AdScam/The Horror!

It’s the rich wot gets the gravy… It’s the poor wot gets fucked!*

Lower Depths has a good comment about my post concerning the Grey CFO-nozzle who used to make $400K and is now on the fucking breadline. As he points out, this would be the wanker telling management they had to cut “Overhead” if they all wanted to collect their fucking “performance” bonuses. What goes around comes around, right? I remember during my time at JWT, spending most of my free time in Bobby Vans (funny how I kept bumping into Bill H at the bar!) Right across the street was Bear Sterns… When it came to bonus time, these fuckers would be buying Chateau Lafitte by the container load, while yelling into their cell phones to see if the new Ferrari had been delivered. Bear Sterns is no more, but I’ll bet those fuckers are blowing my tax dollars at some other shyster organization. Fucktards. *Old English music hall song.

We must all do our bit!

 

Glen Beck… Wanker of the Willennium!

Only yesterday, I did a post about how the Wizened of Oz was putting the pressure on Time Warner to cough up the big bucks to have the privilege of carrying the shitasmic Fox network dreck…  I mentioned in particular, ace douchenozzle, fucktard, cretin, wanker, Glen Beck… Then I come across a great piece by Jim Edwards, over at bNet.com about how 9 of 21 ad slots on the loony one’s show are actually Fox House Fucking Ads!!! Apparently, eighty advertisers have dropped their ads from Beck’s show. The boycott started after Beck said President Obama was a “racist” who has a “deep-seated hatred of white people.” Ha, stick that up your “Magic spectacles to read the sacred gold plates” arse, Mr Becknozzle!!!

Why would anybody in their right mind dress up like that?

 

Outlook for Grey CFO looks… Fucking Grey!

My good mate, Roger, over at the Tribble Agency has a great post that really brings the current totally fucked up situation into the reality of just what the fuck is going on. Titled… “Former CFO of Ad Agency Grey NY cannot find ANY job.” It’s both funny and pathetic. This poor dufus has been out of work for a year and a half. He used to earn $400K… Yeah, I know… Boo, hoo… But now he’s fucked… The point being… All my freelance mates, who used to turn down day rates less than $2K, would snatch your fucking hand off for a couple of hundred… When they can fucking get it!!! It’s ugly out there… But you already know that. And the really sad part is… Don’t listen to the fucktards who say it will get better in time… ‘Cos it won’t… Fuck it, time for a drink while I can still afford it.

Even Barbie's hit the skids!

 

Is “Good to the last drop” the final drop in the Ogilvy swill pail?

When I first arrived in the US, back before most of you fuckers were born, I managed to talk my way into the BDA handling the Maxwell House account… No, not Ogilvy, but back in the Mad Men days, it was Benton & Bowles… I then proceeded to do umpteen spots with Mike Cimmino, for the “Good to the Last Drop” brand before he went off to be a big time movie director on the “Deer Hunter,” then imploded over Heaven’s Gate. And now, apparently, he is a member of the opposite gender. OK, not relevant… So, moving on… The Maxwell House coffee account moved to Ogilvy shortly thereafter… And now, after a million fucking years… It was announced in today’s AdWeek that it’s leaving for McGarry/Bowen. I wonder how much business Gordon has liposuctioned out of Ogilvy since he left and was discovered chained to a bed covered in “fecal matter?” Hey… Whatever the fuck it takes, but I wouldn’t want to be the clown dog in The Poisoned Dwarf’s basement tonight.

Wake me up when the shit stops.

 

Fox needs your money!

I assume you all read my weekly column on psfk? If not, why the fuck not? Anyway this weeks “Paying For Digital Media… Yawn… Yawn!” is all about the Wizened of Oz’s crusade to have all his shitty News Corp stuff behind pay walls… Yeah, even the New York Post… I mean c’mon, who the fuck would pay to read that? Anyway, now the old wanker is making a big stink about demanding payment from Time Warner Cable for all the Fox channels. Yeah, they would be the ones that run millions of fucking ads, that they get paid a pile of money for. Hello Digger, Fox isn’t PBS. If you aren’t generating enough ad revenue, did you ever consider that it might have something to do with your programming, which is ninety percent shit and mostly watched by retards who think Glen Beck and the gang are fucking geniuses? As for “American Idol,” don’t get me going!

