AdScam/The Horror!

Where the fuck is Julie Roehm when you need her?

Has anyone else noticed all the bullshit flying around recently about the potential threat from terrorists in cyberspace. So-called "Security Specialists," You know, the wankers that appear on the world's worst news network (Fox - Fair and Fucked Up) with fucking flags everywhere, have been expressing concern about the potential for mischief with Web 2.0. During the last six months we've been bombarded stupid with newspaper articles citing security experts about the alleged danger that terrorists will use virtual worlds for nefarious purposes. Groups such as the U.S. government's Intelligence Advanced Research Projects Activity say they fear that terrorists -- using "avatars" -- Probably with big knockers and juicy bums, will recruit new members online, transfer funds in ways that cannot be traced, and engage in training exercises that mimic real-world terrorist operations. I think they should bring in a Web 2.0 Rock-Star fucking genius... Yes... It's time for Julies rehabilitation... I can see it now... Agent 002 Roehm. Drinking Effen - Effen martinis. With a license to NoBu. C'mon Julie... Your country needs you. 

I don't take shit from avatars... Just Howard!

It's toast... I'm toast... We're all fucking toast!!!

OK... I said I wasn't going to post anymore today... But you wankers have driven me to it... So, here goes.

Studio... GodJobs didn't invent anything, he stole it all from Xerox PARC. That includes the mouse, the GUI and Scaleable type. If you don't believe me, read "Fumbling The Future." An amazing story of how Xerox fucked up big time, because the wankers at corporate headquarters wanted to suck the copy machine teat 'til it was fucking bone dry... Uber-Wankers! Oh... And don't you dare buy this gnarly old tome, unless you piggy back it with the amazing "MadScam." 'Cos if you don't, I can make you fly!!! Be careful here!!!

Insideout... While SteveO is God... Clapton is the Devil. Which, if you are a Mormon, means they were brothers!!!

Kaza... You put a Mac on Phil's desk? Hope you didn't stub out his cigarette. I actually have retained my first Mac Classic... Which I now use as a fucking doorstop...

Pop... What was that subject again??? But, anyway, I am a totally, street cred, cool dude. I also have the world's biggest influence on the mind melding of susceptible people in this biz who actually believe you can have that amount of influence on people... As you and I both know... You can spend fucking millions and never convince the great unwashed to buy sub-standard shit from you... So, the very idea that you can write a hundred words or so and convince someone they should do something so unbelievably awful as do what happened at the end of last week is giving people like you and I far too much credit for our capabilities...

Anyway, I am sick of this. It's over!!

Cheers/George

William F. Buckley. Yes, right wing icon... But still my hero.

Readers of this screed will have gathered the fact that I am slightly to the left of my all time hero, George Orwell. But having said that, I have always been a great admirer of William F. Buckley, arch conservative, who just died while working on his next column. I always loved the way he could eviscerate his opponents, not just on TV, but also in his writing. Don't get me wrong here, I rarely agreed with what he was saying, but I loved the way he said it. He was notorious for the use of big words, but when questioned on it Buckley said that his preference for unusual words was like the jazz pianist's preference for unusual notes (in his example, a C augmented 11th chord with a raised 9th.") In other words, big words helped Buckley put on a kind of performance: Or as he so succinctly put it... "Just as the discriminating ear greets gladly the C augmented 11th when just the right harmonic moment has come for it, so the fastidious eye encounters happily the word that says exactly what the writer wished not only said but conveyed, the writer here defined as a performing writer sensitive to cadence, variety, marksmanship, accent, nuance and drama. What of the reader who misses the refinement? Well, what of the listener deaf to the special reach of the C augmented 11th?" Buckley also had this advice for those of us who couldn't puzzle out his words: Look them up. I love that... R.I.P Bill Buckley... And please note, I haven't sworn once through this entire post... But starting tomorrow, I'm sure I will.

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Irrespective of his views, you'd have to be brain dead not to enjoy his every word!

From the proud state of Idaho!

In the "You can't make this fucking shit up category" news this week that my local Senator, Larry Craig, the hypocrite caught attempting "Naughties" in an airport men's room, is looking to hire some Summer interns! As he says in the announcement... ”Interns have the chance to be an essential part of a working congressional office. They participate in the legislative process as well as ensure that constituent services run smoothly. For those interested in politics, it is an incredible opportunity to get a behind-the-scenes look at how our government functions while serving the people of Idaho. Interns are paired with staff members based on experience and interests, in order to best utilize their talents. They are also expected to fulfill some administrative duties such as answering phones, sorting mail and greeting constituents." Did he say "Experience and interests" Wonder what he has in mind? Why doesn't this fucker just crawl under a rock and disappear?

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You also get a key to the "Executive Washroom!"

Posh Spice & Macs... The Connection!!!

