AdScam/The Horror!

Sailing the Stix to Hell... Standing by Tom!!!

OK... Quick question... What could possibly be the worst account in the world to work on, apart from a light beer account at CP+B? Yes. you're right... A fucking dumbass, cruise line!!! So, kudos to Havas, Arnold, Douchenozzle, worldwide for picking up the world's wankiest account... Carnival... Otherwise known as "Nightmare Cruises!" Yes, all cruise line accounts are bad... But, Carnival, is the ultimate "I would rather blow my brains out with a blunt pitchfork" to avoid working on that account. So, what can we look forward to next? Kathy Lee Gifford with her zombiesque husband, Frank... Pardon me while I comb the excess skin over my scalp, dude. Doing the hokie-pockie up and down the promenade deck? What the fuck do I know... It's kind of a funny sight, though!

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Wow... Deep shit kinda question... I'll get back yo you on that!

Ogilvy fucked again... Why are we not surprised?

Just had a great email from one of my inside spies at "Red Carpet Central" New York (O&M.) You have to love this shit... As he/she points out, did anyone ever wonder why everything out of Ogilvy looks like an IBM campaign?  As my informant points out , no one wants to tell him -- let's just say his sizable ego doesn't take criticism well -- but if "The Poisoned Giant," doesn't stop forcing every CD to use the world's richest douchenozzle, failed feature director... i.e. The late, great, Joe Pitka, to shoot everything O&M ever gets to insert up the anus of the TV arena! In the words of my "Deep Throat" he may see a mass exodus of everyone, including senior mgmt, because they are fed up with this patently self serving attitude towards a rapidly failing business model. Yeah, I know I've said this before, but mark my words. IBM and O&M are toast. Just keep checking in, 'cos, I'll have the latest.

Yeah... I remember Joe Pitka. He wanted Michael Jordon to squeeze my Charmin. I went with Bugs Bunny!!!

AdRants/Steve Hall win the "Golden Tit" Award! Congrats Steve!

As usual, my mate Steve Hall, over at AdRants, has come up with the goods (Lots of Tits & Arse). Nice one Steve. He has a post about a Burger King promotion in the UK, Football Your Way with a video that has lots of big breasted and tight arsed "birds" booting footballs (real footballs, the round ones) around with lots of tight camera work of their bouncy boobs and wet shirts and things. Definitely worth watching if you're a horny old sod like me. Bit of a shocking ending though. Anyway, here's the question... Does CP+B do Burger King in the UK... It certainly lives up to their standards of fucking juvenile, frat boy humor. But as their were no zombies in it, maybe not!

Just Google Steve Hall and see what you get!

Proof that Michelle Malkin & Meghan McCain are terrorists!!!

Quick follow up to the Dunkin Donuts/Rachael Ray is a fucking terrorist according to certified maniac, Michelle Malkin... Here's a picture of the stupid woman... And just what the fuck is that behind her, draped over the fucking chair. Jesus Christ it's a Keffiyeh!!!

And look who's actually wearing one... That's right, Meghan McCain, writer of one of the world's dumbest blogs and the daughter of John - Let's bomb the shit out of everyone - McCain.

And here, she's even conned her billionaire mother into making terrorist bomb pillows. Just what the fuck is going on here?

Fucking with Fox!

As I said in my last post, the comments are getting better and better (eat your heart out agency Spy!) The ones on my "Why Fox News is for Cretins" are fucking hilarious. I even got one from Donald Rumsfeld... Do you think it's the real one? Or maybe that King person trying to get me in trouble... Either way, a "Custard Yellow Alert" is fucking priceless. Dabitch has a great post with Rachel Ray wearing an Osama beard!!! Not to mention Matt Damon! Check it out. Funny as shit. Murph has a point about TV chefs... It is part of some kind of conspiracy to take over the fucking world, apart from the eighty percent of Americans who thing "The Whopper" is a gourmet dish. Lots of other good shit. Read it. Stay thirsty, etc, etc.

Nothing to do with the post... It's for Wisey!

What makes AdScam worthwhile... No, it's not fucking money!

