AdScam/The Horror!

Alex gets common–part two–yawn–fucking yawn!

OK, I’m sat here listening to Alex and pontificate for over an hour on how he and his henchmen are going to change the fucking world. He’s doing this by reading very fucking juvenile thoughts from a series of slides about dropping stones in buckets and watching the ripples hit the rim. Obviously way to fucking deep for a dumbass like me. But this one I did get… “We are not communists… We believe in capitalism.” Well fuck me, if I was a millionaire, I’d believe in capitalism. No wonder he describes it as “Super Fun!” The whole thing is trite and full of clichés. As usual the captive crowd of “Shed Dwellers” lapped it up. What a load of fucking douchenozzles. I’m sorry Alex, I think you’re a capitalist wanker… Which is the worst kind of wanker!

"Common's" first revolutionary product!

 

Alex gets common!

AdScammer “Jim” points me in the direction of Alex Bogusky’s new venture out of “The Shed.” It’s a new company going by the somewhat common name of… COMMON and this is the “mission Statement! Benefiting people, communities, society, the environment and future generations is the new advantage in business. Our new capitalist brand is about transitioning from competitive advantage to collaborative advantage. Common is a brand that is community designed, community owned, and community directed. It is a single open-source brand — a living network — for rapidly prototyping many progressive businesses that unleash creativity to solve social problems. Well fucking well, no mention of curing cancer or hunger or child prostitution. But then again, you have to get your priorities right. They did say they were all about being a capitalist brand… Obviously, Alex and his new partners need the money. I’m fighting my way through a very boring video of their announcement. It lasts an hour and eleven minutes. the first seven minutes being crowd noises. When I've finished I shall post again. Stand by for more “Shed” news!

The "Common" Global Headquarters is open for business!

 

facebook wants your info… and your money!

Just last week, Facebook announced that by July 1 developers with apps on the site must make their users pay for virtual goods using Facebook's official currency, Facebook Credits. Along with the Credits come the fees: Big fucking fees… 30% of every credit spent goes to Facebook. Yes, that’s one third of everything you sell. Credit cards charge between 2-4% and make a shitload of money. Here’s how ZuckerNozzle explained it… "If you're a very large company, and supporting you is going to cost us tens of millions of dollars, (tens of millions???) then we want to at least have an understanding of how you're going to use what we're doing, and that you're not going to just import the data but also contribute back to the ecosystem and make peoples' Facebook experience better." What a load of shit… It isn’t about making peoples Facebook experience better… It’s about making Facebook’s bottom line fatter. It smacks of fucking usury to me!

And now... Facebook Credits!

 

taco tools with their meat!

No doubt, you’ve heard all the fuss about Taco Bell running full page ads in the Wall Street Journal and New York Times protesting against the law suit that claims the meat they use is actually a mixture of sawdust and used kitty litter. First off, any douchenozzle who eats at Taco Bell probably thinks fucking sawdust and cat shit is a gourmet treat, and secondly, these people do need read those kind of newspapers. Yeah, I know, the ads are aimed at the fucktards on Wall Street, who’s definition of “fast food” is a three hour lunch at The Four Seasons. Anyway, why stop at faux beef? How about a frozen chicken chimichanga for dinner? Don't be expecting too much real chicken. The USDA only requires it to contain 10 percent poultry. What’s the other 90%? Fillers, grain extenders, and a ton of fucking chemicals. And a can of chicken soup, contains "mechanically separated chicken," Which the USDA calls a "poultry product," made by grinding up chicken bones, beaks, skin and other gristle, which is then filtered to keep out the gnarly chunks. Rumors from Boulder hint that Alex and the Dalai Llama are working on this problem down at “The Shed!”

Meanwhile, down at Alex's secret "Big Shed," lunch is being crowdsourced!

 

blow big bucks while getting blown in davos!

