AdScam/The Horror!

Google kicks the shit out of Microsoft... Again!

It isn't exactly rocket science to figure out why Google is kicking the shit out of everyone else out there. Take, for instance, the news yesterday that Microsoft's priorities for Live Search, a distant third and slipping further behind Google and Yahoo, were laid out clearly earlier this week, and they boil down to a classic e-mail subject line: Make fucking money, and make it fucking fast. That means dump all the esoteric shit and focus on the potential profits of commercial search (otherwise known as shop 'til you fucking drop!) Or, pulling in the sucker shopoholics with shit like "Live Search Cashback" Attention, Microsoft searchers, look for hot footwear bargains under the flashing blue icon. It also means the end of the line for more public-spirited projects that don't pay like Live Search Books and Live Search Academic. "Cos Bill may be a fucking philanthropist... But, he's still a businessman. Consequently, Microsoft announced that both sites would be taken down and all scanning, digitizing and indexing of books and scholarly publications would end. According to Senior VP Satya Nadella, the two programs didn't qualify as having "high commercial intent," Hey Satya... Just say it... We can't make fucking millions, so we're dumping it!

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Now standard on Microsoft keyboards!

Inside info on CP+B!

Had several follow up emails in addition to the comments on my CP+B/Nike post of yesterday. A couple were from ex CPB employee's, one of which, who in my policy of not naming people kind enough to feed me the juicy bits, shall remain anonymous, says... "Having left the same way Nike did uhhemmm, under " a mutual decision to go separate ways" my reasons for leaving are pretty much how you've written it. There are a bunch of us out there who did not have a great time at CP+B, and yes the news circulated yesterday. I was waiting on the edge of my seat for confirmation. Meow." You know, in the early days, CP+B did some good stuff. Now it seems to me they are just throwing fucking shit against the wall to see what sticks. I can't think of a fucking new campaign they've done in the last couple of years that doesn't fucking suck. Perhaps they're living proof of Jay Chiat's immortal line... "I can't wait to see how big we get, before we get bad!"  You can say that again!

CP+B Employee patch!

          

The Most Interesting Ad Blog updates the Most Interesting Man!

Update on the Dos Equis "Most Interesting Man in the World" campaign, which apparently all the troops that worked on it call the "MIM"... Had an email from one of them (who shall remain anonymous) that points out, since speculation swirls via some of the comments left on the post, 1) the MIM campaign predated Old Spice and 2) no one on the account drew inspiration from Arrow, Schweppes, Wolfschmidt, Chuck Norris—though we’re students of his work—or “Kill Bill.” but I love that someone would bother to parse it, or go to the trouble of putting quotation marks around the word idea. That’s, like, two whole extra keyboard strokes." I'm with the Dos Equis guys... There's fuck all original in the ad biz... Everything's been done before, the trick is to do it better and make it relevant to the client. Anyway, we ad geezers don't rip things off... We do a fucking "Homage." It sounds so much better in French.

 

I love this fucking campaign! Stay thirsty, my friend!

Nike nixes CP+B!!!

As you always hear the hot and juicy stuff here (news, that is, not hot and juicy sex shit from Wisey and Jane) One of my many talented spies around the world informs me that the "frat boys" at CP+B just lost their piece of Nike. (It wasn't there that long, was it?) Seems that the folks at Beaverton were none too happy with the CP+B Boulder outpost. Maybe the dudes spent too much time boarding and biking and not enough time doing Weiden quality work. On the other hand they may have decided to do really fucking funny dude shit with the two zombies... Burt and Orville. Or maybe the mad German scientist from VW. Or putting Nikes on the King and the Chicken... Who knows what you can come up with when you wear your baseball cap backwards, high five everyone in the rec room and blow lite beer out of your fucking nostrils while setting fire to your farts. Fucking awesome dude. Anyway... It's over... You heard it here first!!!

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CP+B's New Biz guy hits the road!

Dearjanesample... Branding sex, one logo at a time!

Ace blogger, dearjanesample, has a very clever post on May 19th about her Brand-Timeline Portrait. I won't explain it, 'cos you have to see it to appreciate it, so get your arse over there. Here's part of a comment I left on the site...

This is fucking brilliant… Two questions though…
1: In eleven short minutes, at 8.00 AM, you certainly put a ton of shit on your body, is this what makes you so desirable!
2: Stop avoiding the fucking question… What the hell do you do with HALF A CONDOM?

Check it out... Very clever indeed.

No wonder you only need half!

Boob-alicious!

