One of my numerous spies in the world’s most fucked up business has sent me a copy of a memo every poor sod in the Lowe NY office got today… It’s from Mark Wnek, Chief Dufus of an agency that is in deep shit, and is a pathetic attempt to rally the troops. It goes on and on, so I’ll cherry pick the tasty bits with my comments in italics… If you want to see it in it’s entirety, post a comment with your email address, and I’ll send it to you…
”If you've read our so-called report card in Adweek this morning, you have, no doubt, a red D+ searing your eyes as I do. You may also not quite recognize the agency they're writing about. As is the case with much of the journalistic coverage of our agency, it seems that the writers have chosen to take every detail and twist it to paint the worst possible story.” Hey, Wnanker, The reason they pay you a shitload of money is to turn that Titanic of an agency around before it hits the iceberg. “While the report discussed things as recent as last week, somehow our win of EarthLink and our finalist status in the last 3 pitches is not included.” Earthlink is a piece of shit, even CP+B did shit work on it, and being in 3 finals means you lost out in 3 finals… No fucking cigar! “Peter, John and Fernanda as ECD's have raised our game in the quality and direction of the work - bringing us back to the creative quality historically associated with Lowe and bringing us forward into a new way of working where ideas are to be exploded across every media outlet. Serge and Greg together have changed the way we look at the strategic input to the creative process, opening our eyes to new avenues of exploration and keeping us honest with a more rigorous process. Sal in his new role as President has quickly strengthened relationships without most important clients in the US and abroad.
Alison as General Manager has analyzed our investment in talent and process to ensure that every dollar spent and every action taken is as productive to the health of the agency as possible. Tom Guerin as business director on Nokia, Ricoh and EarthLink has already made inroads in less than a month; as he gets his feet under him he will guide our account group to be best in class in the integrated space.” What the fuck was all that about? Why do people in management talk shit all the time? You’re in the communications business, stop talking like a fucking Power Point presentation… “As recently as last week when we had the global creative council meeting here in NY, every single visitor remarked on a buzz here in the NY office which they haven't ever experienced before.” Mark, baby, that wasn’t a buzz, that was the hummmm of flies settling on a big pile of shit!! 
Remember what George Orwell said... It's at the top of the blog!