AdScam/The Horror!

Enfatico goes "apeshit!"

My good friend "highjive221" has pointed me in the direction of a job listing at Monster.Com... Surprise, surprise... It's for a job at Enfatico. As he points out, it really shows the difficulty this place is having with finding talent. Perhaps the new uber-talent woman is taking the typical approach and posting online. Read the whole thing, 'cos the first bit is particularly interesting, as they offer “a competitive compensation package” (competitive to what?) plus “the opportunity to do great work for terrific clients with a talented team” (first, they only have one client, and they have yet to produce any work for them; second, they don’t have a full team to call talented at this point). Ouch, highjive... Plus, the job description says it all: they need a monkey to run the catalog conveyor belt. Yeah, well in Spain they are about to pass a law saying all monkeys are humans... But, obviously that particular law doesn't cover the Madrid office of Draft/FCB!!!

Standard issue at Draft/FCB, Madrid... Fuck, you can find a teeshirt for everything in the fucking universe!!!

Holy shit... Sexy "C" is back in business!!!

The world's sexiest ad blogger is back in business. Super delicious "C" who was the originator of AgencySpy, and had one of the best sites around, 'til mediabistro well and truly fucked it up, has now started "gimmethebrief." Better get off your arse and get over there pronto, 'cos as expected she is maintaining the high reporting standards and piss and vinegar wit we all loved. And will you all stop asking me to reveal the true identity of "C"... 'Cos if I told you, then I'd have to kill you... And you should always remember the power of "C" and Adscam... Particularly if you live and work in Chicago!

No... Not Sexy "C"... But close!

When is Interpublic going down for the third time?

As my good mate Tanner points out, BDA's are fucking amazing....if not downright hypocritical. As you all well know, over the last month Draft/FCB has laid off 50 or so staffers, 'cos Hughie, Dewey & Louie are fucking up big time so have had to axe the troops, rather than doing the honorable thing and blowing their fucking brains out... So what happens next? IPG  buys a majority stake in Digital Shop Huge, which adds 130 people back on the personnel roster. As Bruce says... "  bet those who were laid off in weeks prior take some solace that their demise was “for the greater good.” Yeah, and we know who's good. Why the fuck IPG CEO Michael Roth keeps his fucking job is beyond me. In fact why any of those fucking douchenozzles continue pulling down the big bucks while sailing the good ship IPG towards the fucking iceberg is a 21sft century, Steven King, mystery!

Michael Roth gets his!!!

The Enfatico Count Down... Thanks to "TribbleAgency!"

My very excellent mate, Roger Wehbe of the TribbleAgency, sometimes known as "Yooter." (check them out under "Tribble Ads in my "non-crap links) has come up with a classic... A real live Enfatico Count Down Clock, which is synchronized with a fucking atomic clock for absolute accuracy. This way, we can all check, and fucking gloat, about how long it takes "The Agency of the Future" to produce its very first ad for their only client. According to the clock, it has already been 242 days, 17 hours, 27 minutes, 23 seconds since Dell did the dirty deal with the Poisoned Dwarf... Even better, the three year contract expires in 853 days, 6 hours, 33 minutes, 42 seconds. Although, by the time you read this, it'll probably be less. Holy fucking shit... Better get your skates on Ken!!!

This is what's coming out of the Poisoned Dwarf's ears right now!

Italian Porn better than "cool" cuil? definitely!!!

I can't believe some of the trade press and assorted pundits are still talking about cuil.com as if it's not a piece of shit. eWeek has a piece headlined "Cuil needs time, users to fight Google." The wanker who writes this piece of shit is obviously receiving many "thick brown envelopes" at selected drop zones, 'cos he goes on about the slowness of the site as being teething pains. To which I answer, don't blow your much heralded launch, if you haven't ironed out the bugs. He then says even though Google returns millions more results, cuil gives better results. That's a piece of fucking shit. As one of my commenter's said yesterday, you'd probably have better luck with the Italian porn site. And as I also said yesterday, if it doesn't return my name or AdScam on a search... It's a piece of stinking shit. Finally, the second part of the headline is moronic. The writer says this... "Remember, folks, this is early days for Cuil. Your feedback will be instrumental in shaping the site in the years to come." Doesn't this clown know that in this day and age, if you fuck up, you don't have years to get it right. Mmm, kinda makes me think of Enfatico!

In Italy porn stars are also politicians. Mmm, just like here!

Is Enfatico turning into boo.com?