As you all know, I never fail to bring attention to the buckfests organized on behalf of fucktard CEO’s and government wankers who spend most of their worthless lives jetting around the world to attend the ever proliferating, half a million dollars a pop, conferences (paid for by either their dumbfuck shareholders, or the taxpayers of the various countries they are currently ripping off.) Anyway, Davos is over… The Poisoned Dwarf, the Wizened of Oz, and Bono, have boarded their private jets and fucked off to Rio, or Cannes, or some other exotic location to continue talking shit. Don’t believe me? Here’s the itinerary for the dinner sessions; The budding artist; Confidentiality or transparency-The WikiLeaks dilemma; From CEO to Chief Design Officer; The perils of economic prediction; The five senses of experience; The history of commerce; The power of the image; Stepping into the spotlight; Science, Discovery and Controversy; The social network addiction; Zero-sum future. Hey, that’s worth a few million dollars of someone else's money!

As the Poisoned Dwarf boards his private Concorde, someone hands him a note!!

 

Meet me in the bar after drum practice!

As you all know, I rarely pimp agency work, unless it is really extraordinary, or supremely shitasmicaly bad. However, my good mate Alan Kerr, has pointed me in the direction of a rather extraordinary spot for Sapporo beer. I have no idea who did it, or where the fuck it is running. All I know is that I really, really fucking like it… And, if you don’t… I don’t give a fuck. ‘Cos, as I said… I fucking like it… And, it’s my fucking blog. Anyway, as long as you put up with my tirades, you will get rewarded, ‘cos you know what’s coming on a Friday … Mucho bellisima, supra horny KATE!!!

Would I ever let you down?

 

Deutshnozzle does love… Baby!

As my last two posts have been about a guy with a massively inflated ego… Let’s stick with the theme. Right now, I am kicking myself, ‘cos I missed last night’s debut of Donny’s new show, the Love Guru, or some shit like that on Bravo. Gawker’s Douche of the Decade is now dispensing love advice to women crazy enough to ask him for it. Yeah, the guy who would hit on a fucking fire hydrant if it had tits is now telling girls how to manage their love life. If his new show is as fucked up as his last one “The Fucktard Idea!” I give it a week. Anyway, Steve Dworin built Deutsch while Donny was doing Peruvian Marching Powder in the bathroom. What a wanker.

Holy fucking shit!!!

 

Kev’s Kurrent Kondition!!!

Because I am sure all the AdScammers out there really need to know how “The Man in Black” is doing with his nationally reported bum knee surgery and shit. Here is a visual update from Kev's fantastic blog…

Wait a minute... This can't be Kev... The guy is wearing fucking WHITE!!!

 

Because you really wanted to see it... Here's the fucking HOSPITAL... Take note, it's "Special!"

 

Kev–Kaput?

Here is the most important news of the New Year… Kev “I always wear black, but no socks,” Roberts has fucked up his knee… So, as he so wonderfully puts it… This week I was due in Milan and Amsterdam to give speeches. Instead I will be spending several hours at the Hospital for Special Surgery in New York. Like who the fuck gives a fuck??? You have to read the whole ego driven fucking post on his shitasmic blog to get the full, pardon me while I throw up hubristic drivel. The good news is that he says… I’m grounded until the stitches come out February 3. So I’ll try to use this time positively as we all look forward to a new year. Oh, fucking great… Standing by for the posts from your Saatchi paid for ten grand a day bed… Does it have black sheets??? In the meantime… Lots of LoveMarks.

Fake picture of Kev's "body double" knee... But, wait, shouldn't it be in black?

 

can rupert give myspace away?

No wonder the Wizened of Oz is trying to unload MySpace for whatever loose change he can salvage out of his $600 million shitasmic purchase of five years ago. Apparently, a sex offender, currently serving time in a Georgia slammer for his crime, is suing the world’s ugliest social network for honoring search warrants from out-of-state law enforcement outfits. The guy, and his team of legal eagles, are suing for fucking millions. Not much “friending and poking” going on there! Anyway, rumors are that the Dirty Digger hooked up with his mail-order bride in a MySpace chat room. His personal picture was a bank vault. 

Welcome to the "Oz" cave!