AdScam/The Horror!

Microsoft + Yahoo... Is happening... Kinda!

According to the Times of London, Microsoft is in talks to acquire Yahoo’s online search business for $20 billion. No big surprise there. Ace douchenozzle Yang now has more egg on his face that the entire IHOP menu. Seems like MS will install a new Yahoo management team... Well, fucking yes. They will not take over the entire company, 'cos they're not that fucking stupid. Having said that, you have to wonder if $20 billion isn't an awful lot of money to buy search market share. Particularly if all those MS haters out there just say, fuck it, I'll switch to Google. Still, $20 billion is just the loose change at the back of Gate's Barcalounger.

Well, you didn't expect any old Barcalounger, did you?

Fancy an MBA in douchenozzlry?

My mate Ralf, "The Cartoonist," Has pointed out what looks like yet another giant fucking ad-school scam. This one is the Berlin School of Creative Leadership. And yes, for several thousand dollars, you can spend eighteen months earning an MBA in "Creative Leadership." Check out the faculty, all the usual suspects are there, including Rick Boyco, Miha Pogacnik (a fucking concert violinist) and Professor Pierre Casse, who looks suspiciously like Hitler's son. The program is based on "six pillars of leadership unique to the creative industry," whatever the fuck they are. The best part though, is their blog, which has been up since June, 2007, and has ten fucking posts, one of which is from Lau-Tzu - I thought he was dead. The most recent post is dated January 2008! That's worse than Enfatico. I wonder how many fucktards will sign up for this. Probably hundreds, then they can get a job at Draft/FCB.

Boyco... What the fuck is a Boyco?

Today's fashion news.

My old drinking mate, Ivan "The Count" Horvath, has designed the first in an upcoming line of very trendy men's wear for the discriminating Ad Man. Fuck this Mad Men 60's retro shit. This is very 2009. It can also be worn by British Chavs (football hooligans) when beating up strangers on the street. My London girlfriend, Kate Moss will be seen sporting it at London's Soho House, while having the obligatory fag dangling from her piehole.

The AdScam "Hoodie!" Taking orders soon.

Here we go again!!!

Today's AdAge has a video from their Media Mavens Awards event. It features Nick Brien, the CEO of Interpublic's Mediabrands. His main point is that as the economy tightens, agencies should throw "branding" out the window and concentrate on producing work that is "hard sell" as this will produce more sales for clients. Firstly, this happens every time things get tough, branding out - hard sell in. Secondly, if this approach will sell more of an agency clients goods and services... Why the fuck don't these douchenozzles recommend doing it all the time? I'll tell you why... Because you can't quantify what all those millions spent on branding actually do for you. That way you can't be held accountable. And if there's one thing BDA's hate, it's being held accountable. Fucktards!!!

How about some of this?

Does Charlie Saatchi no longer "heart" Damien Hirst?

One of the big news items in the London dailies last week that proves the economy is really tanking, was the fact that Uber-Art-Fucktard, Damien Hirst was laying off some of his army of "apprentices" engaged in the production of his spin and butterfly paintings, not to mention his "verging on the edge of super-stupid" medicine cabinets... All of which are an invitation for people with more money than brains to blow their ill gotten gains on worthless pieces of trash... So, you ask, what has this to do with advertising? Simply Google the relationship between Damien Hirst and Charlie Saatchi to discover why rich ad douchenozzles enjoy a rich parasitic relationship with rich art douchenozzles. 

OK, times are tough... For you, the rotting bull in the fish tank. Marked down to $25 million... A fucking steal. Believe me!!!

Poisoned Dwarf gets just deserts!

Jim Edwards over at bnet points out that the Poisoned Dwarf has recently been given the freedom of the City of London. Funny, he didn't mention it to me last week when he treated me to steak & kidney pudding in his basement lair! Anyway The ceremonial honor comes with a number of unique privileges dating back to the middle ages. Among them is the right to herd sheep over London Bridge. But he cannot fuck them in the process. Other rights His Gnomeship now enjoys include:

· To go about the City with a drawn sword.

· To be married in St. Paul’s Cathedral.

· To be buried in the City.

