AdScam/The Horror!

Give that dog a beer!

After AdWeek, the most useless place to get your advertising info is in the Stuart Elliott ad column in the New York Times... Yeah, I know I've hammered him and his team before, but today's column about the new Celestial Seasonings tea campaign is another perfect example of people who've never been in advertising demonstrating through their writing, why they don't get it. First, why is he writing about a $3million regional campaign in one of the countries biggest newspapers? Seems like the campaign promotes the product as "green!" Yawn. And its diet benefits! Yawn, double fucking yawn! That'll push sales through the roof. He also mentions that for the last few years all the ads were produced in house, but now they have some dinky design group in Boulder. You know the kind of place, where they all bring their mangy fucking dogs to the office, and all the dogs wear bandanas! What he doesn't mention is that anyone who's ever worked on the West Coast has worked on Celestial Seasonings. It used to change shops every six weeks and everyone lost money. I expect the dogs in Boulder will soon be getting their chow severely rationed. Arrff!

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Check out the bandana. Yeah, there's a fucking brewery in Boulder that gives out dog bandanas!

Catharine Taylor kicks ASS!!!

Catharine Taylor of Adverganza has a brilliant post today about the shit that hit the fan at AdWeek last week. I posted about it in my usual foul mouthed manner, but Catharine really puts the fucking boot in, based on her time with the publication and the frustration she feels with the way it's been fucked up in the last few years. Read all the details on her post, I will merely add a couple of extra points based on my own experience. For ten years, I wrote a monthly column for an AdWeek publication that was originally called "Marketing Computers." This then transmogrified (what a great word!) into "Technology Marketing." This was then folded into "BrandWeek." My spies on the New York agency scene tell me this is about to fold into whatever the fuck they have left. I would assume the entire enterprise (if you can call it that) will eventually become digital and will continue to bleed money until Nielson takes it behind the woodshed and shoots the poor fucker in the head. Loved the Catharine bit about the BBDO wankers quote. Does this mean the Star Fucking Agency of the 20th Century will no longer have anyone to shill their neolithic work? Funny, when I first got into the business everyone in New York couldn't wait for the next issue of AdWeek. Adage was a parochial joke out of Chicago. Now, thanks to about to depart Scott Donaton, Jonah Bloom and Ken Wheaton, AdAge is the best Ad Mag on the fucking planet. Great content with real attitude. My money says AdWeek will no longer exist in two years. Digital, virtual or fucking ethereal!

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Catharine certainly does!

Second best book in the world, after "MadScam!"

In a comment to my post of November 18th about the comments of David Jones, CEO of EuroRSCG, "nitpicker" reminds "Tom Messner," who I would assume already knows, that the principals at the former RSCG shop were Bernard Roux, Jacques Séguéla, Alain Cayzac and Jean-Michel Goudard. Reminds me of the best title yet for an ad book... Written by Jacques Séguéla in the eighties, you can see the cover below... For all you ignorant fuckers who can't read French, the English translation is... "Please don't tell my mother I work in advertising. Tell her I play the piano in a brothel!" Fucking perfect!

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Perfect!

More on "Purple Nuts," and Logos!

Couple of good comments on my last two posts I should address. As far as the London Olympic Logo is concerned. I was there at the PSFK Conference when it was unveiled. Just about everyone in Britain went apeshit it was so fucking bad. As usual those defending it argued that it must be good, 'cos it cost a fucking fortune! I was reminded that the Nike "Swoosh" was done by some poor fucker in a Portland design studio about twenty years ago... And he got $20. Typical. As for those three inch thick guideline books, does anyone ever actually refer to them, apart from checking the Pantone number for the logo? As for working 'til your nuts drop off. I had to laugh at LD's reference to Matt Ross saying you shouldn't have to work after five. With the current shoot-out for the Microsoft biz, you know everyone at Matt's "Life after O&M' shop... McCann, is working every fucking hour of the day and night trying to save that one. And if they lose it... I'll lay money, Intel will follow.... Still, I guess that would make the stupid fucking analyst woman at Bear Stearns rate them as a five star buy!

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I get $20 million, just for showing up!

There's work, more work and BDA's... But basically, they are all the same.

AdPulp has a post I just discovered from November 2nd... Yeah, My excuse is I've been in a New York, Ottawa, alcohol induced comma since then... But, hey, It's not my fault, (when was it ever?) The post was about my second favorite agency after Draft/FCB... Which would obviously be CP+B... It seems like Mr. Lazare of the Chicago Sun Times, who I think actually think has a lower opinion of Julie "Rock Star, Change Agent" Roehm than me... Reckons everyone who works there has this kind of "Applesque" pride in working ' till their nuts turn purple. But, even better, there was a great comment from David Burn... "Seriously, how can one do great work if one never leaves work?" Fucking kudos David... I shall use that in future and claim it as my own... Which I want you to consider as the sincerest form of flattery. Or, if you prefer... An homage. All I'm saying is don't work 'Till your nuts turn purple. no one ever appreciates it, On top of that, it's fucking painfull. Cheers.... Oh, I have no idea why this is all underlined!

