AdScam/The Horror!

Ivanka’s Odyssey!

You will be thrilled shitless to hear that Ivanka is doing her best to get us through the Mexican Beer Virus pandemic. She is encouraging us to “Plan a living room camp out,” for the kids. While working from her multi-million-dollar home in a ritzy enclave of Washington, she’s probably got lots of spare rooms big enough to pitch a circus sized tent. Ivanka also tells us she is not wasting her time “So I've got a Coursera free course going in Greek and Roman mythology so I'm rereading ‘The Odyssey,’ and I’ve started to learn to play the guitar and I’m really working on it.” Here’s a hint Ivanka, why not put on your diamond encrusted mask and go and help out in a food pantry?

Couldn't the maid find a gold tent? 

 

Nuns Piss Panic!

Remember how I posted a few days ago that surprisingly sales of Corona Beer had gone up thirty odd percent, in spite of Corona being an integral part of the Mexican Beer Virus name? Now, even stranger, we read that Grupo Modelo, the company that makes Corona has stated that it's halting production and marketing of its beer because the Mexican government has shuttered non-essential businesses. Consequently, parent company Anheuser-Busch has furloughed all the Nuns!

We’re fucked!

A life no longer on the ocean waves!

Take a look at this video of the crew of the USS Theodore Roosevelt saying goodbye to their captain, Brett Crozier as he left the ship after being fired by the Arse-Wipe, Trump Secretary of the Navy, Thomas Modly. Read more about it here. Good for the crew, and good for the Captain who was more concerned about their safety than Der Trumpf’s fucking numbers.

Next up… Captain Ivanka?

Less gravy for a wanker!

My heart bled when I read the following (Sarcasm alert.) Today it was announced that WeWork founder and ace douchenozzle, Adam Neumann is losing a key part of his former company's humungous golden parachute bailout from SoftBank. Specifically, SoftBank announced it is no longer injecting $3 billion into the collapsing shared office space farago. Of that $3 billion, a little less than $1 billion was set to go straight to Neuman personally. With today's news, The fucktard has officially lost his billionaire status. Sob, sob. His net worth now stands at a mere $400 million. And while that may sound like a lot, it might not feel so great for a guy who is likely about to face a number of employee and investor lawsuits… and whose personal net worth at one time peaked at $14 billion. Perhaps there is some justice after all!

On an even cheerier note… It’s still Friday.

Somber words from a sour old fart!

Loyal AdScamer’s are well aware that I have been saying that the ad biz is fucked for years. Now, I am beginning to think that it may be fucked forever. Yes, when the Mexican Beer Virus eventually goes away (If ever) the ad biz will return, it is after all, the world’s second oldest profession and is strikingly similar to the first. However, when it comes back, it will be a poor reflection of what it once was, and the many thousands who have been laid off or furloughed, will never be re-hired. You just know the BDHC’s (Big Dumb Holding Company’s) will strip everything to the bone, whilst the BDC’s (Big Dumb Clients) will be decimating budgets. Caught in the middle, the BDA’s (Big Dumb Agency’s) will talk shit about how they are creating the “Agency of the Future” thanks to robotics and bullshit. That’s why I groaned when I read the piece in AdWeek titled “For April Fools Day, AdWeek surprised rising ad talents with unexpectedly VIP Zoom calls.” Firstly, that smacks of a desperate attempt at “Feel Goodly” journalism. Plus, if and when the economy feebly recovers, the majority of those rising stars will probably be super sizing fries at MacDonald’s.

However. On a cheerier note… It’s Friday.

Wall Street Wankers!

AdScamer’s know that I never grow tired of homaging William Goldman with my “No one on Wall Street knows fuck all about fuck all,” rant. Further proof today when it was announced that more than six million people have signed on for unemployment benefits, to be followed within minutes by the clowns on Wall Street driving the Dow UP by well over three hundred points. That makes as much sense as all the other shit happening in America, not to mention the rest of the world.

Advice to Wall Street.

A life on the ocean virus!

Sticking with the overflowing “You can’t make this shit up” category, did you see the news that despite the Mexican Beer Virus outbreaks, cruise ship bookings for 2021 are up! Yes, despite all the deaths and infections reported on cruise ships over the last few months, bookings for next year are fucking up.

To repeat what we say up North!

Beer, beer, inglorious beer!

Once again, the “You can’t make this shit up” category is rapidly filling. The latest weirdness? As you know, I refer to the Coronavirus as “The Mexican Beer Virus” ‘cos any beer you have to stick a piece of lime in the neck of the bottle before imbibing, I will not consider a true beer. OK, it’s not Nuns Piss, but it’s not fucking beer. Anyway, the point of this first rant of the day… Sales of Corona are up! As Ad Age’s Jack Neff reports, “Nielsen data from Credit Suisse found sales for Constellation Brands, owner of Corona, are up 39 percent for the most recent week, led by the Corona family, up 50 percent.” As for why, "apparently, Corona is proving a popular choice at Zoom happy hours," writes Neff. As we used to say up North…

There’s nowt so queer as folk!

The “Goat Gang” is in town!

One species is doing well thanks to the Mexican Beer Virus. That would be the goats who live on the Great Orme above Llandudno in North Wales. Normally, they steer clear of the town, but ‘cos everyone is staying in during the lock down, the goats have taken over the town and are feasting on everyone’s gardens and their precious flower beds. Clever buggar’s. And by the looks of their giant gnarly horns, you would be well advised not to mess with them.

Yum… Yum…

Marketing will save us… Yeah… Right!

I haven’t been posting much about the ad biz recently, for obvious reasons. Even so, the ad trades continue to pump out bullshit about how the Mexican Beer Virus will temporarily damage the future of advertising, then all will be great again. Listen you bozo’s, it’ll kill it for the near future. The layoffs will be massive, and most will never get re-hired. Summing up the stupidity was this headline in Britain’s MarketingWeek… “Brands should take opportunity ‘to shine’ as lockdown takes toll on consumer confidence.” It is a few hundred words of absolute bullshit written by someone talking through their arse.

See what I mean?