Maintaining a blog (and I do three) is a lot of work, particularly if you believe, as I do, that you should make it relevant, interesting, representing a different, if personal, point of view. And most importantly, a blog should be current, which means updating it several times a day. But times like today, make it all worthwhile... I'm talking about reading the comments on my last two posts "Name Confusion Alert." and "Why Fox News is for Cretins." They are all without a doubt, clever, insightful, erudite and just plain fucking funny. I particularly agree with Auntie Christ's take on the always wonderful Tom Messner... "Tom, please stop proving how delightfully intelligent you are. You make the rest of us look bad." Also GI, Wisey, Pop, AgencyBS, Dabitch (who has the best fucking ad site in the universe) And my good mate "The Cartoonist" who I have to reassure, is still himself, although the next time I'm in London and we do a few pints, he may become me... Or vice versa.  Stand by for a follow up post to the Fox News Fuck up. Again, many thanks.

Stay thirsty, my friends.

Name confusion alert!!!

Someone by the name of King Thomas Joyce comments regularly on AdScam... And as the comments are usually well worth reading, I appreciate them. However, I was contacted by someone with a remarkably similar name, who is pissed off, 'cos they don't want AdScam readers thinking it's them posting and they requested I delete these comments. As you all know, I do not censure comments on this blog. You can tell me I'm full of shit, or a wanker, or whatever. So this puts me a bit of a quandry. I will not delete ANY comments. If the commenter wishes to add a suffix or prefix to identify them as a regular reader, that would be fine and would solve everything. If not, that's fine too. So, one or the other of these people is going to be pissed at me. But hey, that's the story of my life. And after all... It's my blog.

What can I say?

Why Fox News is for cretins!

As further proof that America is becoming increasingly fucked up... News today that a Dunkin' Donuts commercial featuring TV chef Rachael Ray has been ditched after critics accused her of dressing like a terrorist in the ad. Apparently Ray, appears in the commercial wearing a black-and-white scarf, alleged to be symbolic of a keffiyeh, a traditional headdress worn by Arab men. And guess who called everyone's attention to this fact? That's right... Fox fucking news... Their columnist Michelle Malkin explained to the cretins who watch that pathetic piece of shit... "The garment " ...has come to symbolize murderous Palestinian jihad. Popularized by Yasser Arafat and a regular adornment of Muslim terrorists appearing in beheading and hostage-taking videos. The apparel has been mainstreamed by both ignorant and not-so-ignorant fashion designers, celebrities, and left-wing icons." Oh fucking please, what the fuck is wrong with these people. Remember during last years California fires, a Fox bimbo suggested they may have been set by Arab terrorists, an idea based on absolutely no evidence. But, as you can expect, Dunkin Donuts has pulled the ad. Shit, I would have told Fox to go fuck themselves. Let's grow some balls people.

Hey Rachel, before you blow up that fucking building, can you whip me up some donuts?

Why venture capitalists are douchenozzles!

I had to laugh when I read the AdWeek interview with Mark Kvamme, in which he gives advice to ad agencies on how to acquire "Tech Cred!" Although currently a "Vulture Capitalist" with the Sequoia Group, I knew him when he was one of the founders of a long forgotten Silicon Valley ad agency, CKS and Partners, founded by three ex-Apple wankers who thought they would take the ad world by storm... And they did, eventually going public and merging with USWeb in 1998 for a market capitalization of $728 million. Then they bought a management consulting group for $300 million and renamed themselves "MarchFirst." Then the dot com bubble burst and in 2001 they filed for bankruptcy and went into liquidation. And this is the guy with the balls to give advice to agencies on how to succeed in the tech revolution. He's also the guy that claimed to be the international Marketing Director for the Apple IIc. The problem with that is if you look at his date of birth and check it against his resume, he was about fucking 18 at the time.

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Fucking right!

"AgencySpy" nixes AgencySpy!

One of the more beautiful women in the ad biz... "C," formally known as "AgencySpy." (Not the site... The person) has written her last post. Check it out... Nicely done. Obviously, she can't say anything about how fucked up the site is when it comes to commenting etc. Loved the single comment on there from some poor guy who went to all the trouble of registering, to more or less say he wouldn't be reading the site any more... Fucking funny. Anyway, she has lots of other irons in the fire. Particularly this Fifth Column things, which sounds right up my street. Stay thirsty, my friends... She'll be back, but not on MediaBistro!

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"C" in training!