AdScam/The Horror!

24 seven can get you the ad job of your dreams. Failing that, how about becoming a manicurist?

Several AdScamers have responded and seem to agree with me that the AdAge article on Freelance is a load of shit. As many have pointed out, virtually no one gets the day rate you could five years ago, and when BDA’s hire, it’s snot nosed kids that can design “Angry Birds” on their fucking iToys and think ten dollars an hour is a fucking fortune. Anyway, as the big authority that AdAge’s, Rupal Parekh, quoted was Lisa Marie Ringus, a director at recruitment firm 24 Seven.” I checked them out… It would seem that “Marketing/Creative Services” is just a small part of their offerings. They also do Fashion – Retail – Beauty – Home Furnishing – and – Action Sports. Yes fucking Action Sports! Apparently, their recruiters have insider knowledge of board-sports and the surf/skate culture. Hey dude, that’s bitchin’ gnarly! If they can’t get you an ECD’s job at CP+B, they might get you in at Bombora Surf Heaven as an assistant board waxer! Holy shit, every time I open AdAge, my never ceasing contention that the ad biz is now well and truly fucked… Is reinforced.

Our Action-Sport recruiters will also advise you on your interview wardrobe and hair styling!

adage talks shit about freelance!

According to AdAge, freelancers are taking over Madison Avenue and having a whale of a time… Sorry, I don’t fucking believe it. Particularly this bit… So far, advertising freelancers appear to be a happy lot. According to a survey with 3,000 national respondents conducted by 24 Seven and Ad Age, 62% of freelancers are optimistic that their job satisfaction will increase in the next year, vs. 46% of full-timers. And this is absolute shit… "The freelance community is getting more demanding about pay and about the environment of agencies," said Lisa Marie Ringus, a director at recruitment firm 24 Seven.” Just about every freelancer out there that I know has reduced their day rate and is certainly not picky about the kind of work they will tackle. And the one thing the piece doesn’t mention is the time it takes to get paid… Forget 30 days. I know people who’ve waited six fucking months. I don’t know who AdAge talks to (Besides the douchenozzles at 24 Seven,) But it ain’t all milk and honey out there.

Well... Is it?

draft/fcb leads in world's most incredibly bad beer advertising awards!

This just in… Draft/FCB has leapt to the front in the “Cliché Beer Ad of the Century” competition. A new campaign for Miller Lite, featured in AdWeek has it all… Really bad music (a Draft/FCB specialty perfected in numerous in-house promotional videos.) Manly men doing manly things like stock car racing, baseball, camping and hanging out in smoky bars, all in the company of hot women just itching to get the guys pants off… And all promoting the fact that you can open your can of Miller Lite, Nun’s Piss, with the supplied ring tab… Then amazingly, you punch another hole in the top with your diamanté hair clip… How fucking great is that? Amy Breeze, director of innovation and activation nozzling for Miller Lite, says "We're proud of our product and think everyone will have a blast exploring different ways to open it." But lady… It’s fucking nun’s piss. No matter how you open it… It’ll still be nun’s piss!

Oh shit... Here come some more Miller Lite fucktards!

the messner guide to golf!

Ace AdScamer, Tom Messner, has a wonderful comment on my post about the crazy fucking golfers outside my hotel playing in a monsoon… Nice points about Jay Chiat, who was a dedicated golfer. (As well as a celebrated Cocks-man!) He lists a ton of famous ad guy golfers, including, Amil Gargano, who’s wife, Elaine, is now reputed to be one of the best lady amateur golfers on the East coast. She was one of two art directors I worked with at B&B back in the sixties. The other was the legendary Gene Federico. When he, Dick Lord and Arthur Einstein moved to Warwick & Legler, over in the Seagram building, I followed. I mean shit, they had every Seagram booze account that you were encouraged to “sample” all day long. What the fuck is not to like about that? Anyway… Check out Tom’s golfing comment… Particularly the last bit about MVBCS’s annual miniature golf tournaments, where they always let the clients win the massive trophies… Ah, the Ad Biz… When it used to be a great biz. Now it’s full of fucking insurance wankers and bean counters!

Do you think she realizes?

taking a silver bullet behind the wood shed!

