AdScam/The Horror!

Alan Wolk hits Boise!!!

Alan Wolk, of "The Toad Stool" fame, is in Boise, Idaho for a couple of days. And as all loyal AdScammer's know, Boise, Idaho, is where I live. If you have to ask who the fuck Alan Wolk is, you are a fucktard, who probably lives in Boulder, is taking guitar lessons, paints your fingernails black and thinks "Hoopla" is the best book on advertising ever written, until "Nine Inch Diet" came along... Anyway, I digress... Alan was giving a speech on social media bullshit (just taking the piss, Alan. And a very good speech it was!) to the local Ad Club... As I said, excellent speech, bad food included... No booze, just fucking iced tea and diet soda... That's why I don't belong to the Boise Ad Club... Well, there are other reasons, but as I've already pissed off all the Mormons in town, fuck it, I don't want the Ad Club fire bombing my house as well. Anyway, I digress... Again... Must be all that fucking iced tea. Alan and I will be having cocktails in the next hour or so... We'll have a few for you and I'll pass on your regards... 'Cos we are a pair of fucking princes.

Boise... Gateway to... Mormons!!!

Odds and sods!!!

Just to rub it in, The Ubiquitous Persuaders is now available on Kindle. So go buy a Kindle for three hundred and fifty fucking dollars, and download my book. While you're at it download MadScam as well. Don't be a tight fuck. It's only money. So what if you just got laid off, I have to fucking eat too.

In the never ending series of Downfall rip offs (The movie about the last days of Hitler in the bunker) Someone just sent me one in which Hitler applies for a job in an Ad Agency. Pretty funny, he swears more than me.

Then apropos nothing, here's a great one titled "Jesus vs Hitler" I love this shit. The problem is, once you're on YouTube, you can't get off... Takes up all your valuable Twitter time... Yeah, my arse.

For Wisey!

Shameless reminder!!!

Did you buy The Ubiquitous Persuaders yet? If not, why the fuck not? I spent eighteen months busting my arse writing it. Chris's finger are now bleeding stumps after designing it. Do you want to spend the rest of your life knowing that, deep down inside, you are a shit gobbling fucktard. No, of course not. Get on Amazon now. Buy the fucking thing. Sleep like a baby tonight. Always remember, I have the power of life and death! Do I know how to write persuasive, intellectually stimulating copy, or what?

Buy the fucking thing!

Facebook explained!

This is the very best explanation I have ever seen of exactly what Facebook is all about. Fucking hilarious. It's the work of SomeGreyBloke in Britain. I love the way he claims Facebook is actually a MMORPG in which the objective is to collect "Friends." Finally, I fucking get it... Brilliant. Wait 'til near the end when he talks about his "Good looking females" group, which is further subdivided into "Way too young" - "Impractical or Unavailable" - "Potentials." Fucking terrific. I hope he does one on Twitter. Don't be a fucktard, watch it now. Then check out his Web site.

This is the GreyBlokes "Self portrait in bathroom."

Enfatico defends itself... But not very well!

Some of you may know that I also do a blog in the UK for BrandRepublic. The Tribble Agency certainly does, and picked up on it yesterday. I assume the Queen also reads it, 'cos I am not allowed to swear. Anyway, yesterday, I did a post about the Enfatico fuck up, and got a comment from "Beth," who is obviously an Enfatico Spokes-Hack. Here's what she said...

Like every other company worldwide, the economic downturn has had an impact on our business and that of our client partner Dell.  Despite our realignment, we believe in our business model, based on efficiency, integration and analytics.  Our strategy puts us in a stronger position to maximize resources, eliminate duplication, deliver results and drive us through these tough financial times. Beth@enfatico 

What a load of old bollocks! So here was my swear-free, reply...

Oh dear, company spokes-hack, Beth defends the Enfatico business model as... "efficiency" - Not when you duplicate everything that already exists within WPP... "Integration" - Isn't that what everyone claims these days? "Analytics" Yet another lame way of saying "Research." Note, there is no mention of "creativity "or "content." It's all about process, and unfortunately, that's something the wheels seem to be falling off! Cheers/George

What a fucking douchenozzle-esse. I'm on AdScam now, so I can say what the fuck I like!

We are not fucking amused!

Dell numbers totally suck = Enfatico numbers totally, totally suck = Meaning everything fucking totally sucks!