He needs some new shorts!

 

Watch Oprah, kill people!

Apparently the number of TV’s in cars is expected to double by 2015. Isn’t that fucking great? Just last week I was nearly knocked over by a giant fucking SUV that ran a red light. Inside it a Bitchtard was on her cell phone, drinking a coffee and was surrounded by a bunch of kids and fucking big dogs. So now, she’ll be able to watch fucking Oprah while she kills people. Yeah, and don’t give me that shit about the TV’s only being visible to the back seats. Some fucker will come up with a mirror device that’ll make it work for the driver… ‘Cos that’s capitalism!

It's Wednesday, remember? Thanks Rita!

 

The final, final Tiger Woods, final, final, fucking final whatever, yawn!

Yeah, I know, I promised weeks ago that I would never do another post about AccentureDoucheNozzleTigerWoods… But this one is too good to pass up… My good mate Jack, passed this Jimmy Kimmel, Billy Dee Williams video on to me about the “Tiger Woods Collectable Ho Plates.” All I can say is… A fucking classic. This golfing DudeTard deserves everything that will happen to his arse… But, hey… Phil Knight will do a Kobe with him and continue pumping dollars into his Ho fund, so he can continue making bad TV spots selling slave labor sneakers to the disadvantaged of America… ‘Cos that’s what capitalism is all about!

This has nothing to do with the size of my knockers!

 

I fuck anything that moves… Therefore, I am a politician!

I know this has nothing to do with advertising in particular, but perhaps a great deal to do with PR and maintaining a persona that’s relevant to the message you are being paid fucking millions to promote… But the news today that Carl Rove, well paid spokesnozzle for everything that has fucked up this country over the last thirty years, is filing for divorce, I find particularly pathetic… Even on a par with Newt, who asked his wife for a divorce when she was in hospital with cancer, so he could marry the assistant he’d been knobbing for months. And just so you don’t think this is an anti-right wing rant… John Edwards is a complete and total wanker… At least the right wing fucktards don’t pretend to be anything else than hypocrites.

Ha, fucking Ha... Fucking Ha, Ha... Fucking everyone... Ha...

 

No one knows anything about anything!*

Reading in Brandweek that Geico just broke a new campaign featuring some dufus who appears in some fucking TV show I never watch, you have to wonder if all their various campaigns – They now have four… Cavemen, Kash, the cockney Gecko, and now the new guy – are the right way to go about things. The brand freaks at the BDA’s would probably argue not… They like to get all that cash, Geiko spent $561 million last year, into one big humungous pot, then shoot million dollar spots with Pytka. Hey, that’s how those big performance bonuses come about. What’s the right answer? I have no fucking idea. I doubt if anyone in advertising does either. *As William Goldman once said about Hollywood… No one knows anything about anything! That applies in spades for the world’s dumbest fucking business.

Ruby Tuesday... For Kypar!

 

Holy holistics Batman!

AdScammer “Whacked Paddy” points me in the direction of yet another shitasmic article on branding in this weeks AdAge. Titled “Want to Innovate? Then Create a Rich, Holistic Brand Experience.” Yes, it actually used the word “Holistic” in the headline, so you know it’s going to be a shitpile. The writer, Laurence Knight, heads up one of those same old, same old companies that “specializes in translating consumer insights into winning brand ideas and growth strategies.” Well of course it fucking does! Anyway, it goes on and on about such things as how… Insight-led research must be broadened beyond usage to examine how a brand can resonate across core consumer experience states, looking at: 1. "How does a brand educate me?" 2. "How does it entertain me?" 3. "On what can it advise me?" 4. "Is the brand an expression of me?" 5. "Does the experience connect me to similar consumers?" 6. "Does the brand give me a sense of purpose?" What a wank. Or as someone comments at the end… So is it fair to distill this article down into three components: focus groups/research, sampling, and product integration? Ha, fucking brilliant.

You too can earn a Master of Paradigm Shiftology!