On my last Enfatico post there were several good points about the Dell relationship. As "Edw3rd" said "Sir Martin desperately needs a new line of direct reports. But how can he put a 30 something in charge of a billion dollar, multi-continent line when all they've ever managed is a single digital magic 8-ball and they think a visa is what gets them into a b-ball game." That's an excellent point. The problem is, as we both know the Poisoned Dwarf is a very smart little fucker. But at heart he is still a fucking accountant, so it always comes down to numbers. He probably gave away the farm in terms of minimal fees, promises of offices all over the fucking globe, and hordes of staff etc.,  to get the account. After all, that's what Michael does to all his suppliers. And Enfatico will be treated exactly the same way all Dell suppliers are... Make it cheap and fast... So far, the fast part doesn't seem to be working. This reminds me of boo.com... Anyone remember that?  

The Enfatico clock is ticking!

Draft/FCB's Lori Lum gets "Lummed!"

One of my ace Draft/FCB spies tells me that Uber-Witch, Lori Lum was fired from the New York office this week. Lori held the exalted title of Creative Manager and was Chris's Becker's right hand, not to mention, "Hatchet Lady." Word is she was as cold as ice and would cut people's nuts off left and right without a second thought. Lori developed a rather specific firing style. She would take the unfortunate creative downstairs to the HR room. Sit down, look sad and say "you're fired." Then she'd walk out. This led the troops to invent a specific verb for her...  Dude, you're "getting lummed". Ha fucking Ha... Now she's fucking "lummed!" Lori Lum's firing is significant because she was part of the political circle that fucked the New York office in the arse... And no, I'm not talking about "Louie" here. This also means, apropos my recent posts... Chris Becker is fucking toast, if not "lummed!" 

Hey, Chris... You're next!

Campbell Ewald fucked!!!

In the "you heard it here first" column, news today from AdWeek that the Farmers $50 million account is now up for review. I posted on this last week. It's one more nail in the Campbell Ewald coffin lid. After holding the business for 12 years C/E has announced that they will defend the account in the up-coming shoot out. To which you have to ask why? It's fucking toast guys. Save your money and pitch something else. Or buy all the poor fuckers who've worked on it for all those years a gift card at Wall-Mart, or something. But they won't, they'll blow a shitload of money on a futile exercise. No wonder this business is a fucking joke. Show some class guys and tell the client to shove his account up his arse.

Standard issue at BDA's!

cuil.com is definitely not "cool!"

Did you see all the fucking hoopla yesterday about the launch of a new search engine, cuil.com (pronounced "cool' - fuck!) The big deal is that it was started by some ex-googlers who claim that it's vastly superior to Google 'cos it indexes the fucking Universe, or something lame like that. It certainly got a lot of press. But guess what? It totally sucks. I did the obvious thing, I compared it to Google on a couple of searches. Firstly, the ego trip search... My own fucking name... On Google the top three entries are me... What's not to fucking love about that? On cuil I'm down at number nine. But here's the pisser, when I Google AdScam, the top two entries are AdScam followed after a break by several other entries. On cuil AdScam does not get a single entry on 23 pages. It's all about that Canadian government scandal of fucking years ago... Who gives a fuck. By now, probably not even not even the Canadians... Right Jane? And according to the trades, the cuil wankers have already picked up $33 million in funding. Further proof that no one knows fuck all about fuck all. Anyone wanna buy AdScam for a few million? 

Hi... I'm with cuil.com!

Enfatico emphatically promises to emphasize Dell... Soon!!!

My good mate, high jive, pointed me in the direction of today's AdWeek announcement that the Poisoned Dwarf's dedicated in-house agency for the Dell business, Impetigo... Ooops, Enfatico, has skillfully postponed creating its first ad for its one and only client by announcing the hire of a "Chief Talent Officer!" Rumor has it that her first task will be to persuade the creative department to stop doing agency ads featuring heavy construction hardware and get them to do the odd one with some Dell Computer hardware. According to the piece there are 800 employees on board so far, with another 200 to go... So just what the fuck have they been doing for the last eight months? The new CTO, Lisa Fabuloso... Ooops, Fabiano will no doubt have to travel the world checking out Enfatico's 15 offices in such hell holes as New York, Austin, San Francisco, Miami, Toronto, Sao Paulo, London, Copenhagen, Bangladesh, Beijing, Tokyo, Singapore and Sydney. Fuck Bangladesh, but the rest aren't short of five star hotels and hot an cold running hookers. Remember how I used to have a "Julie Clock?" Maybe I should start an "Enfatico Clock." to see how long it is before they come up with a Dell ad!!!

Every Enfatico office has one!