AdScam/The Horror!

Grazie Mille!

With the price of houses continuing to go through the roof (The house I bought in London for $20,000 in 1972 recently sold for $2,000,000) You might be interested in buying a place in Italy for ONE DOLLAR! Yes, the town of Sambuca, in Sicily, is offering these 'cos all the young uns are skipping town to work for the Mafia. You have to promise you'll spend a few thousands on refurbishment, but you get to keep the house. Wonder if you also get a life's supply of Sambuca liquor? That's the one you set fire to before drinking. But you need asbestos lips.

It also tastes like battery acid.

Fuck it... It's alcohol. Make mine a double.

Haven't you got a bigger glass?

He doesn't know it, it's on the little fuckers tab. (click on it)

 

No Dicks for Davos!

How tragic that Team Der Trumpf' planned jaunt to Davos, Switzerland, for the World Economic Forum for multi-billionaire fucktards has been cancelled. Trump blames it on Nancy's refusal to cough up billions for his bead curtain. Surely, Obama and Hillary must also share the blame. Anyway, not to worry, there's no doubt that the Poisoned Dwarf will be in attendance. He's been going since William Tell shot that apple off the little wankers head. As far as representing the US is concerned, Ivanka is too busy finagling  the leadership of the World Bank, and Jared can't take a break from bringing peace to the Middle East. Don't worry, Der Gropenfuehrer has a plan to MSGA (Make Switzerland Great Again.)

Here in Davos, Fido is my Javanka. Check out the hat!

Macho Up!

With all the fuss, praise, rage and general bollocks about the Gillette #MeToo ad on the subject of "Toxic Masculinity," you should get your macho arse over to this piece in The Guardian. "Move aside Gillette: Four products to rile their masculinity." My favorite is "A Fitbit-style monitor that buzzes if you talk over a woman." I'm sending one to Der Trumpf. Right now.

Grabbing their pussy usually shuts them up.

 

Don't have a cow!

In the interests of bringing you all the really important news, did you see that an escaped rodeo cow in Anchorage, Alaska, has been on the run for six months? Betsy, a wily 3-year-old, has dodged all her owner’s efforts, according to multiple reports. Those efforts include enlisting the local bike community, foot searches in the rain, leaving out barrels of hay and salt blocks for her to find, and even having police try to track her with drones. Nothing has worked. This is one smart fucking cow. Good luck to you Betsy.

Is she on the roof?

Is she in Africa?

Is she a Mistress of Disguises?

 

An important question.

Why is Der Trumpf ALWAYS wearing a fucking overcoat. Even indoors at the Clemson burger feast?

Don't forget the rental on my candelabra!

Use on face before getting punched!

Apparently, Olay will be running a spot in the first quarter of the Super Bowl. This will be aimed at the millions of women who watch this agonizingly long festival of unsportsmanlike behavior. Maybe they want to watch all these gorillas beating each other up, rather than their wives and girl friends in domestic violence incidents. I used to work on "Oil of Ulay" as it was then called, back in London before you were all born, and long before P&G bought and renamed it. The interesting thing is, it was invented in South Africa by an explosives chemist back in the fifties. It has since achieved "explosive" growth... Groan!

No... Not me!

 

Toyota Titillates!

I've written in the past about the insanity of blowing millions on logo re-designs that no one gives a fuck about. Latest example is the new Toyota Supra one. We are told by a SpokesNozzle that the 2020 Supra emblem typeface was made from scratch "and the new "S" is based on a turn at Nurbugring." Oh, well that makes sense and is worth a few billion yen of anyone's money. What a crock of shit.

Before and after. Whaaa?

Oh yes... Oh yes... (Click on it)

Presidents fast food farrago!

Did you see that Der Trumpf invited the Clemson football team to the White House for a "gourmet feast" to celebrate their recent win of the national championship? Yes, Wendy's and McDonalds burgers with fries and Domino's cardboard pizzas. Spokeswoman Sarah Huckabee Sanders said much of the staff in the White House residence has been furloughed because of the shutdown, "so the president is personally paying for the event (must have cost him at least one hundred dollars) to be catered with some of everyone's favorite fast foods." Rumor has it that when Melania was invited to attend, she replied..."What... Are you fucking crazy?"

This cost me a fortune. My hooker fund is empty.

Got money to burn?

If you missed the Poisoned Dwarfs speech last week at CES, the one where he told the besotted audience that holding companies are a bad idea, particularly after you've been canned from running the world's biggest one after trousering $100 million a year whilst doing naughties on the company tab in Shepherds Market... Don't worry, you can sign up for the IAB Annual Leadership Meeting in Phoenix next month, Cos His Gnomeship is delivering a keynote speech... A view from the top of the (r)evolution." Whatever the fuck that means. Still, I'm sure it will be worth every penny of the Four Thousand Fucking Dollar registration fee.

I wouldn't pay $4K for Shepherds Market's best.

Ain't technology great?

So, CES is over. The out of town hookers have gone back to wherever, leaving the Vegas ladies to ply their trade to the usual punters. As usual, the tech press is drooling over a list of ridiculous products that will probably never see the light of day. Including the Kohler Talking Toilet, version 2, that was actually launched as version 1, at CES 2018, and never saw the light of day. Looking forward to version 3 next year. This year there is a device that helps incontinent douchenozzles know when they are peeing in their pants... Bit too late then, don't you think? There was also a bread baking bot for several hundreds of dollars for people too fucking idle to go out and buy a loaf. And, with the launch of "Ose," have we finally arrived at the atomic powered dildo?

A Very Non-Trumpian Mushroom.