AdScam/The Horror!

Ad people are idiots... And prove it daily!

TBWA\Chiat\Day is about to launch its first campaign for Hoover… And get this, all three ads treat the Z700 vacuum as a rugged vehicle in the home and use the voiceover tagline, "The world's first sport utility vacuum." Ethnographic (Ethno what?) consumer research led to ads "that reposition vacuuming from a chore to a reward. You see how the Z700 conquers the terrain of the home," said a company SpokesIdiot! Are these people fucking serious… Just what planet do they live on? CD John Payne says, "The idea of the 'sport utility vacuum' really came from a strategic place, it can handle all these terrains." Listen Mr. CD, it’s a stinking vacuum cleaner… You use it for cleaning… Cleaning will always be a chore… A reward is something you will never get for cleaning stale Doritos out of your carpets! No wonder people in advertising are regarded as idiots.

The consumer friendly Hoover Z700 comes from a "strategic place" with a lifetime supply of radioactive Plutonium... Enjoy!

Once Grey... Always Grey!

This just in from AdAge… My comments are in italic! At a special off-site meeting of the agency’s employees this week, Grey CEO Jim Heekin outlined his plan to radically shift the operating philosophy at the agency. Oh fuck, another “radical” plan… Yawn! He’s going to elevate strategic planning and creative on a par with account management. Wow, welcome to the 21 century! Grey, is renowned for its commitment to account management with former chief hack, Ed Meyer, being viewed as the consummate suit. No, he was a fucking dinosaur, who now has half a billion dollars in his numbered Swiss bank account, but not too many years left to blow it! Strong strategic planning is crucial to an agency’s success, Mr. Heekin believes. He noted that his first two big hires were strategic planners Suresh Nair and Nat Puccio from McCann Erickson as co-directors, global strategic planning. Who have a year to make good on their outrageous salaries, or they're toast! Under the new plan, the creative and strategic planner groups will each sit together on particular floors. Account managers will be sprinkled within each group. Yeah, like pigeon droppings on a New York sidewalk. Strengthening Grey’s creative product and reputation is potentially the most difficult task of all. While Grey’s account-management reputation is strong, its creative is often criticized as lackluster. How about fucking terrible? To change that, says Grey, “We’ve got to have sounder strategy, and to be sharper in execution. We’re not laboring under any illusions. You have to prove it in the work.” Oh dear… That means the Poisoned Dwarf bought a bag of shit!

Part of the Grey "New Employee" welcome kit!

TV that "blows" your mind!

I just found an amazing TV spot from Eastern Wackovia, or somewhere, that starts of as possibly a car ad, or maybe for after shave, then rapidly becomes something else. Very strange, very funny, and certainly not something the networks would run over here. A pint of Boddingtons if you can tell me what it's actually advertising.

This is a clue!

Best creative in the world... After mine!

If you want to see the work of the best freelance team operating in the US today go here. It’s the Website of Travis Ashby and Chris Parker… Who just happens to be my son!!! And what the fuck is wrong with nepotism? These are the guys who did the amazing Qwest Christmas Commercial that you can see on my Web site… I just happened to be  the CD on it (which means I get all the credit, while they just had to make do with the $200,000 they scammed out of JWT.) We’ve worked together on and off for years… And I’ve taught them everything they know, which is why they are so fucking great!!! Go check out all the good stuff on their site. Then find a strange computer and vote for AdScam and AdHurl again. Do it now!

Chris and Travis before I gave them an image make-over!

Apple/Intel/Schmuck Update!

