AdScam/The Horror!

The Microsoft – Matrix - Mugging!

Todd Wasserman over at brandfreak.com has a funny review of the teaser spot for Microsoft’s new version of Office 2010… Yeah, just what we need, another fucking upgrade from Microsoft. Anyone know who is responsible for this Matrix “Homage?” I have a feeling it’s JWT, but it could be the Boulder Frat Boys, or even the dinosaurs at McCann with whatever they’ve got left of the account. Funny thing is, the opening SFX sounds like a fucking cash register – Which is perfect for Microsoft. It comes with a “Monster Truck Smash-down” VO, and about one fucking million titles , including this gem… “From the Legendary Creators of Office 2007 & 2003!” The spot ends with a giant super that reads… “The Future Begins Now.”  Fucking brilliant, someone sweated blood to come up with that gem. No wonder the business is fucked!

Buy this shit, or I will crush your nuts!!!

Jim Edwards takes the lead in the Poisoned Dwarf shit kicking competition!

Boy… I thought I was the leader of the pack when it comes to kicking the shit out of the Poisoned Dwarf, but Jim Edwards over at bNet had a fucking doozie of a post yesterday on Sir Martin’s scheme to lyposuction $100 million out of WPP over the next few years. Read the whole thing… But I particularly loved his summation at the end of the post… Where he points out that he was asleep at the wheel on Spot Runner deal, he was hoodwinked on the George Patterson acquisition, he laid off 7,000 of his staff, he doubled WPP’s debt, he embarrased the company with the Enfatico climbdown, he used his holdings of WPP stock to guarantee personal loans, and he moved WPP’s HQ to Ireland to avoid its UK tax obligations. Sorrell also predicts revenues will be down for the year. Fucking hell, Jim, way to fucking go!!!

I'm forever blowing bubbles!!!

Douchenozzles responsible for “Attack Ads” should be attacked by rabid Rottweiler's!

I just got around to reading a very lame piece in AdAge about how “Attack Ads” are working. As someone says in the comments section, there is absolutely no fucking proof given that this is true other than PR bullshit from the spokes-hacks quoted in the article. And as another commenter points out, in most other civilized countries this kind of fucking douchenozzle advertising isn’t even allowed. But then again, neither is all the dreadful prescription drug shit the unwashed masses of TV viewers are exposed to. Anyway… Two things piss me off about this… Yeah, only two… I am sick and tired of reading about fucktards at BDA’s saying… “Hard times call for hard sell advertising.” Or other similar and very tired fucking clichés. But even worse is the fact that most of these ads FUCKING SUCK, and the people responsible for them should go home and fucking kill themselves… It’s an insult to the consumer, and it’s a reflection on yourself… That you will fucking do anything for money!!! Oh, and as usual, the article talks about the CP+B Dominos Sub campaign… Is this fucking agency like crack to ad journalists or what?

Those bastards at AdAge made me do it!!!

US Newspapers about to introduce “Pay-for-play” or you’re fucked?

 There’s been quiet a few stories recently about how the fuckers running the nations major newspapers are trying to get an antitrust exemption that will allow them to work together to put in place a pay-wall at the same time. They’ve had no luck with that little scheme. So apparently, they simply said fuck it, we’ll do it anyway and try to get together quietly themselves without letting anyone know. But, of course, you don't get a bunch of loud-mouthed newspaper execs together without someone either noticing or leaking the news... so it got out. And then the newspapers admitted it with a carefully worded statement about how they got together "to discuss how best to support and preserve the traditions of newsgathering that will serve the American public." Oh, fucking yes… Very noble. And, yes, they apparently had an antitrust lawyer or two at the meeting. Douchenozzles!

Pay up you bastards. Wendy needs a new yacht!

Dell loses a shitload of money. Enfatico moves Corporate Headquarters to Bangladesh?

In case you missed it, Dell’s results came out last night, and surprise, surprise… They lost a shitload of money… Which is why their stock price is up big time today… You have to take your hat off to those fucktards on Wall Street. It must be some kind of fucking Klingon reverse logic shit. Anyway, as their income dropped about ten million fucking percent… They have announced they will continue to be in a “cost-cutting” mode for the next few hundred years… This does not bode well for “Agency of the Past” Enfatico. In spite of their “Super Creativity at Bangladesh Prices” they can look forward to doing even less work for Dell… If in fact they’re doing any right now!

