A well intentioned rant about the current state of Advertising, with particular emphasis on Big Dumb Agencies (BDA's) Because, no matter how bad you think it is, it's actually a great deal worse!
"Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill pail." George Orwell.
You have to understand that there are very few of us original Mad Men still left plowing the triple Martini trenches of Madison Avenue. You have to understand that most of us habituate places a little far afield these day. You also have to understand that we are “The Genuine Creatives.” Meaning that, unlike fid not, unlike the world’s most famous uber wankers, rely on Judy Wald to shuffle us into Ted Bates in the rancid
drugs, rock & roll, advertising, marketing, blogging, Hitler, Kate Moss. Fucktard, douchenozzle.
Did you see the article in AdAge the other day talking about the fall off in users on Twitter? Something like 20 million users now, down from a peak of 23 million a short time ago. No, this isn’t another Twitter rant from me. As I have explained, I got off it after two weeks because I was hacked and phished. But more than that, I was constantly amazed by the hours some people seem to spend on there, obviously tweeting about every fucking thing they did, most of which was of little interest to anyone other than a fucking stalker. But primarily, because I think that 140 character limit is a killer… I like to fucking write. Read the comments on the article. They show that a lot of people haven’t actually worked out the value (if any) of Twitter in comparison to other forms of communication. I think it was best summed up by the comment of “mikethg,” who said… Everyone gets excited about the promise and value is somehow invented around that. Damned fucking right.
As further proof that the news media knows fuck all when it comes to serious news, rather than Tiger’s tenth mistress of the week, or whether or not Balloon Boy will get his own reality show… News this morning that in spite deep discounts, retailers are in deep shit with start of the holiday selling season with most falling short of analyst estimates. Yet just a few days ago we read that “Black Friday” was huge, with brain dead fucktards camping out all nigh to buy huge TV’s with their food stamps. Then it was, well lots of people out there, but not spending as much as we thought. Now the fuckers are hardly spending. Fuck me, make up your mind. Never forget what the “Decider” told us to do after 9/11… Don’t let the terrorists get you down… Go out and shop. Get down to your Kabul Wal-Mart.
Word is that Eric Prouix’s new movie "Lemonade," which had its premier on Monday night in Cambridge, Mass., was a great success. Good for him. I assume most of you know all about the subject matter, but in case you’ve been living in a fucking cave for the last few months, it’s all about people who’ve been laid off from the world’s most fucked up business, who manage to move on to new things. I had the pleasure of doing a “BeanCast” with Eric a few weeks ago. Check out his website Please Feed the Animals, a community for people who’ve been fucked by BDA’s… Ha, no fucking shortage there! There’s just one thing I’ll never forgive Eric for… He persuaded me to get on Twitter. That lasted for about two weeks before I knocked it on the head after being hacked, phished and fucked. What a wank… But fuck it. Good luck with the film, Eric.
News today, via AdWeek, that Ogilvy has just fired 90 staffers… oh, yes, great timing guys, three weeks before Christmas, But hey, we understand that the Poisoned Dwarf wants them off the books and out of the fucking “edge of Siberia” 11th avenue premises before the end of the year. Maybe they can all go and camp out in the 10,000 square feet, ten year lease premises, the diminished one signed up for as the global headquarters to host the “Agency of the Future” Enfartico… So, how are things cooking these days, Ken? Ha, hardy, hardy-ha-what? Best bit, is to read the mealy mouthed, fucktard, retard email “John – I threw my wife under the fucking bus for WPP glory – Seifert” sent out to the troops… Of which the final line says… As ever, my deepest thanks for your understanding and support." Hey, douchenozzle, if I’d just been layed off after twenty odd years in the Ogilvy trenches, you wouldn’t get my understanding, and you can shove your support up your arse! In the meantime… Would someone please dig David up?
Shouldn't someone tell Mr Sniff-Fart that a gentleman does not sacrifice his good lady wife to an odious little shit for the sake of personal enhancement?
Has the Wizened of Oz won the first round in the battle of paid content? With the announcement that readers of on-line news arriving via Google will be able to click through to five stories a day on a paid site such as The Wall Street Journal, but if they try a sixth time they will come up against a subscription page. OK… That’s not such a big fucking deal, you might think… But it might just be the thin end of the wedge, leading to the senile old geezer's master plan to make you pay for all the really shitty stuff News Corp churns out. Personally, I wouldn’t touch anything of his with a long, shitty stick… Well, maybe Wendy, when he finally pops off and she gets all the loot. Although, on second thoughts, considering who’s been handling the merchandise, I’ll pass on that.
My good mate, Curvin O’Reilly, who for some reason is having problems posting comments on AdScam (Maybe it’s that twenty five year old Mac Classic he’s still working on!) Sent me this email… I went to the IPA website and listened to Julie's personal invitation to their "leadership conference." http://www.ipa.org/files/Julie-Roehm-Welcome-for-web.wav What a c**t. (don’t want to offend my “Feministing” fans here.) "Former marketing chief of Wal-Mart and DaimlerChrysler"? Gimme a fucking break! Yes indeed, Curvin my old mate. She delivers it like some kind of speed-reading exercise… And it’s one hundred percent pure unadulterated shit! Julie, Julie, Julie. Please stop trying to drag the entire advertising profession down to the level of your ugly mate, Howie.
News on Tuesday that GM’s CEO, Fritz Henderson-nozzle is expected to resign should only surprise people so fucking brain dead that they honestly expect the US car business to rebound in the next ten million years. No word yet on the fate of ace-douchenozzle Ed Whitacre JR… Yes, he of the incredible yawn fest commercials of a few weeks ago. But you know what never ceases to amaze me about these fucktards? When Ed Jr. was CEO of AT&T, he earned $60 million a fucking year for umpteen years. If you had that much loot in a Zurich numbered account, wouldn’t you call it a day? What the fuck is wrong with these people? Well, I suppose it all makes sense if you sign off on the Gordon Gecko school of management… “greed is good!” Oh, forgot to mention… While Ed Jr. was the head honcho at AT&T “The leaders in the digital revolution” he never used email, or even had a computer in his fucking office. Hey, but if I was making sixty fucking million dollars a year, I wouldn’t either, you have “people” who do that shit. All you have to do is count your fucking money. Although, you probably have "people" who do that for you. What a wanker!
Just buy one more gas guzzling monster before that big fucking rock hits... Please, please, I'm down to my last couple of hundred million!
My uber-gnarly mate, George Tannenbaum of AdAged… Has a great post about the piece in today's New York Times stating that Cormac McCarthy recently retiring his Olivetti typewriter that he bought in a Knoxville, pawnshop in 1963 for $50. The brunt of George’s post is that it doesn’t matter if you write with the burnt end of fucking twigs, or you channel through the end of your Viagra inflamed John Henry… Wahhh?? It’s all about the end result, not the tools, disregarding the Viagra inflamed John Henry, of course… Ha, fucking ha.
This is the gem part of George’s post…
Today, of course our tools are more sophisticated than typewriters. We can do sophisticated motion graphics and editing at our desks or on a plane. We can make type dance like Isadora Duncan on LSD. We can compose and record music. We can buy a $49 video camera and shoot stuff. These are all things Mr. McCarthy can't do on his Olivetti. But they don't make us better than McCarthy. Because Mr. McCarthy's trade involves ideas. So far no one has built a desktop app that produces those.
All I can say is… Oh yes, fucking yes. In fact, I’ll say it again. Yes, fucking yes!