AdScam/The Horror!

The battle of the "AdHacks!"

Robert Rosenthal of "FreakingMarketing," has pointed me in the direction of "World Famous," Direct Mail copywriter, Bob Bly, who is engaged in a pissing match on his blog with Jerry Della Femina. It would appear that in a New York Post piece on advertising in the 60's, Jerry said... “Investment bankers started invading the world, and it went from being a business of fun to being a business of money,” he says. “And that changes everything.” Which I absolutely agree with, but Bob's nose was completely put out of joint, 'cos he thinks it is the mission of ad agencies to make money for their clients, and not to have fun while doing it. Apart from obviously being a miserable old fucker, he misses the point... Jerry was talking about the bean counting fuckers who have taken over agencies. Dipshits like Michael Roth and "The Poisoned Dwarf." Maybe before he reads anything else he should have a few of those sinful martinis and lighten up. Anyway, I don't know where he finds the time to read anything. This fucking guy has written over fifty books, and like Seth Godin's prodigious output... They're all the same fucking book!

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A weeks output of shit from Bob Bly!

Ford goes Candy Apple Red in the face!!!

I had to laugh when I read the piece in AdAge about Ford's incredibly exciting news that it would now be offering their cars in more colors. No wonder the American car business is so fucked up. They've scraped the bottom of the barrel with financing and cash back and no fucking interest ' til 3007 deals... So now they're painting the fucking barrel. Why can't they just make cars people want to buy... Then, here's a revolutionary thought, do some advertising that stands out and makes people want to think about perhaps buying from you. Ford is probably JWT's biggest global client. The advertising sucks, not because it's really bad, but because it's like everyone else's car advertising. I honestly cannot remember a single Ford ad. Can you? Yet they are spending hundreds of millions of dollars. If they stopped advertising tomorrow and gave all the money to UN relief efforts, they'd save a lot of lives... And they might generate enough goodwill to sell a few cars. What's the chances of that? Fucking zero!

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Now available in "Cadaver Black!"

The Ugly American... Is a beauty queen!

If it wasn't so fucking pathetic, you'd have to laugh. I've seen it on a couple of sites, but Angela over at Adrants, jogged my memory. This is a video of Miss South Carolina competing in the Miss Teen America Pageant, being asked in the "Brains" part of the competition, why one in five Americans can't locate the USA on a map. You will just wet yourself with the response. Apart from the fact that there are very few maps in America, she also babbles on about helping people in South Africa and Iraq - Which she pronounces, in common with all the other fucking cretins out there as - Eyerak. Oh, and just in case you can't make out this idiots mumbling... The whole fucking thing has sub-titles.

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Oh, and while you're at it... Could you put your finger on Pago Pago!

Get your arse to LA in September.

As loyal readers will know, I've spoken this year at the PSFK Conferences in New York and London, both very interesting, with lots of good stuff. Now, I'll be speaking at the PSFK Conference in LA on September 18th. If you live on the West Coast, you should get your arse there, particularly as I'll be interviewing "Missy," founder of Suicide Girls, on how she created an empire through lust, piercing, tattoos and being very fucking clever. It's an interesting story which I think should be a lot of fun. I'm sure Piers chose me for the job as I am the archetypal "Dirty Old Man," and he couldn't think of anyone more suited to the task. As usual, the attendee list has very few BDA's, as they're all so fucking clueless they'd rather go to a wanky AAAA snore fest and play golf. I'll be talking more about the conference in the next couple of weeks.

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Say hello to "Missy!"

"Mad Men." It could drive you to drink... Lots of drink!

There's a great review of "Mad Men" by Sacha Zimmerman in the current issue of "The New Republic." Basically it agrees with what I've been saying (That's why it's a great review!) that while they've gone overboard with the authenticity of sets and wardrobe, the story lines and acting are less than great. As the review also points out, it's like they never stop hitting you over the fucking head with all the references to clunky old technology, as when SuperCreative Don says to someone "it's not like there's some magic copying machine around." Yeah, we get it, Xerox hadn't happened yet. Or the reference to the IBM Selectric being invented so women could use it... Except they fucked up on that, 'cos the Selectric didn't happen until 1961. But, Sacha is mainly right about the way the writers keep sticking all these time warp references in your fucking face, while the whole mood is dark and depressing. Advertising in the 60's wasn't like that. You made a good living and had a good time, OK, a lot of the work was shit. But you know what? Most of the work today is shit, and people are getting paid less and having a really fucking miserable time creating it. Time to light up and pour a stiff one.

