AdScam/The Horror!

Music lovers... Skip this!

You have to hand it to "The Cartoonist" for digging up some of the best and weirdest shit around. He just posted on a punk group by the name "The Exploding Fuck Dolls!" Shit, I wish I'd come up with that. You can listen to some of their excruciating music on their Web site. You can even buy some of it if you're totally fucking crazy! And if you're completely out of your mind you can watch them "perform" in one of the all time really fucking bad music videos ever to appear on YouTube. But fuck, I do like their name though!

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Now that's what I call art!

Introducing Microsoft's iTable!

Remember not long ago when Microsoft introduced the giant fucking computer in a table, calling it the "Microsoft Surface Computer? Seems like they thought this was their answer to the iPod, or iPhone, or iAnything. Haven't heard much about it recently, but Sarcasticgamer.com, one of my favorite sites recently put up a great video spoof taking the piss out of it. Don't miss his take on this $10,000 boat anchor. Very funny.

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And when you play Pacman... The men are as big as your fucking head!

Hey Toto... You're not in Kansas anymore!

Interesting to read in today's AdAge that Toto Washlet, the company which put a huge billboard up in Times Square featuring a row of naked bums to promote it's toilet seats, has now partially covered up the arses because the pastor of the Times Square Church, situated directly underneath, was more than a little pissed. The reason I find it noteworthy, is not because of the pros (pardon the use of that particular word) and cons of whether or not it was suitable in what used to be "Sin Central" for New York, but because of the statement issued by Toto... "When a billboard's content or theme creates a situation whereby its primary marketing aim -- in this case, advertising the Washlet and raising US consumer awareness of this unique personal cleansing system -- becomes secondary to distractions that draw attention away from the company's business goals, it's time to change the advertising." Wow... A company that doesn't offer mealy mouthed excuses, or resort to the fucking asinine corporate doublespeak we are so used to whenever a company fucks up! Hats off to Toto... Or should I say, bottoms up!

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A free coffee mug with every Toto!

Nepotism is alive and well at Draft/FCB!

This just in... It would seem that the guy responsible for all the serendipity out at Sag Harbor, Steven Kinder, runs "DraftWorks" and reports directly to Laurence. Apparently, "DraftWorks" is some kind of sausage factory geared to churning out zillions of variations on previously approved creative work... In other words... The last fucking place on the face of the planet anyone in their right mind would want to work. You can read all about it in a very boring speech Laurence gave in 2006... But only recommended if you're a masochist!

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Jesus... How many times do I have to tell you... No more fucking lions!

After a hard week laying people off, Draft/FCB management needs to relax!

My post of last night concerning the poor sod on the Draft/FCB payroll who is monitoring AdScam 24/7 for deleterious stuff from yours truly, will have a job erasing this link, concerning the luxurious Sag Harbor weekend retreat Laurence shares with his partner, Steven Kinder. As he puts it so succinctly... "The compound is a serendipitous adventure!" I'll bet it is. In the meantime all the poor fuckers recently laid off at Draft/FCB are having a serendipitous time signing on for their unemployment benefits. But wait, there's more! One of my Draft/FCB "Deep Throats" (of which I have many) tells me more layoffs are in the pipeline! Well shit, someone has to pay for all that weekend splendor. Otherwise how is Laurence going to relax after a hard week working out in his private gym on West 33rd Street? It's tough at the top. As Auntie Christ points out in a comment... WHEN YOU SCREW OVER YOUR EMPLOYEES WHILE YOU CONTINUE TO PROFIT DESPITE YOUR PROFESSIONAL AND MORAL INNEPTITUDE, YEAH, WE WILL NOT GO QUIETLY. Fuck, don't think I could have put it any better myself. Let's see how quickly Hughie, Dewie & Louie can blow up the offices of Coastal Living!

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Mmmm... Looks like it has religous overtones to me!

I have the strangest feeling I'm starting to piss Draft/FCB off!

Oh dear... I think I am giving someone in the Draft/FCB empire sleepless nights. Obviously, Hughie, Dewie & Louie have got someone working 24/7 checking AdScam... 'Cos every time I post one of their internal memos, or Oscar worthy videos, within hours, it gets taken down. Wonder if I'm starting to get under their skin? Why can't they accept two things... I get all this shit from people who work at Draft/FCB and are obviously less than thrilled to get moronic communications which treat them as idiots. Guys, you three are sitting pretty, your jobs are not in danger, you can buy yourself a new Aston with the change at the back of the sofa in your corner "Non-Virtual" office. You can even repaint Laurence's gym in "Julie Mauve." But what you shouldn't do is insult your staff... They'll hate you for it. And finally, you're in the communications business, for Christ's sake, try not to make your communications so gauche.

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Sometimes it's best just to shut the fuck up!

Fifty years of BDA's... And they still can't get it right!

