AdScam/The Horror!

More about me... Groan!!!

Answering some of the comments on my "Me" post of yesterday... Yeah, I was the "Copy Chief" (they still had those back in the dark ages) at deGarmo, or as it was known then, "deGarmo deGolf" 'cos John deGarmo was a golf nut. You can see some of the ads for Hassleblad and the Brody corp restaurants on my Web site, including Etoile. I was in there one night when Salvador Dali came in wearing a cape, top hat and with an ocelot on a leash, for which he demanded a chair at his table. Fucking brilliant. As GI Joe has posted, we were at Messner etc for a few moths 'till we got thrown out. Tom is right about the fucking furniture. My desk was a used door on fucking milk crates. We worked shifts, when the night crew left for breakfast at the Ear, we took over their hot seats to grind out even more MCI shit, then at lunch we got fucked up at... The Ear. Still there, great place. Tom... That sign was created by my old mate, Hubert Graf. See his book, also with some of my ads in it, in the sidebar. You can get it on Amazon for about ten cents now! Robin Raj was a douchenozzle. Pop... You can talk shit at any age, it's just that as you get older, the shit is more interesting. I remember years ago, talking to a young team at JWT, and I mentioned Mary Wells, they said "Mary who?" Fucktard's. AC... If I told you where the bodies are... I'd have to kill you!

Dali's Pussy!

Rich Google fucktard's get new toys!

In the "you can't make this shit up" column, there's news this week that the senior fucktard's over at Google, not being content with owning a Boeing 757, a Boeing 767, and two Gulfstream Vs. Sergey, Larry and Eric have now purchased a fighter jet. Yes a fucking 1982 Dornier Alpha Jet that fires rockets and shit... Why should Larry "Shogun" Ellison have all the fun with his fucking MIG? Apparently the Google Fuehrer's have done a deal with NASA to park the thing at Moffett Field, which is definitely not a commercial airfield. You can read more about this shit in the The New York Times. Including the fact that these douchenozzles are paying NASA about $2.3 million a year to park the fucking thing. When do you think they're going to declare war on Microsoft?

Biggles... Microsoft bandits at five o-clock!

Everything you ever wanted to know about George Parker!!!

Well, not quite everything. For that you'll have to wait for my next book to be published after The Ubiquitous Persuaders. This will be a true epic about an epic life... Adventures in Advertising. The reason for this post is to briefly answer some of the questions posed in comments on my George Lois post. "Moi" is correct, I have worked for everyone, therefore I am getting kickbacks from every agency that has ever existed, even if they no longer exist. As for scruples... What the fuck are they? "Founder" is also correct, I have been in every episode of Mad Men. "AC" No, I did not work on the original Ford campaign... But, I did work for two years on "Mr Whipple," and his little known buddy, "The Shy Salesman!" Apart from Lois, Gargano, Federico, Dick Lord and Arthur Einstein, I also had the great pleasure and honor to work with Mary Wells at Tinker. I've shot with most big name photographers and directors, including Mike Cimino of Deer Hunter, Heavens Gate fame... Who now lives in Paris and is called Barbara Cimino!!! Ha, fucking Ha! When I first came to the US as a student from London, I arrived on the Queen Mary... Yes, the one now moored in Longbeach, CA. I have made shitloads of money... I have blown shitloads of money. I've had a great time... And I haven't fucking finished yet. "Tom" I am 71 years old.

I also have a picture in the attic!

George Lois. Greek God. Punch Up Artist!!!

George Lois has a new book coming out that's reviewed in the New York Times. All his classics are in there... Just hope they have the launch spot for Xerox from the early sixties... The one with the "So simple, even a monkey could do it" tag line that only ran for a week, 'cos the secretaries of America freaked out and had it pulled. Unfortunately, there were too many of them for George to go around and punch on the nose, which was one of his favorite ways of winning an argument. Great fucking Art Director, even though he loved to recycle ideas... He did his "I want my XXX" for at least three different clients over the years. No, George, Idaho is too far for you to come and beat the shit out of me. He also mentions fellow legend, Gene Federico, who was the Art Director I worked with when I first came to the US and talked my way into a job at Benton & Bowles. Another classy guy no longer with us. I also worked with Elaine Gargano, the beautiful wife of Amil, during my three years at B&B. All this long before most of you fuckers were born. When the biz was fun... And yes, we smoked, drank and fucked our brains out... Ah, the good old days.

How George looked when I first met him.... 1964!!!

Criminal Arnell creates smiles... Fucks Pepsi!

Remember my post a week ago about the fuck-fest redesign of the Pepsi labels? There's an update in today's AdAge with even more gruesome details. It would seem that ace douchenozzle Peter Arnell is lyposuctioning the big bucks out of Pepsi for putting dumb-ass smiles and grins on the fucking labels. As AdAge points out, even though they will spend millions (way more than the $1 million the article suggests) on the design, they will spend fucking $billions on changing all the trucks,  signage and shit. Love the bit about "Top Pepsi Executives" Indra Nooyi and Massimo d'Amore (C'mon, no one's fucking name is "Maximum Love!!!) calling for a "quantum leap forward" in transforming the soft-drink category and defining Pepsi as a cultural leader. Listen fucktard's, as GodJobs once said, it's fizzy, sugared water. Manna from heaven, it ain't!

