AdScam/The Horror!

Who gets Mitts Money?

Am I the only one who is somewhat appalled that apart from the never ending fucking Super Bowl hoopla, the media is now obsessed by the news that Romney, whilst weekending at his multi-million dollar Utah ski house has decided not to run, and lose, for the third time. Yes, that is newsworthy… But the whole emphasis on the reporting has been about whom will snarf up his mega bucks supporters. Yes folks… It’s all about the money. Fuck the politics… Show me the money! 

Political fund raiser at work!

We don’ need no stinkin’ Super Bowl!

I had to laugh when I read over at mediapost.com, the article titled… “No Surprises: Super Bowl Ads Revealed on YouTube, Social Media.” No shit Sherlock! I was driven to leave this comment… Enough already. Does the Super Bowl obsession have to last for weeks before and after the game. Can we re-set the clock to 1984? Remember the spot that started all the Super Bowl ad frenzy... It never ran before the game. It only ran once during the game. It never ran after the game. It has since been recognized as one of the best and most effective TV ads ever. A few lessons there for today's social media obsessed ad biz. Not that anyone will recognize them. The Super Bowl is turning into the US electoral cycle… It never fucking stops!

The "Official" magazine of the Super Bowl!

FCB pulls a blinder… Maybe!

Congrats to Carter Murray for his first big win – Michelob Ultra, since taking over the top job at FCB. I wish him well in his task… Turning the “Agency of the Past.” into the “Agency of the Present.” Fuck all that “Agency of the Future” shit that Howard never stopped rabbiting on about. Only ominous sign, AdAge says it will be handled out of Chicago… Word of advice to Carter. Don’t let Todds “Adventure Team” anywhere near it… You don’t want Michelob to “Shit my Beer.” Put it in New York… Lee will do you proud. No wonder everyone comes to AdScam for great advice. 

I don't get out of bed without consulting AdScam!

The bullshit will be over in three days!

I spent some time yesterday being interviewed for a piece in today’s “Washington Times.” Reporter, Chris White did a good job of pushing a pin into the balloon of Super Bowl hype; pointing us to a study by Communicus Research which shows only one in five ads on game day lead to a sale, whereas ads on other big events, such as the Oscars and Olympics, generate more brand association effectiveness… And, are way cheaper. Ad “Professor” Amit Joshi, makes the shitasmic claim that running a Super Bowl ad will not necessarily help sales and profitability. However, it will boost your stock price! But then what can you expect from a Professor of Advertising, who has never worked in advertising? God, I am getting so fucking bored with this non-stop Super Bowl bullshit!

'Nuff said!

If in doubt… Star fuck!

Once again, BBDO lives up to its reputation as the “Star Fuckers” of the millennium. Over the years they have pimped everyone from Michael Jackson, to Cindy Crawford, and for multiple clients, Jason Alexander, long after everyone had forgotten who the fuck he was. Now, on behalf of Snickers, they are doing the - We’ll put modern characters in archival footage of a long dead TV series, ‘cos we haven’t been able to come up with an original idea! – This time, the travesty is on behalf of Snickers, it’s Danny Trejo (Who?) Obviously Jason Alexander is not available, or dead. Steve Buscemi gets paid millions for a five second cameo role. Come to think of it, maybe part of the fee was for “Nucky” to rub out Jason. And, Oh yes, this travesty of advertising will appear on the Super Bowl, Yawn, even though 2.7 million douchenozzles have already seen it on YouTube. Double yawn!

When I fuck... You see stars!

Burka-Boob-A-Loo-A!

Staying with the “You can’t make this shit up” category, Didyasee that Saudi Arabia wants to host a future Olympics? But, insisted on the condition that it will be open to men only. Women will have a separate Olympics in next door neighbor, Bahrain. Men’s events will include flogging, stoning and shagging hookers at OPEC conferences. The Women’s Olympics will feature staying at home and not driving. The International Olympic Committee told them to fuck off! 

Nike and W+K would be all over this…

Pointy Head Paltrow opines on Vaginas!

In the “You can’t make this shit up” category, Ace AdScamer, "Ray/Eh" points us in the direction of uber-air-head, Gwyneth Paltrow, who has been raving on and on about the benefits of her favorite Korean Spa’s vaginal steam. Paltrow explains, "You sit on what is essentially a mini-throne, and a combination of infrared and mugwort steam cleanses your uterus, et al. It is an energetic release - not just a steam douche - that balances female hormone levels. If you're in L.A., you have to do it." Well fuck yes, Gwyneth… Unfortunately, I don’t have a uterus. Do you think maybe I can get a discount!

You just know her kids are fucked!

Yes… Even More Super Bowl Bullshit!

Staying with the Super Bowl – What the fuck else is the ad biz going to talk about for the rest of the week? Although my mate Stephen Foster, over at MoreAboutAdvertising, reckons I’ll never talk to him again after he featured the sickeningly mawkish Budweiser Super Bowl “Lost Puppy” spot today… Here’s what I commented…   

Bloody hell... Talk about a load of fucking tripe. Yes, it will be huge on the "Click-O-Rama." Will it sell Nuns Piss? Only to cretins that drink tasteless brews made from rice (That's why you can't call it beer in Germany) As sales of Bud have been declining for years since Americans finally discovered "craft" beers, is this further proof that you can chuck millions down the "Trainspotting" toilet and still not shift a bad product? Yet another advertising "Anomaly?"

And on a second look, I commented…

Oh… And that’s not a wolf. It looks like an Alsatian (German Sheppard for Yanks)  with a bad dye job to me.

What better visualization of today's ad biz? 

More Super Bowl Bullshit!

As we approach the Super Bowl, I have been contacted by some journalists to comment on my feelings about the ROI clients can expect after blowing fucking millions on time and production costs for thirty minutes of ephemeral exposure. I take great delight in telling them, that because it’s all smoke and mirrors, there is no measurable ROI. Oh yes, there’s all that bullshit about “increased brand exposure.” Not a fucking word about sales. AdAge has a piece talking about how the “Super Bowl After Glow” lasts for at most two weeks. As examples they give Bud and Radio Shack. Funny how sales of Nuns Piss continue to decline, whilst craft beers boom. As for Radio Shack, if you buy anything there, don’t ask for the extended warranty. They aint going to be around much longer. 

Der Fuhrer gets great "Return On Invasion!"

“Becks” corrupting kiddies?

Over in Britain, The Guardian informs us that… David Beckham’s TV ad for whisky brand Haig Club has been cleared by the UK advertising watchdog, despite complaints that the former footballer’s endorsement promotes drinking among children. Mmmm, wonder if “Posh” is behind this evil scheme. When you think of the daft names she chose for the kids, it wouldn’t surprise me. Anyway, the ad is a shitasmic wank. And if you think Scotch is produced in sod roofed highland cottages, below is the Caol Ila distillery on the Isle of Islay. 

Olde Worlde Charme... Looks like a fucking oil refinery!