AdScam/The Horror!

Interpublic creates “Fiasco of the Future!”

As is usual with fucktard mergers, the fallout from the Lowe/Deutsch merger will cost Interpublic big fucking time. Zicor, which was supposedly spending $50 million this year, and Lunesta, which spent $111 million last year, have both told IPG to get fucked, even though there was talk of them being taken on by one of the other agencies in the group. I mean Zicam was only at Lowe for five fucking months after they’d gone through a four month review. No wonder they are pissed. Still, it’ll mean more money for the agency searchnozzles. What a fucking racket. Time for another Michael Roth performance bonus.

Standard issue Interpublic keyboard!

 

Kevin Roberts about to shoot himself in Gordon Browns foot!

Mr “Lovemarksnozzle” Kevin Roberts is taking time out from his world wide rugby viewing tour, while staying at five star hotels, courtesy of Saatchi shareholders… To get Gordon Brown re-elected in next years UK general election… Kevin, no chance mate… You are well and truly fucked. According to Jim Edwards over at bNet, Kev has the world’s worst track record when it comes to political advertising. Over in New Zealand his involvement with neo-fascist former prime minister, Jenny Shipley,  earned the title, “Saatchigate,” and one headline called it a “Slippery Slope of Sleaze.” Back in the states Roberts successfully persuaded the Department of Defence to “rebrand” the War on Terror. Roberts suggested name? “The Fight for a Better World.” Oh, fucking right Kev… Would that world be the one where you abuse your expense account in five star hotels and restaurants while “lovemarking” your way through international rugby tournaments? No wonder BDA’s are fucked.

Kevin likes to wear his best frock for new biz presentations.

 

Kate in a bit of “Bovver!”

Seems like Kate has pissed a few people off when she was asked in a recent interview if she had any mottos, Kate said: 'There are loads. There's "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels". That's one of them.' Apparently that’s a no-no ‘cos it encourages young girls to become anorexic after glorifying a 'size zero' slogan. I mean c’mon, everyone knows the reason Kate is so fucking tasty has nothing to do with her starving herself… It’s all down smoking a ton of fags, drinking ‘til you fall down, doing lots of drugs, and fucking your brains out. That’s what keeps both of us looking so good, so we're sticking to it.

All right darlin'? Fucking loverrlly!!!

 

Queen declares war on pirates!

UK AdScammers advise that Internet pirates operating out of the United Kingdom, if caught, can look forward to a spell in the Tower of London, followed by the time honored punishment of being hung, drawn and quartered. And if you don’t know how fucking painful and grisly that is, ask Mel “Braveheart” Gibson. At the opening of Parliament today, the Queen warned that people who fuck around with her loyal citizens options for illegal file sharing while sending porn to their mates, would likely suffer the same fate as Edward II… Which was particularly nasty!!!

Ouch... Fucking ouch!!!

 

Poisoned Dwarf talks shit… So, what else is new?

Sir Martin Sorrel Gives us three minutes of blatantly obvious forecasting at the recent AdTech conference on this AdAge video. For gazillions of dollars, the brain-dead audience is treated to the astounding piece of information that if clients continue to spend through a downturn in the economy, they’ll come out of the period in better shape than companies who cut back… Fucking brilliant. Never heard that shit before. And why did AdAge even bother to do a video of it. Fuck me, no wonder everything is in the shitter!

I'm forever blowing bubbles!

 

How are the holding companies holding up?

Randall Rothenberg has a really interesting post on his blog “I, A BEE” titled Is Marketing a Strategic Resource or a Procured Commodity? It’s long, but well worth a read. Lots of good stuff… Here’s just one thing in particular that caught my eye… Holding company operating margins, even factoring out the effects of the recession, still hover in the 10-13% range, far below the historic norms that prompted advertising’s “megamerger” boom of the 1980’s. With the recession, the picture is far more grim. The WPP Group reported operating margins of 7.5% for the first half of 2009, down from 13% during the same period the previous year. Interpublic’s operating margins were 1.7% for first nine months of 2009, down from 5.1% in 2008. Wow, I knew IPG was in deep fucking shit… But I didn’t realize how fucking deep. Time to give Michael Roth another “Performance Bonus!” Douchenozzle.

Listen up, Roth baby. And that goes for Howard, too.

 

ANDY Crowdsourcing sources the same old crowd!

Remember all the fuss about crowdsourcing the jury for the ANDY awards? Well, the crowding and sourcing is over now, and the results will be announced on November 20th. But as Brian Morrisey points out over at AdFreak… All the top 25 are agency CD’s, or ex in the case of Rick Boyco, who probably threatened to fail all his fucking students if they didn’t vote for him. So, the idea that this was going to shake things up by introducing fresh faces, didn’t exactly work out, did it? Funniest bit is that one of the candidates was John Winsor, co-founder of wankfest, Victors & Spoils. He didn’t make the top 25 though. Probably his “reputation score” was too low!

You said it Sherlock!

 

Tested and fucking approved!

My mate Bill G, has been kind enough to mention me in one of his AdRant posts… Something about “George Parker tested and approved” when commenting on Chris Bakers Hilarious blog “The fucking word of the day.” Because it’s easier to learn new words with sex, drugs and fucking swearing. That definitely has the AdScam seal of approval.

Also George Parker tested and approved!

 

Second Life kicks bucket in Oz!

This just in from “Oz.” Telstra, Australia’s biggest telecom has decided to pull the plug on Second Life, evicting the lunatic residents of its virtual BigPond Island and revoking their unmetered usage, in a move that has severely pissed off some Bruce and Sheila subscribers. In common with many other companies that have realized having a presence on this really fucking stupid site is really fucking stupid, BigPond's islands will cease to exist on December 16, after its two-year “experiment” has convinced the company it was a shitasmic idea in the first place. Rumors that Wendy might buy it as a retirement home for the Wizened of Oz are unfounded.

She can't get rid of me that easy!

 

More “crowdsourcing” bullshit!

AdScammer, “Whacked Paddy” just pointed me in the direction of yet another fucking dumb “crowdsourcing” idea… A couple of fucktard ad agencies want all the retards out there to pledge enough money to buy the brewery that makes some of the worst beer in the fucking world… Pabst and Schlitz… Nuns piss that I wouldn’t be caught dead drinking. They are looking to raise $300 million, so far they’ve got about ten dollars and change. Douchenozzles. I wish everyone would get the fuck off this “crowdsourcing” bandwagon. It’s fucking stupid. Wikipedia sums it up best in the visual below, particularly in stage eight.

Didn't Wikipedia invent crowdsourcing?