OK... I posted yesterday about how Enfatico will be, if not exactly toast in the next few months, they will end up being rolled into Grey, or Y&R. ergo... The end of the "Agency of the Future!" Compounding the shitstorm was the news at close of market today that Dell reported its lowest fourth-quarter profit since 2002. Net income was $351 million, or 18 cents a share, down 48 percent from the $679 million, or 31 cents a share, reported in the same period last year. Even fucking worse, sales fell to $13.4 billion–a 16 percent drop from the $16 billion the company reported last year. Meaning, these guys are now in the "World of Pain" that can only be resolved by slashing everything down to the bleeding bone... Oh fucking dear, you know that means advertising. Was it only 14 months ago that WPP was claiming to have invented the fucking agency of the future? Hiring thousands of people to replace the existing 850 agencies Dell employed worldwide. Sorry if I'm getting fucking tedious here... But, I fucking told you so!

Ha, fucking Ha... You're getting fucked, Dude!

The shit continues to hit the fan!

News of more layoffs in today's AdWeek. No surprise that they are happening in shops handling Chrysler business. BBDO, Troy showed 50 people the door, and PHD let 30 staffers go. When you consider Chrysler is the only piece of business the BBDO shop has, this is looking fucking ominous... Mind you, when they launch the Peter Arnell "PeaPod" Electric Car everything will be wonderful. Although based on Ex-Jabber's current track record, I'd be signing up for unemployment now. Have you seen it? It's a fucking joke. Would you be caught dead in a piece of shit like that? I wonder how many millions they paid him for that? Douchenozzles.

A car for wankers designed by a wanker!

"A Fucktard" turns out to be a fucktard!

Someone with the melodic name "A Fucktard," made a comment on my last "Twitter Wanker" post... He says... "It's not about creating fantastic prose, it's about utilizing emerging technologies to facilitate the creation of meaningful connections." What he doesn't seem to realize is that I am not knocking Twitter as a piece of technology... What I am saying is that, as usual, everyone is jumping on it as the "Next Big Thing." They even claim it will be a great brand building tool... Which is absolute bullshit. It may be useful in support of other communication efforts. On it's own, it's a giant wank... These same claims were made for Second Life and lots of major companies drank the Kool-Aid. How many are on there now? If you know your advertising history, you'll know that the argument was made sixty years ago that TV would kill radio. Instead radio adapted. We've lived through many of these technology paradigm shifts that were going to change everything, only a handful actually did. What was the most radical change in office technology in the last sixty years? No, not the PC... At the time, it was the Xerox 914! I may be an old fart... But I've been around the fucking track enough times to have heard all this bullshit over and over... And 90% of it is bullshit!

George Lois did the ad!

And the Golden Bjork goes to...

I suppose lots of PR Douchnozzles out there think I have some kind of influence over the ad community (which I fucking do!) 'cos they keep sending me fucking releases about their clients latest breakthrough in guerilla marketing, or game show product placement, or really really bad TV commercials. But yesterday I got a fucking classic... It read... Samuel and Gunnar Dominate Nominations for Icelandic Award Show... The Icelandic Award show has nominated directors Samuel and Gunnar of multimedia and content creation firm Crossroads and Icelandic production company Sagafilm for four out of five awards in the "Best Commercial of the Year" category. The nominations follow up the award-winning duo's gold medal in the same category in 2007 for their work on The Last Supper for Siminn, an Icelandic telecom company. But, aren't there only 300 people living in Iceland, and now that their banking system has collapsed, aren't most of them even more drunk than usual? But hey... They just got mentioned on AdScam. That's worth a case or two of whatever the fuck it is they drink in Iceland.

Who the fuck are Samuel and Gunnar?

Getty gets greedy. Careful, you could get fucked!

My London drinking mate... Well, ONE of my London drinking mates, Ralf, The Cartoonist, has a rather disturbing post today about a copywriter he knows who has received a cease and desist letter (for which he has to pay 1000 Euros) from Getty Images, because in his online portfolio there are apparently a few Getty images used in the ads he has done over the years- for which we have to assume the agency and client had paid any fees before the ads ran. Anyway, Getty is claiming Copyright Infringement and all the other wanky bullshit. And you know these fucktards have armies of lawyers. This is really fucked if they get away with it because it means anything you use on a Web site or Blog is fair game for these wankers. Read the post, it's important.

He doesn't need the money... He's fucking dead!