sex, drugs, rock & roll and every other perversion you can imagine. Loverrrrly!

Would you trust this guy to deliver your mail?

Wow… Fucking-A-Boola-Wow…

Didya see the great AdWeek Spread of “Blower-If-Ic” ads from the seventies. Funny when you consider how out there and obvious they were for the time. Where the fuck were all the religious freaks that have surfaced since then? Probably shagging around with their kith and kin. Plus, all those ads didn’t appear in the “Pig Squealer Gazette.” So, they were aimed at the communist dope smokers in Haight Ashbury.

Well dear, they did bring up a few titillating memories!

Yes… It’s Friday!

Queen of the AdScamers, Lisa Jay, who has a much more highly developed “Kate-Dar” than I do, has come up with a gem from the UK rancid rag “The Mirror,” showing Kate Moss and Cara Delevingne taking semi naked selfies in their hotel room in Milan. Never have knickers looked looked so good. Click on the link for bigger pictures. Loverrrrrrly!

Thank you Lisa!

Oh... And this was the mob outside the hotel.

The Sears Fat Lady Finally Sings!

The almost eleven month long agonizingly protracted review for the Sears account is finally over, Publicis has been hired. Havas has been retained… And FCB, Chicago has been fucked. No longer will we be shitting our pants, making big gas savings, or playing with our jingle balls on behalf of Kmart. Perhaps now Carter Murray will finally take Todd Tilford and the Adventure Team out behind the wood shed and blow their fucking brains out. As for Fastknickers and the rest of Chicago’s appalling FCB management team, Carter should either get rid of them or close the place down. Not that it will make much difference to Sears/Kmart… That’s one BDC that’s well and truly fucked anyway. But this could be Carter’s opportunity to clean house and resurrect what was once a great agency – Pre Draft days!

Message to the "Adventure Team!"