AdScam/The Horror!

did you bring the floatation jackets? We’re shooting food today!

You have to love the shit film companies, and the douchenozzles who work in them, talk when they are describing their latest creation. One of the spots Charlex (been there, done that) just completed for Subway is for some chemical drenched fruit parfait showing lots of bouncing, spritzing, sopping wet fruit falling all over the place. Why do these fuckers have to hose everything down (See the new Burger King shit) Everyone knows this stuff comes in giant fucking freezer boxes and catering packs. Anyway, here’s what they said about the production…  “We built a visual language that would stand out from the crowd but still mesh with the food photography. Ultimately, the inspiration came from old food labels and the landscape works of American painter, Grant Wood. His paintings are beautifully lit with amazing colors, and I loved how well they worked within our creative brief." Oh, give me a fucking break, the spot looks like every other fast food commercial ever fucking made. Get over yourselves. 

Make sure you drown the food before filming!

‘cos shit happens!

I assume you all know that psfk is running weekly excerpts from “Confessions of a Mad man.” If you don’t you are in danger of becoming a fucktard, so get your arse over there. This weeks is called “La Dolce Advertising” and is about how I was corrupted by my first boss at B&B, Joe, who turned me on to the pleasures of unlimited expense accounts and Hollywood blondes and redheads. Workwise, it describes my never to be forgotten experiences with “The Shy Salesman” and “Mr Whipple” on behalf of Charmin… So, Imagine my surprise when I get a tweet from Kenn Fischburg, who’s Twitter handle is… ToiletPaperKing… And who runs a Web site by the name of “The Toilet Paper Encyclopedia.” And no, I am not making this shit up. Check it out! You have to admit you get a better quality of shit on AdScam than you do on all the other ad blogs.

Why is this man smiling? 'Cos he made millions!

we don’t need no stinkin’ coupons!

I think more and more people, including, according to AdAge, Facebook and Yelp, are starting to realize that this whole coupon bullshit is nothing more than bullshit. Apart from the ridiculous fiddling of their finances that Groupon goes through to prove they’re making shitloads of money, when in reality, they’re losing shitloads of money… The biggest thing that makes me believe it’s a bust, is the simple fact that there’s just too fucking much of it going on. I get this shit in my inbox all the time, and as fast as I block it, new stuff pops up. Plus, I keep reading stories about how stores who do a coupon promotion, may drive up traffic by selling stuff at a loss, then when the coupon deal runs out, the traffic drops off along with it. It’s a giant wank, in a year it’ll be over. Remember… I’m never fucking wrong.

Redeemable at NoBu, courtesy of Draft/FCB!

Wictors & Wankers!

‘Cos I am a fucking masochist, every few weeks I go over to the Web site of “Crowdsourcing” pioneers, Victors & Spoils. I do this primarily in the hope that with all those millions of pathetic people out there prepared to work for fuck all, someone might volunteer to redesign their website for enough money to buy a bag of pork scratching's. But no, the site of yet another “Agency of the Future,” remains as bland and fucking retro as ever… Hey, maybe that’s just me, perhaps I am missing the subtlety of having a site so ugly, the fuckards prepared to sign up for this giant scam, might be under the delusion they can get to re-design it for the price of a can of Spam… Anyway… The laughable part is when you start reading the bios of the vast majority of criminals running this joint… Virtually everyone came from CP+B… Which raises the question… Why didn’t they just open CP+B+2… Or, better yet… Shed+2… Perhaps that might have pissed off Alex and his crowdsourcing partner, the Dalai Llama. But, what the fuck do I know… Besides advertising?

Wictors & What?

lessons to remember in geek nation!

