AdScam/The Horror!

Before attending the Apple shareholder meeting you will be cavity searched for hidden iPhone's!

You know things are getting decidedly weird at Apple when today's shareholder meeting was held behind closed doors. Even worse, there was no streaming of the event on its website and people attending were not allowed to carry any communications devices, including even fucking iPhones! Plus, this will be the first shareholder gathering without Jobs since 1997. It was said, shareholders might be able to ask him questions over an audio feed ... Not video, fucking audio! Which makes you wonder what GodJobs is looking like these days? Strangely, Apple's stock was up nearly a dollar despite receiving a downgrade on Tuesday. Further proof the stock market is even more fucked up than the ad biz. I know I've taken the piss out of him over the years, but I've always acknowledged he's an evil fucking genius. I wish him well.

Ah... The good old days!

Even more on Enfatico... Because you know you want it!

Interesting to to see the difference in reaction to yesterday's Enfatico news about their 8% layoffs has been greeted by the two major trades trades. AdWeek, merely does a cut and paste of Enfatico's press release and even lumps it in with news of layoffs at Martin. Over at AdAge, Rupal Parekh does her usual splendid job, taking delight in pointing out... In a September sit-down interview with Ad Age, Mr. Boone said Enfatico had previously turned away some new-business opportunities, and estimated the agency would bring a new client onto its roster in six to nine months. Which means we should be expecting the big announcement any day now! She even points out that Valerie Hausladen has been axed as GM of the Austin office after serving less time than Julie managed at Wal-Mart. (well, I threw the last bit in.) Ms. Hausladen will probably go back to running her previous company that is... 100% dedicated to helping individuals and businesses reach their highest potential through its deep business, marketing and organizational expertise. Fucking way to go Valerie. Maybe you could team up with Julie and create "The Agency of the Fucking Future!"

Why is this man sweating?

It takes a fucktard to appreciate a fucktard!

My mate, Holly Sanders, ace reporter over at the New York Post, had a great column yesterday about what a fucktard Peter Arnell is, and why, in spite of his recent fuck ups, Pepsi is sticking by him. As Massimo d'Amore, CEO of PepsiCo Americas Beverages, put it when asked about the retarded Arnell "design" document that's been floating around the Internet for the last couple of weeks... "We are upset because this is proprietary information and was taken out of context. It was a pity. I don't know what the motivation was for the people who decided to put it out there. We love the new design and consumers have embraced it." Oh, fucking right, and worth every penny... Still, what can you expect from a douchenozzle with a name like Massimo d'Amore? C'mon, own up... It's really Ebenezer Snot, right?

Amen!!!

The beginning of the end for Enfatico?

The shit has hit the fan at Enfatico... They are laying off 8% of their staff. Which, based on their original head count of 1,000 means 80 people are now being escorted from their cubicles in Austin, New York and Azerbaijan. You can read all about it on the Enfatico blog. And if you really feel like you want to go through a root canal without the benefit of Novocain, you can read the gory details in a memo from Torrance Boon to all the loyal Enfatico-Nozzles, stressing that although the glistening icebergs are looming ahead, do not worry, we are about to re-arrange the deck chairs on the good ship WPP once again. Anyone with half a brain should have known this was coming... If you don't believe me, just look at the way Dell stock has tanked over the last year. When the multi-billionaire founder/CEO client sees his personal wealth shrinking at that rate... Changes have to be made... And what comes first? Obviously advertising and marketing. The Poisoned Dwarf must be kicking himself in his tiny arse right now for engaging in a deal that was poisoned from the beginning. But what the fuck... If things go deeper down the shitter, just lay a few thousand more peons off. Then pay the maintenance on the Gramercy Park Palace!

Cap'n, I canna hold'er anymore. The dylithium bullshit crystals ar-a-bout ta explode!!!

Twitter wankers, listen up!

To answer the comment from "in the green grass on the other side” that blog post would have been so much better if it were limited to 140 characters. Damn shame. All I can say is... Oh fuck, I've already gone over my character allowance by about 100!!! Dontcha think Shakespeare and GBS and Oscar, not to mention Gonzo, would have thought this was giant wank?

Further proof... Twitter is for douchenozzles. And I'm now up to about a thousand characters. Fuck, fuck, fuck... That's an extra 15! Oh shit, even more!!!

Twitter this, Fucktard!!!

My very last Twitter post... Maybe!