Clever Sheila, Wisey over at thedigestif has come up with the perfect gift for Steve Hall and I...

Yeah... She certainly hit that nail on the fucking head. I want one that I can use on flights when you're sat next to some arsehole that bores the shit out of you. Better yet if it's a woman who looks at you as if you're some kind of scumbag... Just 'cos you're on your twelfth gin & tonic. Nice one Wisey!

What's not to like?

 

Ford gets dumber daily!

I do go on a bit about how fucked up BDA's are, but I have to admit the auto guys are even more fucked up. Funny to read that Ford's grand plans for profits in 2009 came to an end today, sending the automaker's shares down nearly 8% as plunging demand for trucks and SUVs have combined with rising fuel and steel costs to destroy the bottom line. So, the company announced that it would start cutting down on the production of big trucks and SUV's... Hello... Start cutting down. It's a bit fucking late for that. Particularly as only last night I saw a TV spot for their F150 trucks featuring a bunch of "Macho Men" actors pretending to be lumberjacks and shit, while they went on and on about how they loved their F150 'cos it was huge and had a monstrous engine. One guy even described it as a "Beast." His actress wife probably takes the kids to school in a "Hummer!" The trouble with the American auto business is it can't see the train coming 'till it gets fucking run over!

Yeah... It's not a truck, but it's still fucked!

Facebook's Facelift Fuck Up!

Funny to read that Facebook is getting a face lift. In its ongoing attempt not to turn into MySpace, Zuckerberg has decided that something has to be done about the never ending proliferation of dumbass "Applications" the site is being buried in. Not to mention stupid photos, quizzes and other shit that users seem to think will be of interest to other numbskulls that have nothing better to do all day and night than post inanities on their respect walls. What the fuck is wrong with these people. I wonder when was the last time they read a book, let alone a fucking newspaper... Yeah, I know, that's info 1.0, and in today's digital age we have progressed to the "virtual" experience, which is part of the reason most high school students can't find the nations capitol on a map. Perhaps it's best summed up by Facebook's plans to open a "sandbox" where programmers can experiment with how things will work at the redesigned site. So, what's next Mark, fucking face painting? Although, I'll fucking bet there's already something like that in the twenty odd thousand "applications" already on this rapidly suppurating so called social network! 

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Now that's what I call a facelift!

Finally, a beer campaign that doesn't suck!

As loyal readers know, I rarely comment on ads, I prefer to save my vitriolic comments for the current state of the ad biz. However, I was pleased to note the current campaign for Dos Equis beer, featuring my hero ('cos he looks a bit like me!!!)... "The most interesting man in the world." Who shares his distinctive thoughts on topics ranging from cologne, rollerblading, grooming and tanning beds. In my favorite spot he describes his feelings for rollerblading in one word: "NO." Which is fucking classic... Watch the ad here. The next plays like a bio: He's good at Snooker, is a lover and not a fighter, unless need be, and prefers Dos Equis when drinking beer. See the ad here. "Tanning Bed" means traveling to the South of France for color in the world of the interesting man. Judging by his appearance, he practices what he preaches. Watch the ad here. Best of all though, is the tag line... "Stay thirsty, my friends!" I mean what the fuck is not to like about that? Euro RSCG New York created the campaign and the entire creative staff of CP+B should be locked in a dungeon for a couple of years and made to watch that "Man Laws" shit they did for Miller Lite, which isn't really a fucking beer anyway, until their ears bleed. Then, before they are fed their gruel, they get to watch the Dos Equis stuff.

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Fucking great!!!

Further proof that people in advertising are fucking morons!

My good mate and drinking buddy, Cathy Taylor, over at Adverganza, has a great post about a bunch of cretins who've come up with the best name for "Yet another - Yawn - Breakthrough Agency." It's called... Are you ready for this... Agency 3.0! Holy fucking shit, what is wrong with these people? As Cathy points out, it's not as bad as "Synarchy," and it apparently has no connection to Nazis... But it's still fucking stupid. As usual, it claims to be different, 'cos it combines creativity - experience - implementing - monetizing - technology - digital - colon flushing - losing twenty pounds with green tea - And just about everything else in the Universe we have heard about a million fucking times. As Cathy points out, the only thing it lacks is one part bullshit. Sounds to me like the whole thing is fucking bullshit! As Cathy also points out, the CEO they've hired to run this wankfest is a guy who put his last company into bankruptcy... Sounds like he's perfect for the job.

Here's a picture of Agency 3.0 Corporate headquarters.