Did you see the piece in yesterday’s AdAge about Fascist beer mogul, Adolf Coors? Seems like he and his son are being taking a chauffer driven TV on a cross country bar crawl. And 'cos they aren’t driving they can stop at all the bars selling their Nuns Piss Silver Bullets and pound them back. But isn’t that shit like drinking water, so to have any effect, you’d probably explode first. The Coors family is a bunch of Nazis (Clue… Everyone is called Adolf!) Everyone who works there has to take a lie detector test before being employed. And, dontcha love all the TV spots showing Adolf walking around in the Rockies showing all the waterfalls they get their water from… Well, that’s bullshit, they are in Golden, Colorado, which is a dump, and the water comes from the local sewage farm (OK, I made that bit up!) The good news for all the fucktards that drink this shit can now look forward to their new product… “Coco Breve,” flavored fizzy coconut water, with a feeble amount of alcohol. Kinda like Desert Island Nuns Piss. About as useful as Pictureless Pinterest. You just know someone is going to make millions out of it. Why the fuck can’t I think of shit like that?

I hear you're named after me... But you make shit beer!

It's too much for an old fart!!!

I just got home efter an eight hour drive! It's a long fucking way from the Northern parts of the Fourth Reich to Boise. And it didn't fucking help that there was a rock slide blocking a mountain road, which caused an eighty fucking minute delay. Then I went through two snow storms in the mountains. Barely had time to drink a pint in the McCall brewing company. They do an excellent IPA, none of that nuns piss fucktards drink. Kept to the speed limit to avoid the Idaho Highway Fucking SS. Didn't see a single female hitch hiker. Just my fucking luck. Bonus Kate pics to make up for my wanky laptop. And no... I will not buy a fucking Mac. More posts tomorrow.

Lovely!

Loverrrrlllly!

Loverrrrrrrrrrllllllllllly!!!

 

a good time was had by one and all!

Did my thing last night in a brewery... Yes, in his wisdom, Professor Kolstad organized my speaking event for the benefit of his lucky students... In a fucking brewery. What more can I say? The man is a fucking prince. A good time was had by one and all. I am now facing the prospect of a six hour drive back to Boise. I used to do it in five or less, but the number of tickets received from the Idaho State Police (who look remarkably like members of the SS) has put the damper on that. Anyway. I will post more when I get home, and not to panic... I promise at least one Kate picture... Later!

Kate picture should go here

OK... This is bullshit!

OK... I have a question, which has nothing to do with advertising, but, it's important. I am staying in my lovely hotel (the one with the exploding light bulbs) in the northern reaches of the Fourth Reich. From my window, I can look out on a golf course driving range. There are four guys out there pounding golf balls... And, it is absolutely PISSING down with rain. I mean fucking buckets. Yet, these guys are laughing and high-fiving the shit out of each other. What the fuck is going on? I'm with George Carlin here... Golf is a game for fucking cretins... Or, maybe they are BDA planners doing a bit of R&R... Am I missing something here?

Non existing picture of a golf douchenozzle!

 

No Danica tits for you today!!!

Over at MediaPost, there's a piece about an auto pricing and research company TrueCar, which is reaching  out to women, fans of auto racing, and fans of women who race autos with a project that includes backing a roster of women in different top categories. The list of lady racers has six signed up so far... And, would you believe it... Not one is Danica Patrick. There are also rumors that these women will concentrate on driving and not take their clothes off the minute someone whips out a camera. Obviously, this will rule out any possible sponsorship money from the no-taste, elephant killing, ugly fat fucker that runs Go-Daddy.

No pics of Danica's bum for you!!!

 

I am not dead!!!

Contrary to the hopes of the entire management of Interpublic - Drfat/FCB, I'm still alive and kicking. I happen to be up in the northern part of the Fourth Reich to give a couple of chats to the lucky students of Lewis Clark University and members of the local ad fraternity. All organized by my good mate "Professor Kolstad." Well, for some fucked up reason, every time I come up here, my laptop fucking rolls over and plays dead! Ran off to the local "Computer Doctors" where a nice young man, explained there must have been a power surge at the hotel, he fucked about with it for five minutes and everything worked fine... And, he didn't charge me a panny! In NYC, it would have cost me a bundle. If you're ever in Lewiston, see these guys. Got back to the hotel, plugged it in, and it did it again. I finally worked out that the wall socket I was plugged into was fucked, as when I plugged in a table lamp, it blew up. I think it's a Nazi conspiricy, 'cos Adolf is pissed that I do more Kate pics than his. Anyway, thanks for the emails, Particularly from Bob Hoffman, who like me, is no spring chicken, so probably thought I'd had a heart attack whilst on my 12th Gin & Tonic. More later.

For some reason I can't upload pictures...

Someone is fucking with me!!!