I wish people would stop writing shit about Twitter... Yeah, I know I've been writing shit about Twitter... 'Cos it is SHIT... But everyone else seems to think it's so fucking great and cool... Some douchenozzle over at AdAge is going on about how Twitter can transform the way ad agencies work. He actually says about Web 2.0 tools and social media... "Twitter can improve on a host of agency functions and often at a fraction of the cost. To be clear, Twitter won't displace all the functions of a marketing agency. Companies will continue to need brand identities, lead-generation programs and creative ideas that connect with people emotionally. Twitter, however, can serve as a marketing platform that allows companies to build brands, manage customer relationships, and share content. It's simple, it's powerful and it's inexpensive." Share content... In 140 characters! Build Brands... In 140 characters! Manage Customer Relationships... From a fucking call center in Bangladesh! He then goes on to say, quite rightly, that through social networks, brand identity has broken free of the agency-driven campaign, and companies such as Zappos and Amazon have built their brands through the principles of community with very limited advertising. Yes indeed, but I'm dead sure Amazon wouldn't be what it is today if it hadn't first created a revolutionary new business model... And they certainly couldn't have done it on Twitter.

Who needs 140 fucking characters?

Julie Roehm suffering from a shortage of tweets?

"twitman" has a comment on my last Julie Roehm post... Looks like Julie needs some followers on Twitter...here's the link: http://explore.twitter.com/jaroehm. What's funny is that if you go to her twat site you'll find a few "tweets" dated Feb 19th... Then these...

Was in Zurich and London last week and West Palm the weekend before..can you say frequent flyer miles?:) 6:22 AM Mar 5th, 2008 from web

hanging out at a new tech co in DC, just got back from NY yesterday and off to Philly later today. 6:21 AM Mar 5th, 2008 from web 

Hangin' out at the coffee shop - working. 2:57 PM May 31st, 2007 from web

Judging by his first two, "Web" is obviously a dickhead poseur who makes shit up, 'cos his last one gives the game away. He sits in Starbucks all day Tweeting his tiny brains out. What I don't get are the dates. I know fuck all about Twitter, but was it going in May, 2007? Actually, I don't give a rats ass!

There's a lesson to be learned there!

Facebook making money... And other fairy tales!

As you may have gathered by now, I think most of the social networking sites are a load of old cobblers. Yes, I'm a big fan of suicide girls, 'cos they got it right, and they actually make money. MySpace is for pimply kids who can't spell and have the most appalling sense of design. Anyway, it's owned by Oz-Fascist, Murdoch. Twitter is for retards... Yeah, I know I'm on there... But I didn't do it, the fucking "founder" did it! But, Facebook is increasingly pissing me off with wankers I do not know wanting to be my friend. That's why I am always pleased to read about how Mark Sucker-berg has to keep apologizing for invading users privacy, while continuing to claim that one day, they might actually make some fucking money. And when you consider Facebook is valued at over $15 fucking billion, you have to wonder what the fuck is going on. Time for a drink!

The Facebook Seal of Approval!

You asked for it... So here's my Peter Arnell rant!!!

Several of you have asked why I haven't yet hammered ace douchenozzle Peter Arnell for his Tropicana fuck up as reported in this mornings New York Times... And yes, I have called him out several times in the past for being an uber-poseur who should have been taken behind the woodshed years ago and shot with a shit-gun (it's like a paint gun, but with better ammunition!) His retarded quote “I’m incredibly surprised by the reaction, but I’m glad Tropicana is getting this kind of attention.” Will live in fucking infamy. The NYT columnist, Stuart Elliot blathers on in his usual painful style about comparable shit in the past, like the launch of "New Pepsi' which pissed so many people off, barely mentioning that this was not a packaging change, but more importantly, a product formulation change. Still, that's what you get when ad columns are written by people who've never worked in advertising. Kinda like Matt over at AgencySpy... Sorry Matt, couldn't stop myself. Anyway, the important question is, if you have a successful product, why the fuck change the packaging? Maybe that had something to do with it's fucking success. But then again, I'm not a fucking MBA, thank Christ.

Listen up Peter!!!

Twitter this you douchenozzles!

In my continuing campaign to make the universe realize that Twitter is strictly for brain dead fucktards, many thanks to "slomo" for pointing out this hilarious piece on valleywag... "I just came from The New York Times building, where I took in part of Times Open, a day-long event for developers interested in working with the NYTimes.com as a news and information platform. I had to sit on the floor because every seat was taken by a 30-ish guy in jeans with a Mac laptop. Most of them seemed to be Twittering the conference as they went, and following each other's Twitter feeds. Surreal moment: At one point, the guy sitting closest to me was reading a blog post containing a photo of the guy sitting immediately behind him." Ha, that's fucking brilliant. Get a life guys... And not a Second Life... As "slomo" also points out this fucker is toast after burning through $19 million in VC money during its short, miserable existence. Avatar my arse!

"Twitter Feed!!!"