AdScam/The Horror!

Enfatico knocks Moscow office on head !!!

It would seem that ex-Texas university student, selling shit out of the trunk of his car, wunderkind, Michael Dell, has really pissed off ex-KGB, hiding bodies of dead CIA double-agents in trunk of his car, Vladmir Putin, at this weeks Davos wank-fest! When Michael Dell made some kind of cretinous pitch to help Russia with its computers, he got the cold-as-Siberia shoulder from Prime Minister Vladimir Putin. 'We don't need help,' shot back Putin. 'We are not invalids. We don't have limited mental capacity' (video — rant starts at 1:24). 'Our programmers are some of the best in the world. 'No one would contest that here — not even our Indian colleagues." Doesn't this vodka swilling, red cabbage eating, World War II winning, I eat Rush Limbaugh for breakfast, Goddamn Commie know that the only work Enfatico has put out in the last ten years... Was a really bad INDIAN campaign? We can compete at the abysmal crap level with anyone... And we can be slower to deliver than any other fucker in a rapidly collapsing economy. So, shove that up your collective arse, we have Enfatico blogs to write!!!

Get the Poisoned Dwarf on the phone... I have an offer he can't refuse!

Whisky by-products... The ultimate oxymoron!!!

The good news from last week is that the Rothes consortium of whisky and scotch distillers, makers of everything worth drinking, from wonderful single malts, such as Macallan and Highland Park, to uber rip-off blends like Chivas Regal, to the very best inexpensive Scotch on the market... Famous Grouse... Have just announced they have partnered with Helius Enery to install a power plant fueled by none other than, whisky by-products! Oh, fucking yes. I assume that would be Haggis, kippers and custard, and various iterations of kilt deodorant which allow you to engage in a conversation with a "jimmie" in your local Gorbells boozer without passing out! I'm damn sure we can all drink to that.

Hey Jimmie... Di ya have a fuckin problem wie that?

Superbowl dumbness!

I've posted on this shit before, but I'm still at a loss to understand why dumbfuck clients shell out $3 million for a 30 second spot on the "Superbowl of Advertising!" First off, the only people who think it's the "Superbowl of Advertising" are the media and the people in advertising. I honestly don't think the average viewer gives a toss any more, particularly as many of the spots have become at best. Yeah, you may get the odd Monday Morning Water Cooler comment when drooling guys remember the GoDaddy girls tits, while not having any recall of the GoDaddy name, lets alone what these fucktards were actually advertising. And as I've also posted in the past... Fuck the Clydesdales... Bud tastes like horse piss anyway. And thanks to AdLand, YouTube and dozens of other sites, you can see all the spots long before the day they are supposed to run. I know everyone wants to go fucking viral, but that is actually contrary to what makes a TV spot an event, and not just another TV spot. Always remember, the first (and only) time anyone saw the best Superbowl spot of all time, was when it ran during the 1984 game... The build up and anticipation was incredible. If they'd shown it beforehand, it would have been just another spot. Why the fuck do I have to explain everything?

Yeah... Send me three cases of the girl with the big tits!

I eat humble pie (gladly) on my Leo Burnett post!!!

I am happy to make a correction on my post about the 250 layoffs at Leo Burnett, Chicago, the other day. They contacted me and said the number was actually 75... OK, I am used to having agencies trying to obfuscate the facts, but Abby Lovett, the head PR honcho for LB Global was completely up front with me and told me the facts. I then coincidentally got an email from someone inside with no axe to grind. It read... It was 80 people on Wed., not 250.  Across all departments.   Starcom let about 80 go a week or so ago which is probably where that 250 rumor came from.  LB waited as long as possible before having to do this.  It was respectful (no security escort to the door) and the severance was very good.  LB is a great place to work and unlike some BDA's, treats it's current and former employees with respect. OK... That makes it worthwhile to do this correction. I am glad the company is upholding the traditions of its founder. I was lucky enough to meet Leo a couple of times when I was much younger... Like most of those of that era, Ogilvy, Bernbach, Lois (well, George was OK, if you didn't piss him off, then he'd punch the shit out of you!) he was a fucking gentleman. There are NONE left. Anyway, happy to make this correction. I have a feeling there won't be many more.

A nice guy... I hope some fucking blogger says that about me a few years from now... Nahh. They'll say I was a douchenozzle!!!

Fuck the Superbowl douchenozzlry... Get everything you want on Adland!!!

My good mate "DaBitch" over at Adland is going all out to cater to fucktard AdHo football fans who are desirous of more than simply watching hours and fucking hours of 350 pound gorillas wrapped in armor plate crashing into each other, while destroying their innards sucking on Bud Light and eating Domino's cardboard pizzas. No... Do not put yourself through this fucking exercise in futility... Go to Adland right now and see not only all the spots that will run on Sunday, but also access the worlds largest Superbowl commercial archive, 37 years of super bowl commercial nostalgia can be seen on Adland. And as I said, this years Superbowl commercials are already up on the site. So you don't have to watch the fucking douchenozzle game. You can get fucked up watching classic OLD commercials, which are way better than the pathetic NEW commercials the BDA's are spewing out these days. And for a taste of all the great stuff on there... Check out when Farrah Fawcett creamed Joe Namath? Great stuff. Get the fuck over there.

