Found this beauty on a site yesterday... "Someone I follow on Twitter bangs on about her only son, what a good kid he is and how he cried at the recent vigils in London. She posted a picture of him the other day. He's my coke dealer. I nearly shit myself laughing." That is funny... Very fucking funny.
Get them started young!
This week’s winner in the “You can’t make this shit up” category has to be the news that raging congressional loonie, Marjorie Taylor Greene, introduced a bill on Tuesday to award Kyle Rittenhouse the Congressional Gold Medal for "protecting the community of Kenosha, Wisconsin, during a Black Lives Matter (BLM) riot on August 25, 2020." A spokesperson for sex maniac, Matt Gaetz, who has offered Rittenhouse an internship with his office, told The Washington Post in response to Greene's bill, “We are concerned that awarding Kyle with a Congressional Gold Medal will give him a big head during the internship with our office.” Oh right, the last thing we need in the Capitol is a seventeen year old armed with an AR 15 and sporting a big head!
On a more cheerful note.... It’s T.G.I.K.M.F.
The rich have an unfortunate habit of inserting a silver plated foot in their mouths (Homage to Ann Richards there) Latest example... JP Morgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon recently made an offhand remark about China that he soon came to regret. “We hope to be there for a long time,” he said of the country during a panel event. “The Communist Party is celebrating its 100th year. So is JPMorgan. And I’ll make you a bet we last longer.” But Dimon quickly backtracked. “I was trying to emphasize the strength and longevity of our company,” he said. All this from someone who trousers $30 million a year for saying dumb things and with a net worth of $2 billion.
That about sums it up...
I find it somewhat amusing to read about how American’s are bitching and moaning about the high price of gas. Oh my, in some places it’s $5.00 a gallon. While the median nationally is $3.80. I have a suggestion... Move to Europe, preferably Norway. It’s currently just under $10.00 a gallon. With taxes taking up 75% of that. Or, you could get rid of that giant gas guzzler you currently drive and buy something more sensible. Time for a breakfast beer... Which is now cheaper than gas.
Or... You could...
A freshly opened bar in Trump Tower, New York’s ugliest building, is offering a menu of cocktails themed around Der Trumpf’s four years of Presidential fuckery. Pride of place goes to ‘Forty-Five,’ a concoction priced at a mere $45. The drink, served at the 45 Wine & Whiskey Bar, contains Wyoming whiskey, (which you can buy at retail for less than forty dollars a big bottle) demerara, and orange bitters. To top off this disgusting concoction, it’s served with a Diet Coke and a side of beef sliders. Ugh!!! I would suggest that the menu should also include “The Twofer” for the number of times he was impeached, and the “Pussy Grabber” which comes with a miniature mushroom on the cocktail stick.
You also get a free tee shirt.
In the “Who gives a fuck” category, one of the great mysteries of the universe has been finally solved thanks to the unstinting efforts of Ace reporter Lisa Lacy over at Adweek. “Why Ocean Spray intentionally labels cans of Cranberry Sauce upside down!” As you’ve obviously got nothing better to do, why not get your arse over there and find out. Yes indeed. Further proof that the ad trades are doing a wonderful job!
See!!!
Lush Cosmetics says it is pulling the plug on its social media accounts worldwide. Citing concerns about the platforms' effects on the mental health of consumers who love Lush's quirky array of lotions, potions and exploding bath bombs, the company is opting out of every Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and Snapchat account in the 48 countries where it currently operates. “I've spent all my life avoiding putting harmful ingredients in my products," says Mark Constantine, co-founder and product inventor at Lush. "There is now overwhelming evidence we are being put at risk when using social media. I'm not willing to expose my customers to this harm, so it's time to take it out of the mix." Well done Sir, very well done indeed.
Lush Balls...
As you’ve all got tons of cash sitting around, you will be getting ready to spend lots of dosh on pretentious tchotchkies form high priced vendors for Christmas and New Year presents. Here’s a suggestion... MediaPost advises us to visit... “Cartier welcomes Bling’s big season with an All-Star spot.” Apparently, Cartier is encouraging light-spirited giving with “Love is All,” a musical farce peppered with famous faces, enormous smiles and plenty of bullshit. Among the stars: Maisie (“Game of Thrones”) Williams, Willow (“Red Table Talk”) Smith, Italian actress Monica Bellucci and Lilly (“Emily in Paris”) Collins. To be honest, the only one I recognize is Monica Bellucci from when she was awesomely naked in “Le pact des loups.” The brotherhood of wolves. Well worth a watch.
Yes indeed!!!
In my humble opinion, most sponsorship deals are a giant wank. Particularly the ones involving sports. The millions paid to golfers, footballers, basketballers etc. to promote shitty goods that have no relevance to the sport are simply pissed away. Even worse are the hundreds of millions that companies will pay to a have a sports stadium named after them. The news that Staples Stadium (How many tons of office supplies did that investment shift?) Is now being re-named Crypto.com Arena makes me choke on my breakfast beer. Apparently Crypto.com paid in excess of $700 million for the twenty-year naming rights. It also recently signed sports sponsorship deals with the Ultimate Fighting Championship, Formula 1 Racing and Italy’s Serie A soccer league, as well as sports teams including the Paris St.-Germain soccer team in France and the Philadelphia 76ers. Perhaps they should take a look at how Enron imploded after paying millions for the naming rights to the Huston Astros.
Welcome to “The Crypt.”
In today’s mega-bucks sports universe, you’d better deliver, or you’ll soon be out on your neck. News today that Manchester United has sacked manager Ole Gunnar Solskjaer a day after a 4-1 defeat by recently promoted Watford left the Old Trafford club seventh in the Premier League. Mind you, he had just signed a four-year contract extension for mega-millions, and he’ll walk with about $11 million, so he won’t be joining the dole queue. Back in my youth, I remember spending many a wet Saturday afternoon at Old Trafford watching Georgie Best score hat tricks whilst still drunk, then we’d all trundle off to the “Cock and Bull” and get totally arsoled.
Ah, the good old days!
