AdScam/The Horror!

Dastardly Data!

Ace AdScamer, "Whacked Paddy," sent me a link to a story that he thought I might like about how all the so-called data proving the effectiveness of digital advertising is a giant fucking con game.  "The new dot com bubble is here: It's called online advertising."  As "Whacked Paddy" says... Yeah, it's long and all about math and stuff - but that's the good part. All the BS about data being most important is truly that - BS.  Advertisers spend a lot of money on paid search for traffic they would have got for free, 'cos these potential customers are already interested.  What piqued the interest?  Likely good ol' fashioned broadcast and print ads that got the folks to sit down at a computer or a phone to search. If like me you believe the once great ad biz has been turned into a data dumpster, you must read this article, it's fucking great.

See... Everything explained!

How's that Nobel Prize coming along then?

In the same week that President Erdogan told Der Trumpf to shove his lousy letter up his arse, Der Obergropenfuhrer hinted on Sunday at a possible meeting with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, tweeting to the leader he addressed as “Mr. Chairman” that he would “see you soon!” But hours later, North Korean state media responded with a fuck you message: "We don’t want a meeting if we don’t get anything from it." This after the US and South Korea cancelled planned military exercises. Maybe it's time to bring in ace negotiator, Jared, if he can take time off from creating his Middle East "Master Plan." with his best mate, Sheik Bone Saw.

Send Ivanka. She'll get the "Noble Prize."

Just don't tell Dad.

To Trump... To Fart... That is the question!

As I have posted in the past, in Britain Trump is the colloquial term for fart. Or, as the dictionary defines it... "trump:" Verb (Informal) To break wind from the anus. What I didn't know is that "Trump" is a highly derogatory word in so many languages. Check out the list here. My favorite is... Hindi: Trumpatel is a verb in India’s primary language and means “to continuously trumpet one’s vast wealth, long after anyone cares.” Usage: “His entire organization trumpateled his many billions, but without tax returns, there was no proof.” Mmmm, It may be satire... But it sounds so perfectly true.

Get one today...

Fuck trains... Let's do rockets

Sir Richard Branson, one of the biggest wankers on the face of the planet, has once again opened his gob and inserted his "plates of meat." This time by tweeting a picture full of white people to announce a Virgin South African "diversity" project, in a country that is 81% black. 12% Indian, and just 7.8% white... And these are the fuckers that invented apartheid and locked up Nelson Mandela for thirty years. Meanwhile, back in Britain, Virgin Rail is about to disappear, cos they are fucking around with their employees' pension fund.  Fuck it... Sir Richard needs to concentrate on his new hot air balloon.

Is that white enough for you?

American politics explained!

In case you are wondering why Der Trumpf got his arse kicked in the Louisiana Governor reelection last weekend... The answer is simple... It's because the LSU football team beat Alabama the week before. If you can figure this shit out, please help me... 'Cos like everything else regarding the OberGruppenFuhrer, it's a complete fucking mystery to me.

Dr Trumpf voters celebrate.

Poisoned Dwarf throws hissy fit!

Did you see that whilst attending a conference in Lisbon (As I never get fed up of repeating... Does this guy ever go into the office/) we are told that Sorrell completely lost it and was involved in an explosive confrontation last week in which he is alleged to have slapped the face of one of his old WPP protégés. Lawyers from WPP wrote to complain about the dust up, marking a new low in Sir Martin’s relationship with the evil empire he built over three decades. Two witnesses have spoken of a heated incident last Thursday morning in the speakers’ room of the Web Summit in Lisbon, which involved Sir Martin and Jim Prior, the head of WPP’s Superunion brand agency network. Perhaps His Gnomeship should re-visit Shepherd Market for a bit of "Therapy."

If you can't reach the doorbell.

Krap from Kudlow!

You will be thrilled to hear that a China Trade Deal is "close." How do I know this? Because yesterday we were told so by Der Trumpf's economic adviser Larry Kudlow. All I can say is if you believe that, then based on his track record you might as well blow your brains out. This is the guy who defended "trickle down" economics when he worked for Reagan, declared the economy as bomb proof two days before it collapsed in 2008 when he worked for "Wubbya" And back in his Bear Stearns days had to enter rehab twice 'cos of his alcohol and $10 K a day coke habit. Even The Wizened of Oz's London Times once ran a piece... "Trump names cocaine addict pundit Larry Kudlow..." If Murdoch prints stuff like that, you are in deep shit. And if you believe a word he says, you are a fucktard. Check out this video from August of Larry obviously drunk on Fox News. Man... Rehab number three coming up?

Worse than a fucktard... You're a douchenozzle.

Shooting self in foot 101...

My good friend and old work mate, Marino Gallo, points us in the direction of even more proof that the Der Trumpf Dynasty continues to shoot itself in the foot. This time with  CNN's report that the sales pitch for Trump's Washington DC hotel (The Palace of Glitz) boasts of the millions to be made by flogging overpriced rooms to foreign governments. In other words The hotel's biggest selling point, according to a copy of a glossy investor brochure seen by CNN, is the one thing that the Trump family insists it didn't take advantage of: Profiting off foreign governments. Truly, in the you can't make this shit up category, these guys take gold.

Gold is good...

In the wanker category, I'd even say platinum.

Super Bowl Sucka-Boola!

Even though the Super Bowl XXXLLIILLLXXXLLI whatever, is still nearly three months away, the bull shit is already starting to cascade down in the ad trades. We are told that, surprise, surprise, Budweiser will be spending multi millions on promoting their nuns piss. Obviously, the Clydesdales will be prancing as poseurs celebrate with the world's worst beer at multi-ethnic parties. Avocados from Mexico will be there for the millionth time, even though Der Trumpf's wall has not inhibited their importation. As the per 30 second spot price tag continues to go over the $5 million level and there will be no surprises, cos they will have run for weeks on social media prior to the actual game, am I the only one who thinks it's all a giant wank?

Yeah... Fucking right.

And don't get me started on the fans....

Ad blocking for blockheads!

I use an ad blocker, not because I am against advertising... Fuck, I've made a very good living from it for a very long time... No, it's because in today's digital world some sites have just become ridiculous. Reasonable ones will carry up to a dozen ads a page. Others go to the other extreme. The worst culprit is "USA Today." They carry an average of forty five fucking ads on every page. That's ridiculous. By the way, I pay for digital subscriptions for five news sites... So, I'm not being stingy. 'Cos, as you all well know, I am a fucking prince.

Not to mention "Sexy."