I’ve been around computers since I freelanced at the agency launching Genghis Kahn’s Mongol 1. This was the one with the Horse Shit OS, that Genghis had pillaged from Xerox PARC. Anyway, one of the first things I learned back then was that computer companies should never fuck over their resellers. ‘Cos like fast food franchisees and car dealers… These are the fuckers who are on the front line facing the people who will actually buy your shit. That’s why Hewlett Packard’s plan the other week to ditch the PC and mobile hardware divisions, announced without warning even to senior executives running those divisions, then followed by flooding the market with fire-sale priced hardware without informing the resellers how to deal with the consequences… Was dumb, fucking dumb. Maybe it’s all part of the Kraut CEO’s plan to turn HP into IBM. If it is, I have a word of advice for him… Leo, it’ll never fucking happen. And remember, I am never wrong.

Always listen to AdScam!

do not fuck with a panda!

As you know, I rarely run videos and reproductions of current advertising. Apart from the fact that most of it sucks and the agencies producing it should be fucking ashamed… Like W+K with their fucking Velveeta “Skillet Man!” No, you wanna see all that shit, there’s a ton of ad blogs out there devoted to it. However, now and again I see stuff I have to Comment on, ‘cos it’s so fucking good. Like BBH, Johnny Walker “Keep on walking.” Or, W+K, London, Nokia “Gulp.” And now this brilliant campaign from Egypt… “Never say no to a Panda.” It just fucking cracked me up. The guy in the Panda suit deserves a fucking oscar.

See what I mean!!!

Interpublic scrapes bottom of barrel… Again!

In it’s continuing quest to achieve total irrelevancy to the advertising business, Interpublic has just appointed a new member of the board. Dawn Hudson who currently is vice chairman of The Parthenon Group, a truly wanky looking management consultancy… And you know what those fuckers do… Charge lots of money for fucking things up… Just like Interpublic! She’s also chairman of the LPGA. Yeah, fucking golf… Perfect for a BDHC… Fuck advertising, how’s your swing? Wanna bet Michael Roth is a big time golfer?

Fuck lady... Calm down!

We don’t need no stinkin’ comite’

In a comment to my last post about the “Worldwide Creative Council” cluster fuck currently taking place at Lowe, AdScammer Jeff reminds us of my post of a couple of weeks ago talking about how Dave over at “wheresmyjetpack” has this wonderful series of pictures, titled “The Credenza Boys” The one I featured at the time is worth a repeat, except, the “Hefe” behind the desk would be speaking Spanish.

Que pasa?

We're changing the fucking name to fucking "Blow!"

Where in the world is Mark Wnek?

Did you see the news on Friday that Lowe global chief creative officer Matthew Bull is leaving the agency. And, rather than fill the role, Lowe instead will turn to its worldwide creative council for creative leadership. Apparently, the council is made up of a dozen creative chiefs from different markets around the world. To lead the group, Lowe appointed Jose Miguel Sokoloff, chairman and CCO of Lowe SSP3 in Bogota, Colombia. Yes, that’s right, not Boise, Idaho. This guy is situated in fucking Bogota, Columbia… “Blow” capital of the world… Note, I said “Blow,” not “Lowe.” You can’t make this shit up!!! Lowe worldwide CEO Michael Wall, put it this way… "Our Global Creative Council is a really effective forum in our network. This peer group actively pushes each other on the work, on learning, and on developing new talent." Ha, too true blue… I’ll bet Sir Frank is pissing in his cricket whites as he sips champagne from his tea cup on the members terrace at Lords… Esoteric reference there for the benefit of Brit AdScammers. What a fuck up… Where is Mark Wnek when you need him? C'mon, give the guy a few million, apologize, and beg him to come back!

I am the new Creative Hefe... Do not fuck with me!

irene update!

On the east Coast, 18 people are dead, millions are without power. A fucktard of a woman drove her SUV on a South Carolina beach, then went ape shit when it got stuck in the sand. Tourists are already demanding Big Macs in Times square, which is pissing off Bloomberg, not just ‘cos they are full of salt, but because they are ignoring his warnings of impending Armageddon… However, the good news is, the stock market will be open on time on Monday morning… Was there ever any fucking doubt? Capitalism kicks the shit out of nature!

Take that God!!!