I prefer Jolt... With fucking gin in it!!!

Beware of Greeks bearing blogs!

Interesting to read the piece on political blogs in this weeks AdAge. Seems like the readership always takes a big dive after the elections with a corresponding decline in ad revenues. Apparently, Huffington Post (HufPo) pulled in just over $300 K in the first half of the year, which when you consider Arianna Huffington, the Greek douchenozzle, does not pay her blogger's a fucking cent (she considers it an honor to write for her!) isn't too shabby. As she puts it... "Our goal is twofold. One is to cater to every interest of our users. The other is to draw into Huffington Post people who are not necessarily political." She forgot the third... Attract writers fucking stupid enough to work for free! What a fucktard-esse!

Cut down on the fucking Ouzo!

Yeah... I kiss ass for money... I'm an AdHo... But no one pays you to read this shit!!!

For the benefit of "me" and all the other fucktard's who think I kiss arse for money... Listen up... Big kudos to Goodby for picking up the Quaker account last week. I now expect to pick up hundreds of thousand dollars-worth of work from the Wizards of the Bay... 'Cos according to the cretins who like to hammer the shit out of me on the very rare occasions that I actually say something nice about anyone in this fucked up biz... I am immediately accused of doing a "Puff-Piece-For-Money." Well... Yeah... I fucking wish... 'Cos unlike you fuckers, I admit, I am in this for money... Problem is... YOU CAN'T MAKE MONEY BLOGGING. So stop accusing me of doing this for money. I do this for the simple reason that I enjoy it, and strange as it may sound, several thousand people a day seem to enjoy it as well. Now, if by any chance you don't enjoy what I write... Stop fucking reading it.

Precisely!!!

Let's get something fucking straight about AdScam!

Oh dear, it would seem my post of yesterday about Lowe and Mark Wnek has stirred up the usual shit storm that happens whenever I say something half way nice about an agency or a person. So, lets, set the record straight. First in General. This blog is about my opinions on the biz... I do not attempt to either avoid conflict, or curry favor. I most certainly do not write nice things about agencies that throw work my way, including Lowe, JWT, O&M, Droga5, or the hundreds of others I have worked with in the past. Unlike "lowedown" and other high-principled fucktard's out there... I work for fucking money, and the way the economy is going, I will continue to do so as long as I can. I write bad shit about agencies and people, who in MY OPINION and based on unimpeachable sources, do bad shit. I occasionally write good things about the others. Specifically about Lowe. I have known and worked with Lowe, in one form or another since Sir Frank ran it... And before anyone bad mouths Mark Wnek, I would love to put you in a fucking room with Sir Frank for ten minutes. That would change your opinion, fast. I like Mark Wnek, I like his attitude, I like his work and I respect the fact that he has a very tough job. Never forget, when Sir Frank decided to bail and start Red Brick Road, he fucked up the network in general and the New York office in particular. And don't give me that big account losses in the last two years bullshit, because most of those happened on your heroine, Nancy Hill's watch. And yes, fucktards like "scam hammer" can call me a hypocrite, I've been called a lot worse in my time... The point is, this is MY FUCKING BLOG. It expresses my opinions. As I have repeatedly said, I do not censor comments. You can say what you like. So will I... If you don't agree with me, you don't have to read it... Remember, Howard Draft says he doesn't lose any sleep over AdScam!

There's always the magic button!

Lowe, New York, wins a good one!

I don't usually do the fucktard posts about account wins that you find on douchenozzle sites like Agency Spy. But as Mark Wnek, Lowe Chairman and Head Creative honcho, is a mate of mine, is writing the forward to my next book, The Ubiquitous Persuaders, and is an all round nice guy... I'm happy that they just picked up the $20 million, PricewaterhouseCoopers business. And the best news is that they beat out Hughie, Dewey & Louie in the finals. Well done Lowe.

Working with accountants... Let the fun begin!

Google To create HAL... Take over Universe!

As I've said before, Google has plans to conquer and control everything known to man... Disregard that bullshit about "Do no harm!" These fuckers want it all. Six years ago, Sergey Brin told a reporter that the ultimate search engine would be a lot like HAL, the nut job computer with a mind of its own that seized control of the spaceship in "2001: A Space Odyssey." Yesterday at the Singularity Summit in San Jose, an annual conference focused on advances in artificial intelligence, Google announced it is backing a new academic institution that will push for the development of thinking computers like HAL. So, there you have it... We are fucked. Every time you do a Google search, the new HAL will take over your mind and fucking kill you, unless you sign up for AdWords!

I was just surfing for porn!!!