Theo Kie has an interesting comment on my July 27th post reviewing the second installment of "Mad Men." He asks for my insights into the comparison of Ad Biz 1960 versus Ad Biz 2007 with particular reference to the "New media/research model." Which is one of the things I talk about in my next book, "The Ubiquitous persuaders." A fifty year update on Vance Packard's 1957 classic, "The Hidden Persuaders." Because even though much has changed in those fifty years, a great deal hasn't. BDA's have always been ready to leap onto whatever the "Buzz du Jour" of the moment is, whether it's viral, guerilla, CGC, or shoving a banana up your arse. 'Cos they don't have a fucking clue, they never have, they never will. In my first "Mad Men" review I pointed out how Don would never have thrown the Teutonic Research Directors report in the trash can. He would have been all over it, like the drunken AE on the "New Girl." Agencies still pay dumpster loads of money for insights such as the MENSA guy in the opening sequence of "Putney Swope" telling the BDA board that... "Beer is Peepie Dicky!" As one of the board members says... "Well, he must be right, we paid him a shitload of money!" The profligate waste that goes on in BDA's never ceases to amaze me (Though, I have to admit, it's often exceeding at the client end) It seems that the vast majority of people in this business have learned nothing over the years. It also seems to me there are few business's where so many losers can make it to the top while destroying people of far greater talent as they climb the ladder. To quote an old English music hall song... "It's the rich wot gets the gravy. It's the poor what gets the blame!"

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Welcome to the future of advertising... Aaarrrrggh!

Draft/FCB... Still shoveling shit!

Just in... Another of those inspiring memos from Hughie, Dewy & Louie, the "Uber-Brains" behind the continuing downward spiral of Draft/FCB. This one comes with the usual "Throbbing" globe representing the O in the "Global" headline. It's yet another pathetic attempt at saying Draft/FCB is kicking ass and making the entire ad community purple in the face with envy. Fuck guys, do you actually believe this shit you put out? You just fired 130 people, everyone who works there thinks you're wankers. Why don't you just shut the fuck up. Here's a couple of the highlights... We’ve not only retained the lion’s share of our client roster, (haven't they learned Lions are a No-No?) we’ve won scores of new clients and incremental assignments over these past few months. We have hit some unanticipated bumps in the road, (Bumps... Wouldn't "sinkholes" be a better description?) and we’ve had to make some tough but necessary calls to ensure the agency remains on track. (Yeah like not gold plating the barbells in Laurence's private gym!) It should come as no surprise that our agency is being closely watched. (Jesus, do you think they mean me?) We represent something new and something different and as such there are factions out there who want us to fail. (Yeah, they're definitely talking about me!) Too many observers would rather focus on bad news rather than the good, but we can’t allow ourselves to be distracted. We’ve long said that failure is not an option. Besides, winning is a lot more fun. Jesus... I can't wait for the movie, especially if it has that great music they love to use on their videos!

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One of the "scores" of new accounts they just picked up!

Poor old Joe... Rich old Joe!

So, Joe Nacchio, the best client I ever had (When he was CEO of Qwest) just got sentenced to six years in the slammer (which will probably be "Club Fed) for pulling $100 million out of the company before the stock tanked. Qwest Chairman, Phil Anschutz, who liposuctioned $2.8 billion out at the same time as Joe, never even got indicted. I guess the fact that he's a born again, gay hating evangelist, who's also a major contributor to the Republican party, had nothing to do with it. Meantime, the stock market has tanked big time, yet again, but if you listen to the TV analysts, everything is fucking rosy! To a man (and woman) they all declaim that this has been a "Minor Correction." Or, "It's a Buying Opportunity." That "The Fundamentals are Sound." And the moon is made of fucking green cheese. Journalists and the "Experts" they constantly have on their jerkwad programs are a bunch of fucking wankers. They probably believe we are winning in Iraq!

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Welcome to "Club Fed!"

"Mad Men" Time to take this fucker behind the woodshed and kill it!!!

So, I just finished watching "Mad Men" Part Two... What the fuck happened? I mean I gave the first episode one thumb up and one thumb down. I think whoever was responsible for episode two must have had two thumbs up their arse... It was very slow and incredibly boring. Most of the story lines which were being developed in the first episode just kinda disappeared. Yeah, we know that all the guys in the office want to bang the shit out of the new girl, who at the end of the first episode got her brains banged out by the drunk junior executive who disappeared from episode two 'cos he's on his honeymoon at Niagara Falls. But in episode two a schmuck of a writer (You know he's a writer, 'cos he smokes a pipe... Give me a fucking break... Cliche, cliche!) makes a play for her, which she rebuffs 'cos her heart belongs to the drunk who's banging the shit out of his new (rich) wife while on honeymoon at Niagara Falls... Are you paying attention here??? Meantime, Don's wife is doing a Soprano and seeing a shrink while she smokes... But that's OK, 'cos the shrink smokes. Don has taken the day off to  fuck the shit out of his mistress, who wears wigs and loses the key to her apartment, which from the looks of the beat to shit hallway must be in Hells Kitchen before it got trendy... But, the high spot of an episode lacking spots of virtually any description, was, after a night of debauchery, and after being told by his mistress that he stinks, and she has to leave him stinking in bed to go to a theatrical reading which she assures us Karouac will not show up for (like we fucking care?) Then as Don lights a cigarette, the muse strikes and that good old lighting bolt of inspiration tells him exactly... "What a woman wants!" Relative to the worlds first aerosol deodorant that is... "Cos he doesn't have a clue when it comes to his wife. How many more fucking episodes does this clinker have to go... And even more importantly... How much payola did it cost to get all the glowing reviews that preceded this piece of shit? Fuck, and I always thought advertising was corrupt!

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