AdScam/The Horror!

Shaggerific!

MediaPost has an interesting piece today titled…  "The Open Office Concept Might Make Your Agency Look Cool, But It's Killing Productivity".  Damned right, it’s a load of old bollocks. Here’s the comment I left… Back in the early seventies, KMP, a hot London agency of the time, went open plan. It lasted less than a year after people realized you couldn't come back from a "working lunch" and sleep off the effect of the three Martinis. Even worse, everyone could overhear you making arrangements for mid-afternoon "matinees" and other activities with people you should obviously not be doing such naughties with. Ah, the good old days. OK, it’s time to start getting pissed. I’ll be back next year. Cheers/George.

Tall filing cabinets... That's the answer!

Lincoln… It leaves you incoherent!

Matthew McConaughey is back doing Mathew McConaughey Zen like mumbles on behalf of the Lincoln MKZ Hybrid, which reminds me of Steve Job’s yacht, the one he never got to sail in. In other words it looks like a big slab of cheese. Oh, and it has a sunroof you can open when it’s stopped raining, even though there’s no sun, ‘cos its night time. I’ll bet that water glass he pings in the second spot was full of Smirnoff, ‘cos it left him speechless, not breathless! (Classic reference there.) 

Now that's a car!

New Years Eve advice from Uncle George!

If you are planning on getting totally pissed on New Year’s Eve, then catching a ride home on Uber, don’t just wear a crash helmet to avoid the loony driver beating your brains out with his “Thor” hammer… Make sure you have enough credit on your Visa card when you wake up sober in 2015. Uber is forecasting that “Surge” pricing will be in effect for the New Year holiday. This could mean up to TEN FUCKING TIMES the normal fare. Either stay home, get fucked up and watch porn. Or go somewhere you can pass out ‘till you are sober enough to get the bus. Shit… Do I have to tell you everything?

And the rest!!!

New Republic meltdown continues!

With the news today that four more members of The New Republic’s masthead have resigned following the resignations of editor Frank Foer and literary editor Leon Wieseltier and a mass exodus by the magazine's top editors and contributors, a few weeks ago, you have to wonder just who the fuck is left? Those who quit did so in protest of ex-Silicon Valley wunderkind new owner, Chris Hughes and CEO Guy Vidra's vision for the magazine, which included rebranding it as a vertically integrated digital media company.

Whatever the fuck that is!

Welcome to the prophylactic future!

Following on from my last post… “The Future is here… But not yet!” Some douchenozzle over at the San Jose Mercury (Pimp alert: Silicon Valley Flack!) says that 2015 will be the year of the smart watch… Right… Fucking right! The fact that a recent survey of 1,000 iPhone owners and potential Watch buyers found that only 7% are still interested, down from a high of 10 percent in September, when Apple announced the product. And that's among people who already own the smartphone that will work best with the new watch. So why this fucktard’s enthusiasm? Because it can monitor your heart beat whilst exercising, even swimming… I don’t think so Mr. Technozzle. Unless you, your Apple Watch and your iPhone are inside a giant fucking latex condom. Which, come to think of it, would be the recommended garb for a giant dick! 

Introducing... The iPenis!

The “Future” is here. But not yet!

We are almost into 2015, and I’ve been reading more and more shit about “Wearable Computing” and how this is going to be the next big thing along with the “Flying Car.” It’s all a load of old bollocks. Take for instance “Google Glass,” yeah, that fucker seems to have dropped out of sight… Maybe because it didn’t work as promised unless you had a smart phone with a battery the size of a fucking dumpster. Not to mention you would get your teeth knocked out when sneaking a picture of the big breasted girl friend of a Hells Angel in a shitty bar. Oh, and the $1,500 price tag didn’t help. They should have got Creative Fucking Genius, Will.i.am on the job!

It doesn't even work for that!

Strip… Save… Suck!

You have to blame America for coming up with any damn feeble excuse for a sale. President’s day, Groundhog Day, Black Friday, Cyber Monday, whatever. That’s why douchenozzles pitch a tent outside Best Buy for six months in order to get a lousy $100 gift certificate. The trouble is this stupidity has spread around the globe. Now China has come up with the ultimate sale… “Take your clothes off and get new ones for free.” Yeah, strip down to your skivvies and get a humungous $162 worth of really shitty clothing…. All of which is made in fucking China!!! 

They sell the clothes you took off to the people behind you!

Will the “Iron Lady” last long enough to rust?

Seems like the “Argies” are somewhat pissed off that the Falklands Isles are about to put up a statue of Maggie Thatcher. This $65,000 ugly edifice will probably last a lot longer in the South Atlantic than if it had been erected in the North of England, where she is fucking hated ‘cos she “privatized” everything from coal mining to ship building, which is why they no longer exist. Just ask Sting, but better do it quick before Broadway flop,“The Last Ship” goes down with everyone except him on board!

"Bronze Douchenozzle!"

Amazon keeps on rolling. Bezos is God!

Did you see that Amazon signed up ten million Prime users during the holiday shop-a-bollock season? That would be for $99 a pop. And you have to assume that those ten million punters are buying tons of shit so they can get the free shipping. Yeah, I know, I read every fucking day that Amazon is making no money and digging its own grave. To which I say bollocks. They’ve been around for more than twenty years. In fact, along with eBay they are the ONLY survivors of the dot com implosion. I use Amazon, I publish my books on Amazon. They give great service. I guarantee they’ll still be around twenty years from now. I fucking love them!

Coming soon on "Prime." Hot Chicks. What a guy!

Everything you need to know about “The Tubes!”

Now that everyone on the face of the planet is taking the Internet for granted, particularly the fucktards obsessed with their smart wanker phones which seem to be welded to their empty heads… Do you have any idea how much fucking shit is out there? Check out this mind bending site for the facts. All I want to know is hat will happen when the batteries run out? It’ll be like living in North Korea!

I told you to order from fucking Zappo's!