AdScam/The Horror!

Catharine Taylor of Adverganza... Who loves ya baby?

Catharine Taylor over at Adverganza has a doozy of a post about all kinds of sexual fuck ups over at Dentsu USA... Here's the entire post... Just when it looked like Dentsu was joining the ranks of agencies that were viewed less for their nationality than for their advertising acumen, Steve Biegel, a former New York creative director at the agency, has sued it for sexual harassment. But this suit probably isn't what you're thinking. Biegel, in a suit that was filed—somehow befittingly—on Halloween, says that his male Japanese boss, Toyo Shigeta, the head of Dentsu Holdings USA, forced him into visiting brothels, distributed lewd pictures of, among other females, tennis star Maria Sharapova (specifically of her crotch), which Shigeta took on a Canon shoot in October 2004 and also insisted that Biegel and others hang out nude in a hot tub with him, which, the suit says, left Biegel "offended and humiliated by this outrageous, sexually degrading experience imposed on him as a condition of his employment." Biegel, after complaining, was fired in November 2006, roughly six months after the bath-house incident. Dentsu so far is only saying that they haven't seen the suit. But there's a lot more to this story—among other things, the crotch-shot of Sharapova has been entered into evidence. Trust me. There's much more to come. Catharine... You are a lady after my own heart...

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In Japan, no one knows what sex your ass is!

Karen Hughes. "Douchenozzle of State!"

So Karen Hughes has finally realized she is flogging a dead horse trying to improve the image of the US in the Arab and Muslim world. This Uber-Crony of the "Decider Guy" has decided to hotfoot it back to Texas, probably to spend more time with her family, which is the excuse she gave last time she jumped ship from the USS "Mission Accomplished" three years ago. Remember when she spoke to a bunch of women in Saudi Arabia and assured them that when Bush brought democracy to the Middle East they'd all be able to drive Hummers, get shitfaced on booze and walk around downttown Rihad without panties, just like Britney. They all told her to fuck off in no uncertain terms. I guess the single biggest accomplishment of her two year stint was making Cal Ripkin the Baseball Ambassador to China! 'Cos you know it's a fucking huge sport over there and Cal's picture is on the front of every paper, every day. Karen, it's simple, you should have told Bush that if he wants to improve our image in the Arab world, all he has to do is get the fuck out of the Arab world.

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I have no fucking idea what this says... And I don't give a shit!

Fox outs 10 year old Al Qaeda terrorist pal of Obama!

Remember last week when Fox "Fair & Balanced" News suggested that Al Qaeda terrorists had set the California fires as part of their attack on the American Homeland? Well, it turns out that according to today's news, one of the biggest fires was set by a ten year old boy playing with a box of matches. I am now standing by for "This just in" from "Faux News" - complete with a giant American flag, a screaming eagle and martial music - Announcing that the ten year old kid from Santa Clarita, had just returned from five years study at a Madrassa in Iran. (Yes, I know, they don't have madrassa's in Iran, just like Saddam had nothing to do with 9/11... But we're talking about Fox Fucking News here) They will also point out it's the same madrassa Obama spent his formative years at. Fuckers! Stand by for more "Breaking News" on Karen Hughes, coming up next!

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You smelled it first on Fox!

Enough of the Halloween bullshit!!!

I've never been able to figure out what it is with Americans and Halloween. It's bad enough you go into the bank to make a deposit and some fifty year old hag dressed as a witch with blacked out teeth and a big pointed fucking hat deals with you. I've even been on cross-country flights when all I want is a drink, but I don't want it served by some guy dressed up as fucking Dracula. Grow the fuck up, this holiday is supposed to be for kids, except now, the fucking kids have to have hundred dollar costumes and face paint. Who started this shit... Fucking Hallmark? Anyway... It's not a holiday. People in America only get two weeks, and most of 'em don't even take that. It's bullshit. Yeah, I know we Europeans are a bunch of lazy fuckers 'cos we take up to eight weeks a year for vacations. But you know what, we don't have to dress up like idiots at work to pretend we're actually enjoying some kind of faux holiday. We get to enjoy the real stuff!

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I just want to cash a fucking check!

A bit of e-Rants for your titillation!

Quite possibly the thing that's been keeping you awake at night is whether Becks and Posh are joining the aluminum foil hat brigade. Well, you can relax, 'cos David Beckham has admitted that while he respects the Scientological beliefs of new chums Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, they have not attempted to convert him and missus Posh to the word of L Ron Hubbard. This fucking amazing news is in an interview in the December issue of Arena, in which "The Man with the Golden Balls" explains: "We respect their religion. We respect everything they do and believe in. But they have never turned around to us and said, 'You have to be a part of this', because that's not what they're about. It's never been about that." He did though, go on a bit about his new pal Mark Anthony... No, not the one that killed Caesar... The one that's shagging Latina superpower Jennifer Lopez, saying: "We talk about all sorts. What's happening that week, that day. What Jennifer's up to, what Victoria's up to. I speak to him at least three or four times a week." Fuck, isn't it great to know what the hoi-polloi get up to when they not out shopping?

