AdScam/The Horror!

The continuing cascade of celebs...

Following on from my post of yesterday about Kate becoming the “Creative Director” of Diet Coke. That being the shit you enjoy through a straw, rather than a rolled $100 bill up your nose... News just in that Lindsay Lohan is now the spokesperson for Allbirds new running shoe, the Tree Flyer. You will be thrilled shitless to hear that the Tree Flyer is the first to use Allbirds’ SwiftFoam foaming process, which utilizes castor bean oil-based resin to create a sustainable but still supportive running shoe. So, do you smoke the shit or sniff it?

You fucking smoke it...

Sorrell sops ‘em up...

The Poisoned Dwarf continues feeding his insatiable acquisition habit. News just in that Martin Sorrell-led S4 Capital has announced its latest M&A deal: an agreement to combine social media and influencer marketing agency XX Artists with S4’s content company Media.Monks. This makes about 30 companies His Gnomeship has scooped up since founding S4 Capital in 2018. Mind you, he’ll need to get a move on to equal or better his record at WPP. During his 30 years at the helm, he acquired more than 600 companies. Most of which eventually disappeared after the principals had cashed out.

All except this one...

 

Celeb Cock Ups...

The big news today is that Ace AdScamer Lisa, she of the infallible KateDar, points us in the direction of the news that Kate Moss is now the “Creative Director” od Diet Coke. Yes indeed. Makes a change from the coke she used to stuff up her nose. I never ceased to be amazed at the big bucks’ companies will shell out for celebrities to take on some fake title. Reminds me of the time when Blackberry hired Alicia Keys as their “Brand ambassador,” and the day after the big event in NYC, she was caught tweeting from (wait for it) her iPhone! Blackberry soon went out of business. Also, when Will.I.AM was appointed as Intel’s “Global Director of Creative Innovation,” Then took time off from designing logos (Possibly the world’s most embarrassing video) to shoot a really, really fucking bad video for Lexus, which tells you absolutely nothing about the car, but shows Will.I.AM moon dancing and striking stupid poses in ridiculous outfits. The main attribute for Kates new mega-deal is that apparently, her lipstick will match the color of the Coke can. Tough to get that up your nose.

No diet here!!!

Crypto Collapse...

Oh, Oh, in another bad sign for the future of crypto currency, ZuckerNozzle has pulled the plug on their Metaverse digital payments project. With most crypto currencies down by 72% since last year’s highs, the future looks dismal for what was once the Rage du Jour. But surely digital currencies, along with NFT’s and other virtual bullshit are an integral part of the Metaverse? How the fuck are you going to pay for dressing your Avatar in non-fungible super-hero costumes?

Where the fuck is my new cloak?

 

Second amendment bullshit.

News from Chicago that fifty-five people have been shot, seven fatally, in Chicago as the extended Fourth of July weekend continues. Those shot include a 10-year-old boy who was inside his home when he was shot three times. And, it aint over yet. We still have twelve hours to go. Boy, as I never stop asking the question. Is this country fucked, or what?

Ridiculous!!!

Happy Fourth...

Yes, here in the U S of A, it’s the day when they celebrate kicking out the Brits so they could spend the next two hundred and fifty years concentrating on fucking up what used to be a nice place. As I have written previously, the fascist Supreme Court has speeded up the process with a series of disastrous decisions. Still, over the pond, Boris is doing a comparable effort with the same negative results. If you haven’t read it, here’s my piece on MoreAboutAdvertising explaining how everything is totally fucked. Time for my breakfast beer. Cheers!!!

'Nuff Said... 

It’s messy in the Metaverse...

On Thursday ZuckerNozzle told Facebook employees that he will be turning up the heat to weed out underperformers, and if they might decide this place isn’t for you, that’s OK with me. A recent memo outlined the ways Meta planned to trim its losses. Meta has already lost around half of its market value this year alone, a trend that worsened in February after Meta reported it had lost daily active users on Facebook for the first time ever in the last quarter of 2021. Way to go Zuck Baby. Do you take all your millions in Digi Coins? Nah... You ain’t that stupid.

And don’t forget to stock up on NFT’s.

I didn’t forget...

Even though my brain is turning to porridge. It’s T.G.I.K.M.F.

Enjoy!!!

Beer... Beer... Glorious Beer.

Over the last few summers, Pabst Blue Ribbon has done a pretty good job of capturing the public’s attention. They haven't done it with expensive ad campaigns or dumb arsed celebrity endorsements; instead, they’ve given boozers what they want, more beer. They first released a 99-pack in 2019, every year since they have upped the ante. idea of going bigger has seemed to become infused into Pabst's summer schedule. Last year they dropped five Independence Day-themed 1776-packs to selected partners that they claimed was the biggest beer package ever. This year, just in time for the 4^th, they’ve released an 1844-pack, (That’s the year Pabst was founded.) At least it’s not Nuns Piss... Dilly fucking Dilly!!!

I’ll drink to that...

Bring back the “Three B’s.

I see that Old Spice is launching a campaign in partnership with Arby’s to combat “Meat Sweats” whatever the fuck that is. Makes change from when I used to work on it back in London. Everything then was based on the Three B’s Principle. That being... Boats... Birds & Boobs. Making it worthwhile was that ensured everything was shot in the South of France. Whilst I luxuriated in a suite at the Negresco. Loverrrly! A spoke hack for Old Spice tells us... “Scientists call this sweat-causing heat diet-induced thermogenesis -- that moment when you realize you’ve eaten way too much meat. We’re partnering around such a relatable experience that anyone who watches the spot can immediately consider grabbing Sweat Defense Dry Spray.” Oh yeah... That makes sense.

Never forget... The logo is a boat.