AdScam/The Horror!

Woke Free for Wankers.

As further proof that half of America is totally fucking nuts, news just out that “Ultra Right Beer has achieved record breaking sales from cans bearing Der Trumpf’s ugly mugshot.” Claiming to be “100% woke-free" this doubtless shitty beer describes itself as a conservative beverage launched after Bud Light’s disastrous tie-up with Dylan Mulvaney. Ultra Rights founder, Seth Weathers, better known online as “Conservative Dad,” predicts that sales of the Trump-themed beer can top $2 million by the time it goes off the market at midnight on Sunday. Selling at an outrageous 25$ for a six-pack. Plus shipping!!! I wonder how big a cut Der Obergropenfhurer is getting.

Fuck the trailer park rent. Get some Nuns Piss Beer. 

Twitter (“X”) going tits up for real?

You have to feel a bit sorry for X’s newly anointed CEO Linda Yaccarino who is now being faced with the gargantuan task of picking up the pieces of this non-stop shambles. As the Financial Times reports, Yaccarino, who joined the flailing platform in June, is meeting with bankers to reassure them the "flaming dumpster" that is X won't continue bleeding them dry. "She has to get him out," a banker at one of X's lenders told the newspaper, referring to Musk. "They need ad dollars to come back." Good luck with that. Hopefully, she has a monster golden parachute for when it implodes.  

Welcome to “X” 

 

Yes... It’s T.G.I.K.M.F.

Pop open a pre-breakfast, breakfast beer and enjoy.  

Anyone for tennis?

Guess whats in the milk?

  

 

Surprise... Surprise...

There’s a rather good article by Kaila Colbin over at MediaPost... “The surprising emotion at the heart of great ads.” In it she points out that surprise is what lets us notice the quality ad among the thousands of bullshit ads clamoring for our attention. It’s the signal against the noise. We’re hard-wired for it: In order to survive, we’ve had to be attuned to the unexpected. She also quotes Alex M H Smith, the author of ”No Bullshit Strategy,” who says there are really only two effective business strategies: weirding the normal, or normalizing the weird. Both of these are about surprise. Read the article, well worth while.  

How about surprise? 

 

Seemingly Bullshit.

I never cease to be amazed at the dumbness of the buying public and the alacrity with which brands will jump on to the latest ditzy news that some celebrity has become associated with their product. That worked well for Bud Light. Didn’t it? The latest example is summed up by this headline in USA Today... “Heinz announces new product after Taylor Swift condiment choice goes viral at Chiefs game.” Apparently, Heinz has announced that it will sell a limited number of Ketchup and Seemingly Ranch bottles after Taylor Swift's appearance at Sunday's game went viral on social media. She was seen smearing this shit all over a plate of chicken strips. I have just one question... What the fuck is “Seemingly Ranch? Is it fake ranch which is already fake mayonnaise. Does it have extra carcinogenic chemicals. Will it kill you? 

Oh... OK... Now I get it. 

A billion here... A billion there!

So, Der Trumpf has finally had his balls handed to him on a rusty old plate after the New York judge's ruling that he has committed multiple instances of fraud for years by over valuing the worth of his gaudy gold properties. You would think he would now have the tiny little orange brains to shut his gob for a bit... No way!!! Der ObergropenFuhrer and his idiot sons are still insisting that Mar-A-Lago, his Florida castle of bad taste is worth more than one and a half billion dollars. This is in spite of an appraisal by the Palm Beach County Assessor, which found the market value of the 17.5-acre property between 2011 and 2021 between $18 million and $27.6 million. This from a guy who has filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy six times. Three of which were for his Atlantic City casinos. You can’t make this shit up. 

For sure! 

I’ll drink to that... Actually, to tell the truth, I’ll drink to anything.

As further proof that every ad out there these days has to feature a pop star, film actor, sports ace and various other big-name wankers, who are simply doing it for the big bucks. Today, MediaPost tells us that as part of the SKYY Infusions Espresso launch, the vodka brand has partnered with supermodel and entrepreneur Winne Harlow, who calls the espresso martini her "go-to cocktail." I have no fucking idea who Winnie is, even though we are assured that she is "one of the most recognized faces on the international fashion scene." We are also told that Skyy was the first vodka that pioneered proprietary quadruple-column distillation and triple-filtering processes. That’s a load of old bollocks. When I worked on Smirnoff at Benton & Bowles during my Mad Man days in the sixties. Below is an ad I did about how it was filtered through a 14,000 lb. mountain of activated charcoal... The research I did to produce this masterpiece required many three martini lunches.  

Sometimes, it was four...  

Your wet dreams are over...

You will be thrilled shitless to hear that the new Lamborghini Lanzador electric cars are now available. Yes, for a measly few hundred thousand dollars, you can be the first on your block to have the car you deserve. The perfect transport for your $1,500 Apple iPhone as you pop off to Harrods to pick up a bucket of Beluga caviar. Who says the glorious Mad Man days are over? 

Mine comes with a chauffeur!!!  

Murdoch continues trousering bigly...

As a follow up to all the furor about the false retirement of the “Wizened of Oz,” news just out that “Rupe” and his fascist son, Lachlan, received $22.9 million and $21.7 million in compensation packages from Fox Corp. in the fiscal year that ended June 30, 2023. No wonder he can afford wife number twelve. Wonder why no one remembers one of his great business decisions... When he bought Myspace for $630 million, ran it into the ground, then sold it a few years later for a pathetic $30 million. Talk about Elon Musk DeJa'Vu!!! 

Marry Murdoch... Make millions...

Obviously, Kanye is Kracker's...

Kanye West, or “Y” as he now prefers, and his huge breasted unofficial wife, Bianca Censori (What the fuck is an “unofficial wife?) continue to shock and amaze his cretinous followers as they vacation in Italy. She wears see-though outfits that leave little to the imagination. He wears items from his dreadful clothing line that look as if they are made out of World War II barrage balloon material. Never forget that this is the douchenozzle who ran for the Presidency a few years ago.  

See what I mean?