It's Friday... Remember!

Courtney Love gets Am-Ex nose candy account closed!

Oh, fucking Oh… You have to love this… I just found out that Ace Female Douchenozzle, Courtney Love, owes THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND FUCKING DOLLARS on her various American Express credit cards… I mean, c’mon, if you or I showed up at Shutters on the Beach for a “Laxative with Stool Softener shoot,” with Pitka, or Kinka… And the black suited Ermenegildo Zegna fucktard on the desk swiped the old Platinum, and all of a sudden the alarms went off, and the sprinklers started pissing all over every wanker in the lobby… We’d be out on the fucking street with all the rest of Santa Monica’s “world’s richest” homeless, before we could say “Charge that to my WPP, Neil French, Titanium Card.” Ha, it’s the end of the world as we know it. And about fucking time!

Fuck... I hope these Depends hold out!!!

Creativity tells you everything you didn’t need to know about digital production, Yawn, fucking Yawn!

In a comment to a previous post, “Slomo,” ask if we have all read Creativity's Integrated Production White Paper: To which I have to answer “No.” But being game for anything I went to the site, and read it… Same old, same old, with, as you would expect, major douchenozzles spouting of about their expertise in everything from fucking web films, console games, video- and game-driven microsites, merchandise
and e-commerce sites, Facebook applications, iPhone applications, comic books,music festivals, art installations, interactive billboards, stores,QR-code-based posters and print ads, augmented reality experiences, impromptu dancing in public spaces. In fact, a giant yawn… Best of all they give seven case studies as examples of what the fuck is going on… And guess what? CP+B has two of the seven… Why the fuck am I not surprised?

CP+B does digital chicken!

Poisoned Dwarf continues pissing match with Omnicom!

I’ve posted a couple of time recently about Sir Martin's plan to award himself a bonus of a hundred million dollars or so in the next five years, and how the WPP shareholders are not too enamored about this “bend over and take this you fuckers” idea. Well, the interesting bit in today’s AdAge piece states that “WPP would have to outperform 90% of its competitors, compared with 75% under the previous scheme. There is also a weighting element, with a greater emphasis on outperforming certain groups -- Omnicom in particular -- in order to reap maximum rewards.” Just like Larry “The Shogun” Ellison has spent his life being obsessed with the idea of one day being richer than Bill Gates, So has the “Height Challenged One” been similarly obsessed with claiming the number one advertising holding company spot from Omnicom. This year, after buying every fucking douchenozzle company in sight, he finally managed it. Seems like he is trying to incentivize himself to retain that spot. The fact that this will make him even more obscenely rich has fuck all to do with it. Yeah, we know, it’s all about keeping score!

Just pay me the fucking money. You know you have no choice!

psfk “Good Ideas” update for unemployed wankers!

Piers over at psfk want me to draw the attention of AdScammers wanting to attend this event (June 5th in Manhattan) to the updated information on the site. This shows the pricing and the twenty percent discount for the unemployed ex ad people who are now selling fucking apples outside Draft/FCB and Ogilvy. Check it out… Be there. No excuses.

Are you talking to me?

Ogilvy Chicago going down the rancid tubes?

A Chicago AdScammer points me in the direction of Lewis Lazar’s column in yesterday’s Chicago Sun Times. Ogilvy Chicago Needs New Leadership. As usual Lewis kicks the shit out of the guilty parties. My informant points out that the place is broken from top to bottom. Salary raises are very rare, as the two fucktards running the place, Joe Sciarrotta and Jack Rooney (Sciarrotta/Rooney – Sounds like a lower East Side protection racket) keep all the money for themselves. Apparently Joe S. runs the place like a K-Mart version of Tony Soprano. Bad creative judgment. Paranoid. Not client friendly. Senior suits tend to hire family members and it would seem that the “No  Nepotism” rule in David’s little red handbook don't apply to the big wankers. The whole thing is a recipe for disaster. Lewis points out New York is showing little interest in this fuck up… Perhaps because they have even bigger problems on their own doorstep. 

The new Ogilvy "Mission Statement!"