AdScam/The Horror!

Lock and Load... Let's blow the motherfuckers away!

Lots of good comments on my post about Charlton Heston's basement fucking armory... Yeah, I know, as Ralf "The Cartoonist" pointed out, it may be fake...  But what makes a great fake a great fake is... It's believable, 'cos you know he would have loved to have a subterranean chamber full of NRA approved "sporting" shit capable of blowing away anyone who infringed on his Second Amendment rights. Anyway, kudos to Pat Smith for slipping in "Priapism." Which I know I should know... But, I have to confess my linguistic ignorance... So, I looked it up... Guess what the dictionary definition is? "A medical disorder in which there is persistent, often painful erection of the penis in the absence of sexual interest." Ouch, fucking ouch!!! Jesus Pat, how do you know this kind of shit? Also, many thanks to Rich Siegel for the wonderful George Carlin ( My ever loving hero) quote... Go fucking read it!!!

This one's for you George... R.I.P.

Poisoned Dwarf extending Evil Empire!

Seems like the Poisoned Dwarf's evil empire extension is about to take another giant leap toward's world domination. News today that the Diminished One is putting the finishing touches to a $2 billion bid for market research company TNS, which was planning a merger with German rival, Gfk. In his usual style, Sir Martin, is determined to get TNS, and based on his track record, he will rape, pillage and fucking slaughter anyone and anything that gets in his way. The fucking hilarious bit though, is that even he, is getting worried as he considers the implications of the upcoming advertising recession in Europe and the US. The little wanker is also concerned about paying over the odds for TNS. Well, all I can say is, I hope he pays through the arse for it, then the bottom drops out of the ad market (more than likely in the next year or so) and he is stuck with a big festering heap of debt. Nothing personal, of course!

When I burn this German flag, you will applaud. Got it?

Charlton Heston's basement arsenal!!!

My good pal, Tanner sent me some pictures of Charlton Heston's basement. Check this fucker out... He could start World War III with this lot. Probably wanted to as he got older and fucking crazier. Still, like the Supreme Court just said, you have the right to defend yourself in case the Domino Pizza delivery guys goes postal 'cos you only tipped him 50 cents.

Yeah... That's a fucking flame thrower on the right wall!!!

Network TV... Still in the dark ages!

Am I the only one who laughed at the news in yesterday's Variety that the median age of network TV viewers has now reached 50? Why do I think that's funny, 'cos every fucking BDA in Christendom still thinks the sweet spot for their "Frat Boy" efforts is the 18 to 24 demographic... That's right, I'm talking to the Bud Light and Burger King bozos, who continue to inflict juvenile shit on the viewing audience. Farts and burps may work when watching NASCAR, But I don't think it does much for your grandma when she's watching Jay Leno (median audience age is 54.) Still, in spite of their claims to be all over New Media, it's just one more example of the dinosaur mind set of the fucking Adverati. Maybe Draft/FCB could explain it all with their "Wheel!" Fucked if I can!

I love them thar commercials!

Why Bill Green is a fucking prince!

My good mate Bill Green... He of "MakeTheLogoBigger, fame, after reading my last post, sent me this email... And if they DO take it down? I already downloaded it and threw it back up on Blogger for downloading: http://www.blogger.com/video-play.mp4?contentId=907f9657c6214306&type=video%2Fmp4 What a fucking Prince. I just watched it again, what the fuck is it with "Louie's" head? It's like a pea on top of a fucking slab of beef. I know he works out like a bandit on the "Wheel" in his private gym, but doesn't he know if you shave your head, then stick it on top of your "Man-Gravy" shoulders, it makes you look like a douchenozzle?

Fuck Louie, that some "Analytics" you've got there!

Welcome to Draft/FCB... Now blow your brains out!