· If convicted of a capital offense, to be hanged with a silken rope.

· To avoid being press-ganged (i.e. forced to work on a ship).

· To be drunk and disorderly without fear of arrest.

So, the little tosser can do anything he fucking likes, providing it's within the city limits. If he does anything naughty outside, they can hang him with anything.

Will it fit in the basement?

London's intellectual pursuits!

During my London visit last week, I caught up with my good friend, Ralf, otherwise known as "The Cartoonist." Who hosts, without doubt one of the best blogs around. We spent the afternoon in The John Horner, which is the name of the pub on the corner, (Cockney rhyming slang!) next to my hotel. Very convenient. Much ale was drunk, and all the problems of the BDA's, douchenozzles and fucktards in the world were sorted out. It's a British thing. Along with tripe, jellied eels, kippers and custard and spotted dick. Can't wait to go back!

Me... Guess where?

AdScam takes the high ground!

It would seem that my post of yesterday about Agency Spy's new found obsession with sex generated a lot of interest. One wanker, by the name of "Dan Tanner" describes me as a cranky old fart saying douchenozzle too many times, and posting too often about Draft/FCB. To which I have to offer my usual piece of advice... No one forces you to read this shit. So why don't you stop reading AdScam and devote all your energies to Agency Spy... You fucking douchenozzle! That's better. As for my friend "The Founder" I'm not picking on Matt, I'm just saying that a lot of the stuff they post about now is shit you can read on AdAge or AdWeek, apart from sex videos... That's not what blogging is all about. It's supposed to express a point of view. Where's the piss and vinegar? Even Agency Spy has toned it down considerably from the early days, now it smacks of all the other MediaBistro blogs. Which are pretty fucking awful. But never forget, this is a "For Profit" site, and the people who write for it get paid to do it. I get fuck all for working my balls off, but as I have no one to answer to, I don't give a fuck. Finally, some douchenozzle-esse over at MediaPost has written the worlds most name dropping, nauseating, sycophantic post about Agency Spy's Party last night. Have a few stiff ones before reading it. You'll need them!

After a night out in London last week with George Parker, who the fuck needs Agency Spy?

Vodka freaks - Listen up!

It seems that every time I do a post about about drink, booze, alcohol, whatever, everyone jumps in with a comment. Regarding Tom's reference to the Stoli boycott, remember when the right wing fucktard's (Not you Tom) changed french fries to freedom fries, and some brain dead members of congress engaged in photo-ops of themselves pouring Chateau Lafitte down the drain (You know the fuckers had filled the bottles with Gallo, after drinking the original contents) Anyway, moving on to the much discussed subject of vodka. Many years ago, I went to a soirée at the French Consulate in New York, at which the caviar was accompanied by Teton Glacier Vodka... Made in Idaho from potatoes (what else?) The famous French Chef they had brought in from Paris to do the reception (can't remember his name) said that in his opinion, it was the finest vodka in the world. At the time, there was only one other potato vodka still being made, Chopin, from Poland. About five times the price of Teton Glacier. It's made about fifty miles from where I live. I get a tanker load delivered every couple of weeks. Then I drink it with my freedom fries!

Made by Nazis!!!

   

Draft/FCB London maintaining values... In other words, they're fucked!

At the urging of AdScammer "Ed Krotch" here's the latest dirt out of Draft/FCB, London... From one of my Imperial spies and thanks to many pints... Several senior people, including Enda McCarthy and Logan Wilmott are leaving, or have already left. In common with the New York office, to say there is a vacuum in the leadership is putting it fucking mildly! And never forget, they had a major re-shuffle earlier this year. The new EMEA President is apparently pissing a lot of people off with his less than sterling perfomance. All in all, sounds like your typical Draft/FCB office. Best of all, one of the new creative directors  is banging one of the newly hired producers on his team. He must read Agency Spy. The other producers on the team feel very very uncomfortable about what this fucktard is obviously up to, but management isn't doing anything about it. The mood in the office is all about who's next for the chop. Perhaps Howard could drop in on one of his trips to the South of France with his girlfriend and sort this shit out. Yeah, fucking right.

On the other hand... It probably needs 007!