AdScam/The Horror!

Not guilty my arse...

Publicis Groupe Healthcare Division is looking at the possibility of coughing up hundreds of millions of dollars in damages as Massachusetts alleges the agency group designed and deployed “unfair and deceptive marketing schemes” to help Purdue Pharma sell the highly addictive opioid OxyContin. Publicis Health issued a typical bullshit statement saying the suit was “completely without basis.” Here are some of the laughable bits... “All of our work was completely lawful. Publicis Health acted solely as an advertising agency. It was not a drug manufacturer, distributor, or consultant. Our role was limited to implementing Purdue’s advertising plan and buying media space.” Which in actuality, supports the statement David Ogilvy once said to me... “Advertising is all about selling.” Therefore... Publicis... Guilty as charged.

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition...

Panda alert...

Did you see that the “Cyber Ninjas” in charge of Arizona’s one hundredth election audit is now looking for bamboo-laced “China Ballots?” On Wednesday, a member of the Arizona election audit team that has been heavily touted by Der Trumpf, revealed that its examination of the 2020 vote in Maricopa County will include a “forensic” analysis of ballots to determine if the paper is made of bamboo—in order to determine whether or not China delivered tens of thousands of fraudulent ballots to tip the state to Joe Biden. Yes, once again, you can’t make this shit up. It is really happening.

Smalls like bamboo to me... (Click on it)

More hands on deck...

There is no better illustration of how the ad biz is rapidly approaching the shoals of ridiculousness than in this piece over at MediaPost... “WPP’s Ad, Content Production Heads to the Cloud.” We are told that developed on Microsoft’s cloud platform Azure, it allows creative teams across WPP’s global network to produce campaigns for clients from anywhere remotely. Longer term, WPP plans to expand the platform more broadly, with a potential deployment of up to 25,000 users. Listen guys, if you need 25,000 creatives to develop the work, you are definitely doing something wrong.

How about a couple of dozen robots?

Surprise... Facebook does the right thing...

I was delighted to read just a couple of minutes ago that Facebook’s “Oversight Board” has upheld the company’s suspension of Der Trumpf indefinitely. I shall eat humble pie and congratulate ZuckerNozzle for doing the right thing. I must also confess, I fully expected them to reinstate Der Obergropenfuhrer, cos it’s usually just about the dollars. If they did, I was going to unlink AdScam with Facebook, but now I shall stay, even if I can’t feature Kate’s naked tits.  

Just wait ‘till Friday...

His Gnomeship counts his lolly...

Over at MoreAboutAdvertising, my good mate, Stephen Foster, tells us that Sorrell’s new “Dark Star” behemoth, S4 Capitol, charges on, reporting first quarter 2021 revenue up 71% to £122 million, up 35% like-for-like, with gross profit up 71% to £104 million, up 33% like-for-like. As I commented on the piece... I wonder how much “The Poisoned Dwarf” will trouser this coming year. Still, compared to Elon Musk, who is set to make 32 BILLION in Tesla stock… It’s peanuts. That’s why he needs the millions he claims WPP still owes him. Don’t these geezers ever have enough?

Obviously, the answer is no...

 

The rich split... Again!!!

With the news that Bill and Belinda Gates are divorcing after 27 years of marriage, because, as they put it, “We no longer believe we can grow together as a couple,” you have to wonder what the fuck is wrong with these billionaires? First Jeff Bezos and his wife, not to mention that Elon “The Technoking of Tesla” Musk has been married three times, now the Microsoft moguls are calling it a day. Perhaps they need to appoint a “Marriageking” to sort their shitty lives out. Having been married for 63 years, I could do it for a few of their spare billions.

Maybe the solution is booze?

More gravy, your highness?

Did you see that Tesla CEO Elon Musk, the “Technoking of Tesla,” has a unique compensation package that seems to be paying off for him once again? Musk is now eligible to collect $32 billion (Yes, that’s 32 fucking BILLION dollars) in Tesla shares because the company has met about half of the targets in Musk's 2018 pay agreement. Mind you, Tesla hasn’t shown a profit since it started, and is, in fact, slashing production targets for its German factory by half. Apparently, it doesn’t meet German environmental standards (Funny,iIt's supposedly an environmentally friendly car) and pays its workers less than minimum wages. Gotta keep those Technoking dollars flowing.

It’s nice to be King...

Kanye’s Krap at Walmart?

In AdScam’s never ceasing endeavor to bring you the really important news of the day. Did you see that Walmart is very pissed at soon to be divorced, “I am Jesus” Kayne West, about his new logo design, claiming it looks too similar to their 13-year-old version. The giant retailer, based in Bentonville, Arkansas, (I’ve been there once. There are more churches than people.) lodged an objection with the US Patent and Trademark Office against West’s logo for his Yeezy LLC. Walmart, says that it looks similar to their own logo, however, instead of dots, their “rays” are yellow lines, instead of dots. In fact, both logos are shit, along with all the shitty products both companies sell. According to Walmart, Yeezy’s logo will lead to “confusion” and a “false suggestion of a connection” between the two companies. Daya really think the average Walmart shopper can afford thousand dollar sneakers.

No, but I could use a pair of pants...

Maria mouths off... Again...

Fox News host, Maria Bartiromo, says that China is secretly sending doctors and engineers over the US-Mexico border. Fox’s number two Trump arse kisser (Hannity is obviously number one) states... “You have to ask, why the CCP is sending these people through the border, and what are they doing when the get here?” Obviously, because this is Fox, she doesn’t supply a shred of evidence to back up her nutty claim.

A truly believable team!!!

 

Elon for laughs?

So, are you all looking forward to the next Saturday Night Live, the one that will be hosted by uber billionaire, Elon Musk? Based on the track record of previous non-performers in the role, it’s probably going to be a bit of a flop. Politicians, Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani and athletes Lance Armstrong, Michael Phelps, have all bombed. Still, when you’re the second richest person on the planet, he probably doesn’t give a fuck. He can always launch another dummy driven Tesla into space. It’s somewhat safer than sitting in the back seat of a driverless version on a California freeway.

The traffic on I-5 is just greeeeaaat...