AdScam/The Horror!

no fucking swearing at goldman sachs!

I suppose you all heard that major criminal organization, Goldman Sachs has banned swearing in company e-mails. Which obviously means there will also be a ban on reading AdScam in their 24 K gold plated offices. As the Wall Street Journal reported yesterday, they are the latest big Wall Street fucktard to do so. In an April hearing on Capitol Hill about the mortgage crisis, Sen. Carl Levin, pointed to arch criminal, CEO Lloyd Blankfein and said the word “shity” 11 times when referring to a 2007 e-mail from a Goldman executive describing their shitasmic transactions. A couple of weeks ago, the Goldman fucktards paid a $550 million fine to settle SEC charges of cashing in on the subprime mortgage fiasco. Although the fine was the largest ever imposed by the SEC, it was criticized by some as merely a “slap on the wrist,” the kind that doesn’t really hurt and cause you to scream out fuck!!!. Personally, I would lock the bastards up for life. But then, where would politicians raise their campaign funds? 

There goes another million foreclosures! Bonus Time!!!

 

yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!

As someone once said many years ago when describing the British, it runs on rum, the lash and sodomy! Well, don’t know much about the last two, but if you fancy a bit of the first and you’ve got 600 fucking quid to spare, you might like to uncork a bottle of Black Tot "Last Consignment" British Royal Naval Rum, lovingly decanted from the official stocks held by the Senior Service since sailors' enjoyed their final rum ration in 1970. Up until then, everyone in the British Navy was entitled to a large tot of unbelievably strong rum. The American navy had to make do with fucking Coke!

Luverrrrly grub!

 

facebook fucktards... listen up!

As further proof that people on Facebook are wankers who seriously need to get a life, CIO magazine has a piece titled “7 of the most bizarre Facebook Apps.” These include, “Butter-fy Yourself” which allows you to carve pictures of yourself in rancid fucking butter. A “Death Time Calculator” that forecasts not just when you’ll die, but what you’ll die of. Options include… “Intoxicated!” No surprise there. I don’t need a fucking calculator to tell me that! But the saddest of all, is “I Have Kids,” which allows Facebooker’s who’ve run out of shit to bore you with about their lame fucking lives, to now create mini-profiles for their kids. Which means they can keep you informed of how many times their little brat crapped his/her pants today. Is there no end to this fucking nonsense?  

Mark "ButterNozzle!"

 

 

the first church of god-jobs!

AdScammer, Tom, points me in the direction of a news report talking about a research paper published by two professors at Texas A&M University, in which they argue that the only way to understand the slavish adoration and over-the top financial success of Apple and its "Jesus Phone" is to realize its minimalist, white-walled Apple stores are the new churches of the tech generation. See, I’ve been saying this for fucking years. The paper explains why Apple fucktards still believe when the leader of the Church, GodJobs, blames consumers for the poor reception of the iPhone (‘cos users are holding their phones incorrectly). In fact, they flock to buy the device despite its serious design flaws. Maybe they have serious design flaws of the brain… Standing by for the flamer comments!!!

The iPope!!!

 

silver turns to shit!!!

Well, well, fucking well… Eric Silver’s tenure at DDB lasted barely a year. Stepping into the big shoes of my mate Lee Garfinkel, didn’t quite work out. In fact, it was a fucking disaster. So now DDB has appointed Matt Eastwood, chief creative officer of DDB, Australia, to take over Eric Silver's lame arsed duties, while Eric is moved elsewhere within the network. Whatever the fuck that means!!! But, it aint a promotion, believe me! Peter Hempel, CEO of DDB, New York, would do himself a favor by giving Lee a call… Yes, I admit, he’s a mate… But never forget an AdScam mate is worth ten douchenozzles!

Yes, Mr Silver. If you can help us create the "Agency of the Future," "Idgy" Harries is fucking toast!

 

the cartoonist's car!!!

My good mate, Ralf, “The Cartoonist,” will be sad to hear that his favorite mode of transportation, the Brabant, is dying out fast. According to my daily paper, Der Spiegal, there are only 35,000 smoking up the autobahns since reunification, when more than a million broke down every ten minutes in the East German paradise. Ralf will no doubt have to switch to the Panzer he has hidden in his North London back yard. He used to have two, but he has turned one into a tin box his next book will be published in. More on that in a future post, when I have all the sordid details. After you have read the book, you can keep your ganja in the tin box. Ralf is a clever fucker. You should read his site every day… After you have read AdScam. Oh, and if you think the Brabant is a joke… My wife used to drive a Daf, the Dutch version of a fucking clunker!

Ralf in his "Limo!"

 

j&j decides to scare the shit out of its BDA's!

Did you see the item in today’s AdWeek… “J&J Conducts Pre-Review.” According to the piece… Johnson & Johnson has been meeting with its global roster of media shops to conduct what amounts to performance assessments for the past three years. Moreover, J&J is holding "vision checks" concerning how those agencies will handle their assignments moving into the future. Let me crack the fucking code for you… “Pre-Review” means, let’s make these fuckers sweat blood. “Performance Assessments” means checking if these fuckers been screwing us. And “Vision Checks” means how cheaply can we get these fuckers to work. Spies tell me the Poisoned Dwarf is going to rent the Empire State Building, create “Team J&J,” then make them an offer they can’t refuse. Is this a great business or fucking what?

I'll even throw in my dog... And my wife!

 

mark lindsey is a fucking prince!

OK… O fucking K… The composition shot of Kate in her Hitler uniform is the work of photographer, Mark Lindsay, who is pissed, ‘cos I didn’t give him a credit… I am fucking sorry, and here’s a link to your fucking site… www.mark-lindsey.com He does good shit. Check him out, otherwise, he’s going to bug the shit out of me… Even though I am the original fucking Prince!

My favorite photographic subject!

 

more social media valuation bullshit!!!

Without boring the crap out of you, ‘cos I have been known to go on a bit in the past about the ridiculous valuations put on various dot com companies that will not only never justify those valuations, but many times, seem to fucking flame out within a year or two. News today that Tiger Global Management LLC, a hedge fund, paid $20 million for a stake in LinkedIn Corp., valuing the professional-networking website at more than $2 billion, just leaves me gob smacked. Hey, LinkedIn is a good site, way more useful than FaceBook and Twitter, I even have a profile on there… But how the fuck can it be worth TWO FUCKING BILLION DOLLARS? I mean, to me, a valuation of two billion fucking dollars means that’s what they will earn through advertising or whatever… But, even if they turn it into a shitasmic version of MySpace, that’s fucking impossible… Right? What am I missing here???

Will your average MySpace page transmogrify into your average LinkedIn page???

 

the next "big thing" - cmo's with balls?

With the news that Robert Turtledove, the new CMO of H & R Block is shifting creative duties on its $155 million account to Fallon from DDB without a review, and the recent shift of the $650 Chevy account to Goodby by GM CMO, Joel Ewanick, also without a review, does this mean the beginning of the end for fucktard “Agency Search Consultants?” Probably not, as the vast majority of CMO’s out there will remain spineless, snot gobbling, douchenozzles. But, this is an encouraging sign, particularly as the shift was to good shops with a reputation for doing excellent work. All the other fuckers will get what they deserve, mediocre shit from mediocre agencies.

For fuck's sake, grow some!