In my post of Jan 10^th I talked about the new Apple/Intel TV ad. It now turns out there’s a bit of a stink going on about it as it would appear to be a frame by frame copy of a Postal Service video (No, not the one Lance Armstrong used to ride for, the one that plays bad music) of their tune, “Such Great Heights.” Funny thing is, TBWA\Chiat\Day, California, did the “homage” (bare-faced rip-off) legit, as both the spot and the video were done by the same director, and no one is making any bones about the fact that the ad is a fucking "redo" of the video. Both were done by the directing team of Josh and Xander (Isn’t he Triple X in another life?) All I can say is… Mr. Clow, you’re capable of better than that! On another note, just came across a rare picture of Paul Otellini, CEO of Intel making a complete Arsehole of himself at MacWorld. (See my post of Jan 11^th.) What a dumbfuck!

Gee Steve, I thought you'd be wearing a stupid outfit as well!

Bill Gates and the butterfly effect!

If you have a memory like a steel trap, as I do. Or, I should say, as I used to have before age, drugs and drink destroyed it, you might remember how exactly two years ago “Little Billy Gates” stated "Two years from now, spam will be solved." Mmmm. Don’t think we’re quite there yet Bill! He made his prediction at the 2004 World Economic Forum in Switzerland. Now it’s Davos 2006 and Bill along with Bono, Ms Joli and a bunch of the worlds richest wankers are gathered again in the pristine Alpine air to solve the world’s problems before departing in their corporate jets… What a shame “Queen Carly” couldn’t make it this year. Although she must have been close by when she was in Zurich dropping off her $42 million Golden Parachute for fucking up what used to be a great company. Anyway, as she didn’t get the World Bank job, and she’s almost finished her book describing how she was just about to turn HP around when the ungrateful fuckers threw her out… Maybe she could tackle the spam problem. God knows I don’t need any more ads for Gay, Buddhist, Septic Tank Cleaners! Bill, send her an email. In fact send her one via that stupid MSN butterfly your stupid ad agency (McCann SF) loves to put in their stupid ads. Fuck, the only thing worse are the stupid dinosaurs they put in the Office ads!

I used to be one of Carly's bodyguards. Now I'm a Microsoft spam guard. Stay back!!!

What the Hell!!!

After returning from my three day piss-up in Great Falls, imagine my shock and horror to find that I am falling behind in the "Battle of the AdBlogs!" What's even worse is that the sites ahead of me seem to do nothing but post shit that's already run in things like Slate, Adweek, AdAge and The Plumbers Gazette. If you want sheer piss and vinegar original comments delivered in a "I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks" style. Start voting... Otherwise, I'll find out who and where you are, and I'll send The Poisoned Dwarf to take care of you!

OK... Not the Poisoned Dwarf... Someone else!!!

Georgeous gets gutted!

It's funny how everyone is kicking the shit out of the Jaguar "Gorgeous" TV campaign. Ernie Schenk hammers it in in a long post on his blog. Well when I say long, he actually takes the time to write about ten words, the other couple of thousand are a straight lift from this Seth Stevenson Slate article! But what I find pathetic is the outrage everyone seems to feel about the "sexist" nature of this campaign, which in essence is saying, "Shell out a big piece of change for a Jag and pull young chicks"... Hello, this isn't exactly a new strategy. Jesus 90% of all booze, after shave, men's hair weaving and even underwear ads have been saying this for years. Maybe, it's because some might think a venerable old brand like Jaguar should be above this kind of shit. Get over it, it's crappy advertising produced by crappy agencies for crappy clients... Nothing new there. What really pisses me off is the fact that Willem Defoe would be associated with it. He did the voice over for all my Qwest TV (see them on my Web site) and always made a big deal out of never doing "crass" advertising. Oh well, I guess money talks... Just ask Mr. Abramoff!

That's what I call gorgeous!

My aching head!

I'm writing this in my hotel at Great Falls, Montana, after two days of judging the local ADDY's. I have a hangover the size of China! These guys in Big Sky Country" really know how to party. Will post some pictures of me with the mermaids at the Sip N Dip when my head stops hurting. Lots a surprisingly good work here, all done on budgets that would make you wince in New York! You'd spend more on lunch at Pastis! Will post more when I get home.

This was me this morning!