Interesting article in one of the world's more boring publications, CIO magazine, about why Macs are "Getting more love" in the educational arena. Four reasons are given and apart the usual bullshit about how Apple has always courted the educational market, the most interesting one given was the success of the Mac V PC ads. Which I agree is a pretty damn good campaign. But that's primarily because Mac user are bigoted fucking snobs... Especially if they're snot nosed Art Directors, male or female, because they're all fucking wankers who think GodJobs walks on water. Get real guys, get a real computer, one that looks like the gear box of a big fucking diesel truck. Not some pink, see-through shiny thing that looks like Posh Spice's fucking make up box. Besides which, everyone I know who works on a Mac calls me "Dude" and says everything is "Cool!" And you all know I hate that. And you also know not to piss me off!

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And that goes for you too, Steve!

Read this in tomorrow's New York Post!

As you all know, I am not the one to keep bad news away from you... If there's shit out there, I let you know, and I don't fucking hide behind some pseudonym like "Ad Wanker" or "BDA/MBA." So, for your own good, I have to tell you that in 7.6 billion years we will all be toast, literally. 'Cos that's when the sun swallows the earth. But, you won't have stick around that long to see the shit hit the fan, we'll actually be long gone before the big fireworks display. After a billion years or so you've got an Earth with no atmosphere, no water and a surface temperature that'll fry eggs. The Earth will become a giant fucking desert and it will be completely impossible for life of any kind to exist. I fully expect to read about this in tomorrows New York Post, under a headline that says, "Blogger Destroys Earth!" Don't forget... You heard it hear first.

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How the fuck am I supposed to drink a beer and have a pee with this shit on?

Microsoft kicks McCann in the arse!

OK... So you all know I've posted in the past on the immanent demise of both the Intel and Microsoft accounts from McCann, San Francisco (Yeah I know some of the work originates in NYC, but the accounts are handled out of SF, primarily by a bunch of ex O&M'ers) The first big crack in the dyke came today with the news that Microsoft has awarded a $300 million project to Crispin... That's right, a $300 million "Project!" Fuck there aren't many accounts that big. Plus, as MS spent a total of $325 million last year, does that mean McCann is left with a $25 million account? As you know, I am not a fan of a lot of CPB's later frat boy humor stuff, but Jesus, they must do better than most of the shit McCann has dumped on the public in the last few years. Remember the fucking "Butterfly Guy," and the asinine monster shit they're still running? Before the year is out, the entire account will be history, and I'll guarantee Intel won't be far behind. I've worked on both accounts in the past, and yeah, they're difficult clients... , But at Chiat and O&M, we did better work, you just have to have the balls to sell it. If you don't believe me, check out the work Goodby, Silverstein does for HP!

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So what's next "Subservient Butterfly?"

Good coffee... It keeps you up all night!

Firstly, thanks for all the nice comments my loyal readers have posted in support of the recent situation I have sworn not to post about... So, I won't. However, I sincerely appreciate it. Moving on... Studio Maven reminds me that today, fucking Starbucks shut down all its 7,100 stores to enable all its coffee pourer's... Ooops, sorry BARISTAS! to take a refresher course on how to pour fucking coffee, at like six dollars a pop... I mean c'mon, is this the biggest fucking scam in the world... After Second Life, that is? It's fucking coffee, for Christ's sake. I also love the way Starbuck's describes it as, "The Customers Coffee Experience!" No you fucking douchenozzles, it's just a cup of coffee. Get over yourselves. When the economy tanks, which it will, you'll be lucky to get a fucking quarter for a cup of joe!  Read Studio's comment on my last Stephen Hawking in space post... Particularly the bit about the correct usage of steamer wands. Classic!

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Bitchin' coffee Julie!!!

More bad taste shit!

As my pathetic reputation is seemingly now in tatters, which incidentally, I don't give a fuck about, I thought I would share with you something my good friend Ralf - The Cartoonist - had on his site recently. Seems like there was some kind of Lego contest - I know, there's always a fucking Lego contest! But this one had some weird shit in it. This is my favorite... "Stephen Hawking floating in space!" Standing by for the hate mail!

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Hey, it's my blog!

And now, for a change of pace... Hitler!

Just to shift gear here... Did you see the recent news that Adolph Hitler used to draw Disney cartoons? Apparently, William Hakvaag, the director of a war museum in northern Norway, said he found the drawings hidden in a painting signed "A. Hitler" that he bought at an auction in Germany. He found colored cartoons of the characters Bashful and Doc from the 1937 Disney film Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, which were signed A.H., and an unsigned sketch of Pinocchio as he appeared in the 1940 Disney film. No, you can't make this shit up. The little fucker even had a copy of the film, Snow White, and thought it was one of the best movies ever made. Just for the record, did you know that Hitler's last recorded words were... "Next time around, no more Mr. Nice Guy!"

Fuck, he draws better than most of the AD's I've worked with!