AdScam/The Horror!

Luscious Lottie...

Ace AdScamer, “Doc,” informs us that Kates younger half-sister, 23 year old Lottie Moss, is flogging nudies and sexy videos of herself on website, glowpage.com. Shouldn’t think Kate is too upset about it, after all, she’s done plenty of totally naked pics herself over the course of her career, and as I already own the world’s largest collection of nude Kate pictures... I ain’t complaining. Perhaps I should start T.G.I.N.L.M.M. Work that one out. Clue... Today is Monday.

Wonder what she’ll look like when she grows up?

Judy... Judy... Judy...

My latest piece for MoreAboutAdvertising, is a kind of semi-obit for Judy Wald who died in New York on February 12th. She was 96. As I say at the beginning of the piece... O.K. I know that many of you will be thinking, “Who the hell is Judy Wald?” However, if, like me, you are extremely long in the tooth and suitably gnarly, you will recognize her as the archetypical headhunter of the Mad Man era. There are also a few little known facts about Jerry Della Famina. As usual, the piece is incredibly entertaining and well written... He said modestly.

Where I do most of my writing...

The end of Der Seuss...

You know when PC has become “political crazy” with the news that eBay is removing all Dr, Seuss books from the site. But you can still buy replicas of Der Trumpf’s Golden Calf statue that was the hottest item at the recent CPAC conference. ‘Cos, you have to get your priorities right... Right?

In your worst nightmare...

 

A "Fourth" Failure...

So, today is March 5^th. That’s a day after March 4^th. Meaning that Der Trumpf has been restored to the Presidency and he is now eating big Macs and drinking Diet Pepsi in the White House... Right? Sorry QWankers... Wrong. Surprise, surprise. It didn’t happen. But, not to worry, as I posted yesterday, March 4^th on the Zoroastrian calendar is actually July 17^th. My birthday. Kate will be coming over to help me celebrate.

It’s T.G.I.K.M.F.

English... Motherfucker... Do you speak it?

In my never ending rant about the abuse of the English language by today’s generation of Ad Fucktards, this beauty popped up on econsultancy.com this morning... Google is “charting a course towards a more privacy-first web” and yesterday made a significant announcement related to its plans for 2022 when its Chrome browser phases out support for third-party cookies and the cookiepocalypse becomes impossible to deny. Here are the key points marketers need to know. No thanks, I don’t need to know any of that shit.

Listen to George when he speaks!!!

Hey... It’s the 4th already...

Isn’t this the day that Der Trumpf was going to become President again? QAnon’s bizarre logic tells us that Der Obergropenfuhrer is engaged in a Godly war against a powerful, secretive cabal of baby-eating pedophiles who control Hollywood, non-Fox news outlets, the Democratic Party, non-Trump-supporting factions of the Republican Party, and many foreign governments. But not to worry, everything, even his thundering loss to Biden — is part of a long-running plan that will end with mass arrests and executions of Democrats, journalists, and Hollywood figures. The date for such a putsch, known in QAnon parlance as “the storm,” has shifted numerous times, most recently to March 4. Well, here we are on March 4^th, and fuck all has happened. But, not to worry, March 4^th on the Zoroastrian calendar is actually July 17^th. My birthday. So, watch the fuck out.

You can still send presents. He said modestly...

The “Shaq-Attack” begins...

Shaquille O’Neal is partnering with ad vet, Omid Farhang, to launch Majority, an independent, creative marketing agency based in Atlanta. We are told that Shaq's role is designed to be “wide-ranging.” CEO, Farhang (With a name like that, he must have had the piss taken many times in school) says he will help open doors, connect dots, create opportunities, celebrate successes, and advance the overall agenda of the agency wherever possible.” Couldn’t they just take space in an office block that already has a doorman? On a final note, we are told that inaugural clients include “goPuff,” an on-demand delivery app. With a name like that, I’ll give you one guess what they are delivering. Probably in unmarked brown envelopes.

I just lovvvvve goPuff...

Big ain’t better...

MediaPost tells us that Denver-based agency network, Worldwide Partners, has added several new partners to its global consortium, including UK-based Lawton Communications Group. The network, which is owned by the participating agencies, now has over 70 shops in 40 countries. We are told that the reason for this pandemic conglomerate of never-heard-of, minor agencies is that “It offers clients collaborative services from its member agencies, providing greater scale for both sides and positions itself as a nimbler alternative to traditional ad holding companies.” Oh yes indeed, you never know when you’ll need help finding innovative media alternatives capable of reaching massage parlor customers in Tonga Bonga.

Music, perhaps?

MDC growth bollocks...

Just as I like to take the piss out of BDHC “Wannabe” MDC, so does my mate Stephen Foster over at MoreAboutAdvertising. As he points out today, their numbers are drowning in red ink, having lost $237 million in Q4 and $243 for the full year. Which was conveniently blamed on a massive impairment charge. However, in true holding company faggatry speech, CEO, Mark Penn assures us that he is anticipating organic growth of between seven and nine percent. Sure Mark... But only if you repossess all of Miles’s race cars and yachts.  

Organic growth snake oil...

If the shoe fits...

As I have pointed out many times in the past, Nike is one of the more dubious mega-companies that continues to pull in the big bucks. Always willing to sponsor sex maniacs, maid rapists, drug addicts and dog killers, now there’s news that a senior Nike executive has resigned after Bloomberg published an article about her 19 year old son, the owner of sneaker resale company, West Coast Streetware, who it was hinted was receiving inside information from “Mum.” The funny thing is that the million dollar business was started by the son in 2018. That would make him barely 16. Isn’t capitalism great? Particularly when you have family contacts in high places.

Introducing, Nike Clown-Fuckers...