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Are they blue yet?

What's in a name?

Jonah Bloom over at AdAge has an interesting piece this week about the relevance, or otherwise, of brand and agency names. Personally, I think there's been more crap spoken about this than almost anything else we pretend to do in this fucked up business. It really doesn't matter what you call stuff, as long as you spend a shitload of money behind it. Can you image someone saying to a client, you have these wonderful frozen foods that we will promote as being fresh, nourishing, tasty, etc. And, we're going to call them "Birds Eye!" Is there anything you would be less likely to put in your pie hole than a fucking bird's eye? Tom Messner has an interesting take on the whole situation he posted as a comment on my post of November 18th about the IDEA Conference. Well worth a read. On a final note, years ago when I made a lot of money freelancing on Xerox for Y&R, they paid Landor millions of fucking dollars to re-brand them. For years they were known as "Xerox - The Document Company." After many months and dumpster loads of money, Landor presented the new Xerox... From now on they would be known as... "The Document Company - Xerox." Fucking brilliant. I wish I could get away with shit like that!

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Particularly if you have an MBA!

Proof financial analysts are fucking stupid!

Anyone with half a brain knows that investing your money in ad agency shares is, next to shoving your head in a wood chipper, one of the world's dumbest fucking pastimes. So, I was highly amused to see the recent post on AgencySpy about it. Apparently, Bear Stearns analyst Alexia S. Quadrani has placed “Outperform” ratings on Omnicom, Interpublic and WPP Group. Oh fucking wow... Here's the comment I left... "The Bear Stearns woman must be dumber than a fucking piss-pot if the rates IPG as "Outperform." But it only goes to prove that financial analysts are scumbags who know nothing." Maybe fucking Howard and Michael Dufus Roth are noshing her at NoBu and sending her many, many cases of Effen-Fucking-Effen!!!

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She probably rated this as "outperform!"

AdWeek lays a stinky one!!!

I just got back from Ottawa... Had a great time with great people... The Gordon Group... And will post more about that later... I just wanted to comment a little bit more on the news of earlier in the week that AdWeek was going to publish a hard copy every two weeks from now on. These douchenozzles tried to put the spin on that as the world was going digital, so were they... What a load of shit. Listen to this pathetic statement... Sabrina Crow, SVP of Nielsen Business Media, said, "Today, AdWeek is focused not on the antiquated idea of a weekly-only model, but on the minute-by-minute schedule that our audience desires. While our magazine continues to be an essential element of this iconic, multi-platform brand, we are moving with our audience by relaunching AdWeek.com to maximize the value we provide our community—delivering the most robust content in the industry 24/7 replete with exclusive Nielsen data. In addition, we will publish 36 print issues next year, beginning in the first quarter of 2008, and continue to engage the community through our events and forums." Oh please Sabrina, why can't you just say AdAge is kicking your arse and you can't make any money? We are all in the communications business, we can smell bullshit and spin a mile away. No wonder these people are fucked.

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Another fine AdWeek publication!

Fly the "Friendly Skies"... I don't think so!

So, I'm in Ottawa to spend a day with The Gordon Group and some of their clients. I was supposed to arrive here at 8.00PM last night. I actually arrived at 3-30AM this morning... Knackered. It's a long story, but primarily you can blame the weather in Chicago which held up the flight from Boise, so I missed the connection, got re-booked, then that kept getting delayed. Anyway, the point of all this shit is that I am really pissed with United. Actually, I'm fucking pissed with the people who work for United on the ground. They are rude and extremely unhelpful. I had used mileage for upgrades, when they re-booked me in Chicago, the douchnozzle woman at the gate wouldn't upgrade me because, as she put it... You're using mileage. As if this was some kind of second rate ploy. As I pointed out, I wouldn't have the fucking mileage if I hadn't spent a fortune flying United over the years. So much for good customer relations! Meantime the air crew and cabin staff were great. Maybe United should get rid of their ground staff. Makes you wonder why airlines waste so much money running dumb ad campaigns, when they should get their service act together.

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That's about it!

AdWeek doing a Titanic!!!

This just in... Big news just on the cusp of Thanksgiving - Adage publisher Scott Donaton bolts for Entertainment Weekly - Keith Kelly reports in the NY Post AND Adweek announces it's going to publish every other week. Big changes a foot. Gives Adage an opportunity to recapture the agency beat and solidify it's leadership in the marketplace. Wow... Just had drinks with Scott at the IDEA Conference. Must be big bucks. And AdWeek is sinking like a stone. Only averages about two fucking pages an issue. Watch Jonah Bloom jump all over this. Off to do Ottawa. Will post more later.

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SS AdWeek... Going down!