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How many more episodes of this thing?

More lowdown on Lowe!

LAM has an excellent comment on my last post about the current fuck up at Lowe, a once great agency that through a series of blunders and bad management is now in deep shit. He suggest a re-alignment of all the IPG lame ducks into some sort of a row that would make sense. Particularly if they sent Howard and his cronies back to the DM trenches. But, as he points out, if it is up to the IPG board, nothing will happen. That's why you have to admire a conglomerate run by one dominant figure, like Levy at Publicis and my old nemesis, the "Poisoned Dwarf" at WPP. They may be nasty fuckers, but they don't tolerate incompetents the way Michael Roth does. And if "His Gnomeship" bought IPG, his fucking empire would be way bigger than Omnicom and he could happily go to Hell with the most toys.

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IPG wins another award!

Monday morning bullshit from Jonathan!

Just to start you all off on the right foot on a bright Monday morning, here is a little pep talk from Obersturmbanfuhrer Harries. Why he thinks talking about having a fucking "colonoscopy" is going to energize the troops is beyond me. But then again, this is the guy that thinks creative is driven by data. I guess that's how you come up with a Titanium Lion for CVS in the "Aisle Stacking" category. As I said in my last post these fuckers generate more shit that the Nazis did. And as for his final thought that we don't need another stupd word in advertising. He's got that wrong. What we don't need are any more stupid people! Stay tuned... There'll be more.

Another "Oscar" winner from Draft/FCB

Why does Draft/FCB remind me of the Nazi party? No, it's not Jonathan's accent, or Howard's Goering like features. It's because they are fucking obsessed by keeping records. For your entertainment and delight, here's another of their excruciating video's resurrected from the archives. It was obviously made during that 24 hour window when they actually had the Wal-Mart account. It starts off with Howard saying... "We're going to be the agency that lives and dies with Wal-Mart!" So, does that mean Draft/FCB has been dead for months and no one has fucking noticed it? They talk about clients, 90% of which are FCB. The one Howard is most proud of is CVS, 'cos they helped them decide which aisle to put the douche nozzles on, or something equally bizarre. Howard also claims that Draft/FCB truly understands women. Fuckin' A! Howard, especially when you put their nude picture on your phone so you can flash it for the guys. (Wonder what Laurence has on his?) As usual, the whole production looks like it was created by fucking chimpanzees - actually, that's insulting to chimpanzees. And, as usual, the music must have come from Howard's penthouse lounge. At least the Nazis had Leni Reisenthal, God knows who does D/FCB's videos!

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Howard all dressed up for a Laurence party!

Giuliani tells the "Mad Men" to fuck off!

Did anyone notice the news last week that Rudy Giuliani, the ex mayor of New York, who's milked every fucking possible association with New York while running for the Republican nomination for the US Presidency, has picked his high powered ad team to head up his multi million dollar effort... And, guess what? Not one of the shops he's chosen is based in New York. You know, the place where the "Mad Men" are. Instead he's going to use the usual collection of Republican consultant attack dog, hack agencies based in Dallas, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh and Virginia. The same fuckers that threw shitty racial and sexual advertising at African American Democratic candidate, Harold Ford, last time around. But what can you expect from a guy who claims he spent more time at "Ground Zero" than the police and fire fighters. Yet according to a recent article in the New York Times, during that period, he actually spent twice as much time attending Yankee baseball games. Rudy... You're a wanker! I wouldn't vote for you if you paid me... And based on your Bernie Kerik record you probably would!

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Rudy does lunch! He's saving her tits for dessert!

"Brown Bagging" at Draft/FCB.

This is the internal memo that went out to all the surviving employees at Draft/FCB this morning hyping up the "Brown Bag Concert Series." As far as I know a "Brown Bag" is what the guys hanging out on the Bowery (before it got posh) used to keep their Thunderbird or Night Train in. I guess on 33rd street you'd keep your "Effen-Effen" in it.

MEMORANDUM
To: Everyone at Draftfcb New York
From: Peter, Wendy and Chris
Re: Richie Sambora Playing at Noon Today, 8th Floor
Date: August 24, 2007
As part of the new “Brown Bag Concert Series,” Richie Sambora, lead guitarist for Bon Jovi, will be playing at noon today in the open seating area on the 8th floor. Stop by to hear some songs and click on the link below for more information on Richie and the series:

The link goes to an internal Dufus/FCB Intranet which I haven't hacked into yet... But don't worry, I will.

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Those Draft/FCB "Brown Baggers" really fuck you up!