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Yeah... And I want 20 of the gold fings! Oh... Wiv extra diamonds and stuff!

We don't need no stinkin' Stinkton Heights!!!

Angela has a post over on AdRants about what has to be the world's dumbest fucking campaign for a "personal hygiene" product. Some dumbfuck agency by the name enlighten cobbled together a website for FeelBanFresh, which in garish day-glo colors talks about the town of "Stinkton Heights." That's right all you folks out there in Ad Land... It's called "Stinkton Heights!" I will not attempt to describe it. You have to go there and experience it... Maybe even smell it. All I can say is, whoever the fuck is responsible for this shit needs to get their heads shoved down a rancid, stinking crapper and have the flush pulled enough times that the possibility of them ever again perpetrating shit like this on the general public is zero. Perhaps the problem with "New Media" is that there aren't enough 'Old Fuckers" like me in it to say to the young wankers that come up with shit like this... Are you fucking crazy???

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Massive amounts of consumer research have led us to the inescapable conclusion that your armpits smell like a dead skunk!

You pathetic wanker. Take your ill-gotten gains and help someone!!!

David Burn over at AdPulp had a great post on this fucking 32 year old douchenozzle who made billions before he was 12 or something and is now driven to make even more before he's fucking 13 or something. These people make me sick... So here's what I posted... Wow... What a fucking wanker. Max should stop thinking about where his next $1.4 fucking BILLION is comming from and fuck off back to the Ukraine where could do some real fucking good in less time than it would take him to unpack his fucking boxes.... Aaaargh, these people are fucking pathetic... Yes, I'm mad as hell, and I need a drink. By the way, having read the piece in the NYT... His girlfriend is even crazier than he is... Unless she's got all his money in a numbered bank account somewhere and he wakes up one day and she's fucked off with everything!!! Oh, wouldn't that be great??? I hope she's a real evil bitch and takes him for everything. Then he can spend the rest of his life unpacking his fucking stupid boxes!!!

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Douchenozzle!!!

In my never ending efforts to beat the crap out of Draft/FCB... I offer you this!!!

My post of 10/26/07 concerning the Draft/FCB internal memo offering heartfelt congrats to the bozos who have turned the Kraft account into a cream-in-your-jeans love fest, is now up to 56 comments! (Sorry about the exclam followed by a cap letter, but when I went to school in the middle ages, the gnarly old Nuns used to beat the shit out of me with a birch whip in their pathetically useless efforts to teach me proper English grammar. Anyway... As I have said a million times... It's my fucking blog!) Which is why I want to point out, we are getting close to the record number of comments posted on one of my old Julie Roehm, Sean Womack pieces... Are they still alive, by the way? So, come' on guys... Lets bust through that glass ceiling of political correctness and kick some ass. And finally... Several people have posted that their is a shit load of freelance work out there... If the mean $350 a day digital shit... Maybe... If they mean $2 - 3 K a day, for doing ads... that is over, toast and fucked up... Never forget, I know EVERYONE... Even the ones who pretend otherwise... So watch it!!!

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So, Laurence asked me to meet him in his private gym after work... Whadaya think?

Breaking news from Ogilvy!

This just in on the AdScam spy line... Ogilvy's CFO, John Lanaway is leaving to join Interppublic as of November 1st. All I can say is , I hope to fuck they're paying him a shitload of money, as the prospect of dealing with Michael Roth and Howard "The Gorrila" would require me to ask for dunpster loads of cash delivered daily to my numbered Swiss bank account. The move follows the recent departure of Andy Berndt, Ogilvy's Managing Director and Co-President, to join the ranks of Google Universe for free gourmet food etc, Good luck John... You'll need it. So who's next... Carla to DisneyWorld?

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But what makes you think the next ship will be any better?

Facebook's Flaming Naughties!

Facebook has been sued for bombarding the wrong people with intermittently-X-rated mobile text messages. It seems that earlier this week, an Indiana lady named Lindsey Abrams filed a federal class action suit against the "hot" social networking site. She's claiming it sends thousands of unauthorized text messages to innocent bystanders across the country - and that many of these messages contain "adult content". Apparently, Web 2.0 addicts can use Facebook to instantly send steaming texts to all their filth and fuck loving buddies. But sometimes users change their phone numbers without notifying the service, and Facebook sends the texts to the wrong place. That's why Lindsay is pissed. She says the messages are "often obscure and graphic" and that they can mess with your mind. Fuck... I never get any, just people I don't know wanting to be my friend.

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Never mind the bollocks!