AdScam/The Horror!

Julie Roehm Rumor... Can anyone be that stupid?

This just in from one of my spies out there... I haven't been able to check on it yet but I have someone in New York working on it and should have more in the next day or so... It would seem that Julie Roehm has been retained by Sports Illustrated magazine to help figure out their strategic direction and other  bullshit, whatever that is. There's a rumor that it's some kind of trade off deal between a potential advertiser and the magazine. If there is any truth to it, it's probably some tie-in with the swim suit issue bullshit and Julies expertise with lingerie wearing football players and lap dancing. I mean the magazine is a piece of shit and should be renamed "Football - Baseball - Basketball." I mean those are the only sports they ever feature. Anyway, I hear it's not doing well financially (It's part of Time Inc. for fuck's sake!) So hiring Julie is not what I'd call a smart business decision. But, the next 48 hours will tell all, or nothing. If it is true... Remember you heard it here first! So buy another copy of "MadScam!" or I'll stop reporting on Julie - Oh yeah - No word on Sean baby!

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Sounds like monkey business to me!

McCann does shit for Microsoft... Again!

I just checked out the new McCann print, Internet, customer-relationship marketing and PR campaign for Microsoft Forefront security software aimed at the young male IT specialist, according to an agency SpokesHack. Words of wisdom from Rob Bagot, ECD at McCann San Francisco tell us… "We've had good luck bringing a level of engagement into the IT world. They are kind of comedy starved. If we get the right blend of entertainment and education, it is a win-win." Did a creative person just say win-win? I thought that kind of juvenile shit was reserved for ass-kissing suits! Webisodes at easyeasier.com use Flash animation to show a male IT dweeb battling zombies ("the random, relentless chaos of any given workday," Bagot explained), a James-Bond-like "secret agent," an alien invader ("the otherworldly hacker") and a ninja ("representing a silent, invisible force"). Fuck Rob… That’s just too deep for me, particularly when all this entertainment, comedy win-win shit is backed up by the usual turgid, techno-babble copy saying the same crap every other IT company has been saying for years. Take my word for it guys… It’s a lose-lose! But what else can you expect from the people who brought you the Microsoft Butterfly?

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If you thought this was bad... Wait 'til you see the zombies!

Volvo... Built like a tank. Looks like a tank. Drives like a tank!

So Arnold has won the creative bit of the $150 million Volvo ad account following a somewhat drawn out review it was confirmed today. Arnold pitched with independent Nitro in London against Fallon in Minneapolis in the final round. According to the chief marketing wanker, Tim Ellis, at Volvo… "We wanted a powerful, overarching single-minded idea that could leverage and emotionalize our rich heritage." How about the one that’s worked for you for the last three hundred years… “Volvo’s are safe?” An AdWeek spy reports that Arnold and Nitro's winning pitch positioned the car as symbolic of a high-end lifestyle that lasts throughout the day, even when drivers have left their vehicles. What the fuck does that mean? You take your car out to Balthazar for dinner? Oh, but wait… There’s more… The Chief Marketing Wanker said… “The work will stress safety, long a Volvo hallmark, as well as its Scandinavian design and respect for the environment.” I guess that means you take your Volvo for dinner at “Scandia,” wear seat belts at the dinner table and eat organic pickled herring. Fuck, where’s the schnapps?

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I used to have a Volvo, but I can't remember where the hell I left it!

Fancy a "Dirty Weekend?" Check this out first.

Anyone looking for the perfect alibi as a cover for getting up to no good with someone they shouldn't be spending time with, should look no further than "Babalucio," a Rumanian Web site run by a Sicilian (who else?) restaurateur in Bucharest. This guy runs an agency, which for a fee, will provide anyone with a watertight story to prove they were at a business conference, attending a seminar, or even running a marathon! When in reality they were in bed for the weekend with their secretary/gardener/masseuse etc. For the money you get hotel receipts, conference agendas, an ashtray you stole from the room, even a diploma giving credit for your "educational" experience, or last place finish in that marathon. Check out the Web site. It's a hoot. The perfect alibi will cost you anywhere from $800 to $1,400. Too bad Sean didn't know about it a few months ago!

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Sean wants to know if you can back date the receipts?

Everything you ever wanted to know about Sean Womack... And a lot you didn't!

One of my loyal readers has done an incredible piece of research over the last couple of weeks and compiled the complete dossier... Download sean_womack_bio_x on the sad and unfortunate life of Sean "VP, Director of Brand Fuck Up's and Architecture" Womack. It's all of ten pages long, but well worth the read as it has all kinds of sordid details, not just about Sean's somewhat murky past, and even murkier future... But also about the strange and wonderful environment he grew up in in "BubbaVille!" My many thanks to the necessarily anonymous compiler of this document. It should be required reading for Julie "I want my paint and ladders back" Roehm, before embarking on her illustrious future business career with her "Born Again Toy Boy."

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I'm honored that I was able to be such an influence on Seans life!

O&M... The blood... The horror... The hypocricy!

Seems like the final head count for the "Sayonara Treatment" at O&M was forty and counting... Cos it ain't over 'til the "Poisoned Dwarf" sings. All the senior "decision makers" are holding on to their various "decision making" positions. Which, in the American way of doing things, is as it should be. The people who actually do the work are dispensable. The people who "manage the process" will remain and prosper. Kinda like American Airlines at the moment. Aircrew and cabin staff have been asked to take cuts in salary and benefits for the last few years. Management has just been awarded millions in bonuses. As we used to say in England... "It's the rich wot gets the gravy... It's the poor what gets the blame!" What a bunch of Wankers.

