AdScam/The Horror!

Is Kevin Roberts world's most pretentious douchenozzle?

Every once in a while, when I feel like a good laugh, I visit Kevin Robert's unbelievably fucking awful blog. This has to be a classic example of how poseurs think that everyone in the fucking world want's to read the egotistical ramblings of a wanker. The posts are either about rugby, famous people he's close personal friends with, exotic locations he gets to visit - Probably on Saatchi's dime - And films he has seen that you too MUST see. Usually with references to great hotels and restaurants he's flashed his Saatchi, AmEx Black card in. He also recommends books for you. And surprise, fucking surprise... They're all written by him. Oh, and if you are truly a masochist, you can download an agonizingly long, self serving bio of the great man. But be warned, get shitfaced first!

Lovemark that you wanker!!!

Poisoned Dwarf secretly addicted to Guinness?

Did you see that shit in AdWeek yesterday that the Poisoned Dwarf is thinking of moving WPP's headquarters to Ireland to avoid paying UK taxes? A spokes-hack said... "The planned relocation to Ireland comes in response to "possible changes to the U.K.'s taxation of foreign profits," which could result in a significantly higher annual tax bill. Under the proposed changes, profits derived from off-shore operations would likely increase. Well, maybe the little fucker is worried where his next billion is coming from. I guess it also means he'll have to get his Concord out of mothballs as he zooms between his London basement lair and his Dublin tree house. Edw3rd emails me with the important question... Does this mean I'll have to refer to him as the Poisoned Leprechaun in the future?

Maybe he's got a Clown Bike!

Counting pennies in the Poisoned dwarf's empire!

Lower Depths, who is usually a very reliable source of information, makes an interesting point... A possible merger between O&M and one of the other big WPP shops in NY, either JWT or Y&R, which some think might be in order to save the Poisoned Dwarf's empire there and keep the fucking ship afloat... As he says, just gossip but rational gossip for a change... Stranger things have happened! He also mentions about the shitload of money agencies spend on presentations that is non-recoverable, even if you win the account like O&M, and particularly if you lose it like Y&R. Remember when O&M spent millions pitching Wal-Mart, didn't get it, then when Draft/FCB fucked up and lost it within days... O&M spent more millions pitching it again. Further proof BFA's are fucked.  

Buddy, can you spare a dime?

I'm for the "bailout." Can I have my golden parachute now?

OK, it's now 6.25 PM for you wankers in New York. 4.25 PM here in the fascist republic of Idaho... Correction, here in Boise it's pretty liberal, we have gays, lesbians and a few people that don't chew tobacco and "open carry." All the news sites are asking what the fuck happened with the non-bailout, bailout. Further proof that the pundits don't know their arse from their elbow. What happened was that all the fucktard's in Congress finally realized their constituents have finally decided enough is enough and they were not going to bail out the Wall Street wankers who have bought and sold congress for fucking years. Ergo... If you want to get re-elected, unhitch yourself from the gravy train (even if it is only until the shitstorm dies down.) As regards our biz... Did you see what happened to Apple, Amazon, Google and Microsoft? Fucking brutal, particularly Apple, down nearly 20%!!! Where the fuck is Steve "I am God" Jobs next black turtle neck coming from? It's getting fucking ugly out there!

Don't worry. Steve is working on the iEconomy!!!

We are fucked... Time for a drink!

I am writing this at 4.05 EST and the Dow Jones is down over 777 points in one day... Which I think is the biggest drop ever in 24 hours. Checking my five shares of WPP... Yes, I am a shareholder of the Poisoned Dwarfs empire... Long story, which I think I have told before... Do a search for the sordid details... WPP is down something like 35% in the last three months. IPG is down to nearly seven dollars, and barely worth the paper the shares are printed on... Anyway, the point of this piece of erudition is that the ad biz is fucked. Certainly for the next couple of years. In the last two weeks I have heard from a couple of start-ups I am working with that all forms of funding are drying up. No one is spending, everyone is cutting back. This will impact the most, and deservedly, all the fucking BDA's out there, not because of lack of capital, but because clients will start to slash budgets even more than they are already doing. Don't believe me? It's simple, when your balance sheet is getting fucked up the arse, the one guaranteed way you can show an immediate uptick on the bottom line is to slash the ad budget. It's always been that way, it always will be. My advice? Start stocking seeds, hand tools and guns. Time to get drunk!

That just about sums it up!!!

Poisoned Dwarf Fucked... Again!

Sir Martin is at this very moment kicking the shit out of his Clown Dog in his basement lair. Why? 'Cos Ogilvy's big Wachovia win lasted all of 48 hours. As I said in a previous post, this beats the Draft/Wal-Mart "Limp-Dick" record by a substantial margin. It was announced today that Citigroup will buy Wachovia's banking operations (what the fuck is left?) and take over all their retail outlets. You just know there is no fucking way these will carry Wachovia's name... ergo... No fucking advertising. As I've said, I have lots of mates at O&M, so I feel sorry for the buggers. On the other hand, any agency who pitches a financial account during these times, deserves what happens to them. And WPP had two agencies pitching the same account, so instead of spending one dumpster load of cash, they spent two dumpster loads... Fucking stupid!

Poor little fucker!

More shit hits the Draft/FCB fan!!!

Spies tell me that Draft/FCB's much heralded and hyped Chief Marketing and Strategy Officer, Wendy Lurrie is out after less than SIX FUCKING MONTHS in the job!!! Plus the current issue of the Delaney Report says once again that IPG is multo-pissed-off with Howard's lack of interest and involvement in the New York office (which everyone in the New York office is actually grateful for.) The word from IPG is, "He's getting it." Does that mean he's getting laid a lot on his European trips, or he's picking up something nasty on the Promenade des Anglais? Also, according to Delaney, Laurence "muscles" Boschetto continues to be a "lingering problem." Does that mean he hangs out outside the corner gym giving passing hunks the eye. Whatever. That place is more fucked up than a sixpenny watch.

Inspirational poster in the Draft/FCB exective shithouse!

 

Paris Hilton does porn... No, wait, porn does Paris Hilton!

I have to admit that I've never been a big fan of Damien Hirst, you know the British artist that puts dead, rotting sharks in big fish tanks filled with toilet bowl cleaner. His latest masterpiece is a row of stamped out cigarette buts in a fucking frame! I mean yeah, he sells his shit for millions, mostly to Maurice Saatchi, who then turns them around at Christies after a couple of years for fucking zillions. Too bad he couldn't manage the original Saatchi's like that. Still, using the shareholders money to buy more fucking "Rollers" than there are days in the year will do that to you. Anyway, Damien, apparently just spent a shit load of money buying a portrait of Queen Bimbo, Paris Hilton, done by fellow Brit artist, Jonathon Yeo. It's a collage, and the best bit is that it's made out of images torn out of fucking porn magazines! What's not to like about that?

Page 69 is my favorite!

Paul Newman is dead!

What a guy!

The kaiser hearts the poisoned dwarf!!!

My good mate "The Kaiser" sent me a video present the other day... His take on the Poisoned Dwarf in another life. Very fucking funny. Recommended viewing while drinking copious amounts of booze. I have a distinct feeling that Marcus (The Kaiser) was well into his cups when he made it. Don't be a douchenozzle, check it out... Immediately!

Love the fucking hair!!!