AdScammer Nina sent me this fucking hilarious video featuring Hughie, Dewey and Louie telling new employees of Draft/FCB exactly what they can look forward to. The three wankers go on and on about how it is a "new kind of agency." Howard talks about "Return on Ideas." Laurence talks about the fucking "Wheel." Wonder if he means the one he racks his "Friends" on in the fucking gym? Jonathan talks about how analytics leads to better creativity... Maybe he should call them "Rumbleytics." As is usual with their pathetic video creations, the words are out of synch with the three douchenozzles lips, which you can hardly hear, 'cos there's a heavy metal music track pounding away throughout. Probably from Howard's personal collection. Anyway, check it out quick. 'Cos based on previous experience, the minute they find out it's on AdScam, they'll take it down. 

Welcome to Draft/FCB... Have a nice day!

Why Steve Jobs is God and Steve Ballmer is a Douchenozzle!

Perhaps one of the best illustrations of how Microsoft differs from Apple is the news that Microsoft is engaged on an "Image  Makeover Plan." According to Fortune Magazine... “A year ago Ballmer okayed the effort, led by Bill Veghte, who is responsible for both Windows and search. He partnered with marketing boss Mich Mathews, then the two recruited an all-star team from across the company - the best experts at branding, packaging, online advertising, and other specialties. The aim of the campaign will be to talk about things you can do with your PC that you could never do before.” Now you know this will mean a giant clusterfuck with everyone trying to outsmart everyone else without actually adding anything to the conversation, 'cos you know damn well, some wanker might steal whatever you came up with and re-generate it as their idea. That's the way big corporations work. At Apple, on the other hand, GodJobs simply locks people in rooms until they come up with insanely great stuff. If they don't, he never lets them out. And they all fucking love him to death. Then he presents this shit at AppleWorld like it's the second coming of Christ, and everyone fucking freaks out and wets themselves with excitement. He may be an evil fucker, but he's a fucking insanely smart evil fucker!

Just try this belt on for size!

The King of Beers fucks the peasants!

So, the King of Beers, Anheuser-Busch has decided to fight the take over bid of In-Bev, the giant Belgian/Brazilian/Klingon brewer of beer... The real stuff, rather than the pathetic shit AB puts out. Remember how when this possibility first raised it's ugly head, everyone in St. Louis freaked out, 'cos it would cost workers their jobs when the cheese eating, European puffta's came in and took over. Well not to worry, August Busch the XXVVII, or whatever the fuck he is, has a plan to save the company, he's going to cut $1.0 billion in costs... And do I have to tell you how he's going to do that? Dead right... He's going to lay off a shit load of workers... That'll show those European wankers who's fucking boss. Jesus, the Anheuser-Busch workers must be fucking thrilled to death with that. Needless to say August-Busch the XXVVII, will not be laying himself off... Always remember... Stay thirsty my friends.

These are my workers... I treat them with the respect they deserve!

The begining of the end of advertising as we know it!!!

I'm beginning to get the feeling that we are about to go over the edge of a cliff. The economy in general... And the ad biz in particular. According to MarketWatch, as of ten minutes ago, the Dow Industrial Average is on track for a 10% monthly drop... Which is the worst since June 1930... Which was the beginning of the Great Depression. Even I'm not old enough to remember that. But from everything I've ever read... IT WAS A FUCKING DISASTER! And never forget this... When the economy tanks... And in spite of everything Washington, Wall Street, and all the fucking douchenozzles responsible for what this country laughingly calls "The Media," might say, the economy has already tanked. And that's when advertisers start pulling the plug on their agencies. They either slash budgets. Or just fucking kill them. Either way, it's going to be brutal. Not a good time to be looking for work in the most fucked up business in the world.

Welcome to Madison Avenue!!!

Yahoo... Jerry speaks... A lot!

Quick follow up to my "Yahoo... Jerry Yang is a douchenozzle" post earlier. It would seem that Jerry put out a letter to Yahoo shareholders yesterday spelling out how he is a fucking genius and Carl Icahn is the fucking Anti-Christ. He goes on and on for thirteen hundred fucking words about his plans for the company. But as usual... There's no "There - There!" Same old corporate speak these wankers love to use. Near the end, he says... "Your Current Board of Directors Has the Knowledge, Experience and Commitment to Best Represent Your Interests and Maximize Stockholder Value." Well, what a surprise they would say that. How many companies have you worked for were the Board of Directors are interested in one thing, and one thing alone... Themselves!

One or two lumps, Jerry?