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Jesus... Close the door!

AdScam invites you to get shitfaced at your expense... But, have agreat time doing it... And you might even get the "Poisoned Dwarf" to pay for it!!!

Hey, I know that all these conferences and symposia and shit are all a giant rip off, having been invited to speak at many, without pay and sometimes without even the expenses necessary to stay in a flea bag hotel while you sober up from the excesses of the night before… But, enough bullshit… I just got one for the AdAge “Marquee Marketing at the Movies” event, to be held in New York, Sunday 4/22. And you can get all this wonderful insight from industry leaders for a lousy $100! Which I have to admit is peanuts compared to the outrageous sums most of these “Must attend events” usually charge… Then, I looked at the agenda for this World Shattering affair, only to discover that once you knock out the “Registration, coffee, opening remarks, award presentations, networking and all the other bullshit that occupies half the agenda… You actually get about just over two hours of boiler plate content from the same old, same old, hacks that seem to speak at all these “WankFests.” To which I have to ask… Why bother? Better yet, sign up for the AdScam “New Trends in New Trends - Any excuse for a piss up Conference”… So, WaddYaThink… Should I organize one… Even more important… Could you convince your employer to sign on for first class air fare, hotel and bar bills at the AdScam “Better Advertising Through More Alcohol Conference of the Future”… To be held in the South of France at the Hotel Negresco, Nice. Followed by a tour of the sleaziest bars in the “Old Port” section of that wonderful city. C’mon guys, the balls in your court (not to mention in your pants.) You want to listen to bullshit in Arizona, or some other lamo geriatric golf capitol of the Western US… Or, do you want to get shitfaced and laid in evil old Europe??? OK, that’s a dumb question… Feed Back???

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Welcome to Evil Old Europe. AdScam would like to make your visit pleasurable. Or, if this makes you a tad nervous, you can go back to Boise!

Agency CEO proves stupidity is an essential prerequisite for the job!

Why is it that so many people in BDA's come across as either stupid, or full of shit... Actually, it's probably both. M&C Saatchi has launched some really pathetic TV spots for New Mexico Tourism, according the Huw Griffith, the agency's CEO. "It's completely different for the category," said Griffith. "We needed to cut through and position it as a very different place." All the spots, as well as the print and outdoor, show reptilian aliens dressed as tourists doing really stupid things like playing golf or walking around in the fucking desert. The print headline is, "The best place in the universe. New Mexico, Earth." Oh how fucking droll... But here's the best bit... Griffith said the aliens, designed by a Hollywood special-effects guy, have nothing to do with numerous UFO sightings in a state connected with places such as Roswell Air Base and Area 80, or whatever the fuck it's called. "That was far from our thinking," Griffith said. "We are simply articulating that people come from far and wide, therefore the juxtaposition of the aliens in normal situations." Is this guy for real... Isn't that the first thing anyone would think about... Aliens... New Mexico... Duh! Maybe this bozo is a fucking alien!

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So dude... Where the hell are my golf clubs?

Chuck McBride would kill for a phone account!

The news that Amp'd Mobile is talking to three San Francisco-shops about handling its estimated $65 million account must be causing monster yawns at Goodby, Silverstein and Partners. I mean c'mon, that's chump change when you've just picked up the $1.2 fucking billion Sprint Nextel account. The shops pitching Amp'd are, Omnicom's Cutwater and Publicis & Hal Riney, both in S F, and Butler, Shine, Stern & Partners in Sausalito. I wonder if Chuck McBride is going to do another "Slasher" movie as part of Cutwater's pitch? Hey Chuck, here's one for free... Open up an Amp'd store on Second Life. Then customer's Avatars can make virtual calls to other people's Avatars that they pay for with Linden Dollars. I mean no one makes any money, but fuck... It's cool! Wait... What if the Avatars are covered in blood? The women can still have huge knockers and the guys all look like George Clooney, but there's blood everywhere. That's it Chuck... The next one'll cost ya.

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He said his name was Chuck McBride and he was here to pitch the phone account!

 

I'm with Steve Hall... Fuck the NRA!

Steve Hall over at AdRants has kicked up a shit storm with his post about the shootings yeaterday. He got hundreds of comments, with plenty from the usual prickheads screaming about the right to carry concealed weapons in case someone pisses you off on the freeway. So, here's my comment that I just posted... I just love the way the gun nuts describe anyone in favor of gun control as a “Liberal.” Just as a letter in my local paper today described Al Gore as a communist because he advocates some form of climate control. These are also the people who insist we have to fight the terrorists in Iraq, otherwise we’ll have to fight them on the streets of America. Fucking right, hordes of jihadi’s running around the meat packing district shooting up Pastis. Just how the fuck would they get here. One dipshit writer claimed that he needed a gun in case his community was attacked by a mob. He’s obviously been watching too many Zombie flicks. Anyway, guns don’t work on Zombies. I’m with Steve here on his first post. As I said yesterday on AdScam, fuck the NRA. Fuck all the gun nuts. Just ‘cos it is the second amendment doesn’t mean it has to be set in stone. When it was written, slavery was still legal. Oh, I forgot, most of you gun nuts probably think it still should be… What a bunch of Wankers!!! You tell 'em Steve!

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Just let those pinko communists try and take my weapons. Fucking liberal, Democratic, draft dodgers... Oh no, that's us!