Shit... They don't make hair like that anymore!

Tell Y&R they can shove your book up their BDA arse!!!

Some of the comments on my "Y&R does Stupid" post claim that we should not destroy the desire of these young whippersnappers to work in the ad biz... OK, I can sign off on that... But here's my main point... The BDA ad biz is fucked, it will only get worse as the conglomerates increasingly rely on buying up datametrics, synergistic, wankodata, whatever, companies as a solution to bolster the bottom line, irrespective of the quality of the work. If these young un's want to get in the business with any hope of a career... Don't fucking stand in line in the reception area of a classic BDA, hoping to get your book critiqued by some douchenozzle CD. And by the way... What the fuck are you doing with a "book" these days. Even an old fart like me hasn't had a "book" in years. Get with the program guys... There are better people to talk to than some outdated part of the Poisoned Dwarf's empire. Jesus... Do I have to fucking tell you everything?

Yeah... Well you have to have a job first, right?

Draft/FCB massacre alert!!!

Spies at Draft/FCB have indicated that today will be a major bloodbath with mass layoffs... Yet again! If it doesn't happen today, it will probably happen on Monday. Apparently the mail room has been stocking up on cardboard boxes so the poor fucking unfortunates can pack up their meager belongings before being escorted off the premises with barely sufficient time to genuflect as they pass Louie's private gym on the way out. I'll keep you posted on this on-going situation. Other spies buried deep inside the "Yet another Agency of the Future," tell me that in spite of the drastic reductions in bodies, Draft/FCB is still billing their unfortunate fucktard clients at the same rate, claiming that ten people still work on a given account, when in reality, it's more like three. Which raises the question... How much longer can these douchenozzles get away with it?

And if you work at Draft/FCB... It's smoke and mirrors!

Y&R does stupid!

As a further demonstration that BDA's have no fucking clue about anything... Last night, Y&R, San Francisco had a "Portfolio Night," Inviting prospective creatives to come in and have their portfolio reviewed. Apparently 300-450 people showed up. There's a video of the poor schmucks standing in line in the Y&R reception... Well, hello, fucking hello. I have just one question... As there are currently thousands of poor fuckers being laid in just about every BDA... What the fuck are these douchenozzles doing inviting hundreds of wannabe ad monkeys to something that might raise their hopes, when they have absolutely NO FUCKING HOPE of getting a job in the next ten fucking years. BDA's... Sometimes you just have to have another drink!!!

Welcome to Y&R. That will be $100 thank you.

Dell does hand jobs - Enfatico standing by!

"Agency of the Future" - Enfatico - is no doubt gearing up for the launch of Dell's second attempt at the smart phone market. Apparently Dell has come up with two handsets, a version with a touch-screen, ala Apple's iPhone and Pre from Palm, and one with a slide-out QWERTY keypad. The chances of taking market share from the iPhone and the Crackberry are slim to fucking zero, particularly if they issue the same breathless PR they did for CES... Remember, I posted about how they wrote on their "blog," such soporific gems as... "The press were left swooning," and when their Apple air Killer (Ha, fucking Ha) was unveiled it was "followed by energetic gasps from the crowd! It was a scene that will forever change the way people view Dell…it was the first glimpse of Dell’s new luxury franchise." Yes indeed... Good stuff for bloggers. You have to love PR-Flacks, they never fail to deliver the goods. With Dell being a drastic under-performer since its founder returned to rescue it. The company continues to get hammered by Hewlett-Packard with market share down 60 percent last year, and the stock trading below $10 a share. At the same time it's plagued by layoffs, hiring freezes and cost-cutting. Still I'm sure "The Agency of the Future" will pull the chestnuts from the fire. No doubt the Poisoned Dwarfs smart phone is glowing in the Davos twilight. Maybe he should simply bite the bullet buy Dell, he hasn't bought anything since yesterday.

This certificate of authenticity with every Enfatico campaign!

 

The WPP carnage continues... Hey, carry on skiing!

Couple of emails from AdScam spies late last night that at least twenty people got axed at MindShare yesterday (Thursday).... With strong rumors there will be even more today! Also, another ten poor fuckers let go from Y&R yesterday.. Apparently all creatives... And the word is that this is just the tip of the Iceberg for major, major blood letting throughout the WPP Empire... Meantime, the Poisoned Dwarf is recreating the fucking world as we know it, whilst hobnobbing with the rich douchenozzles in Davos. Where the fuck is this going to end???

No... Even more shit!!!