A well intentioned rant about the current state of Advertising, with particular emphasis on Big Dumb Agencies (BDA's) Because, no matter how bad you think it is, it's actually a great deal worse!
"Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill pail." George Orwell.
So, I am going to get ton of emails from people complaining that I haven't done my Friday Kate "preferable naked" Moss post... So... Here we go... But it happens to be Saturday. Sorry, won't happen again.
So on Thursday, the U.S. carried out its most high-profile attack on ISIS, dropping the so-called "Mother Of All Bombs," whose real name is the GBU-43/B Massive Ordnance Air Blast bomb, or MOAB. Only 20 of these weapons have ever been made and each costs a mere $16 million. It was used to blow the fuck up some caves in Afghanistan. Yeah, Afghanistan... Fifteen years, billions of dollars and counting!
The flag on the nose is a nice touch, dont ya think?
If there was a competition for the "Emperor of Sleaze" The Wizened of Oz would win it hands down, from the British phone hacking scandal that cost him the News of the World newspaper, to the Roger Ailes Grope Fest, and now the Bill "I love playing with loofahs" O'Reilly scandal brewing up, you have to admit "Rupe" sure knows how to pick evil fuckers. I suspect there's some kind of reverse "Picture of Dorian Grey" thing going on and locked in his attic is a young good looking "Bruce," whilst the gnarly old fucker with snakes growing out of his head is walking around outside. You heard it here first!
You have to laugh when you read that Oracle is gearing up for an "aggressive" move into TV advertising. "This is our first big move into the TV space," said Joe Kyriakoza, VP and GM of automotive at Oracle Data Cloud. No it's not you wanker. In 1998, Oracle ran a TV ad that featured a series of disjointed images of war and conflict -- the result, theoretically, of a lack of knowledge and information-sharing. The ad ended with an image of a red chair -- the "Oracle seat of knowledge" (can't find a copy) that would end strife in business and perhaps throughout the world. As you would expect the campaign was an unmitigated disaster. Back in the nineties, an Oracle SpokesNozzle said... "The red chair ad is the epitome of how we don't do advertising" now, we're very straight, very in your face." Is that code for fucking horrible?
Weiden+Kennedy, Portland, continues to slip down the slope of cheesiness with its latest effort for Chobani yoghurt. As my mate, Stephen Foster points out at MoreAboutAdvertising, they appear to have succumbed to “brands making the world a better place” in a new campaign ‘Believe in Food.’ Well don’t we all, when we’re hungry. It’s a blatant "Homage" to Coke’s famous ‘Hilltop’ anthem spot. And it's not even well done. The multi ethnic, multi racial chorus didn't even have anyone in a wheelchair. They should forget food (Remember their Kraft Mac & Cheese fiasco?) and stick to sneakers. Back in the days when Droga5 had the account... Great stuff!
Just in case you haven't had enough of the United Airlines fuck up, over at Future Travel is a funny piece titled "10 Genius ways United can save their brand." I have as suggestion for an 11th one... Free booze. Better yet, for number 12, a Lucky Airlines orgy compartment at the back of the plane. You can't get friendlier than that.
Am I the only person in the universe who thinks that every fucking ad for basketball stuff is exactly the same? The latest epic for Air Jordan XXXI shoes (A bargain at $5K a pair) features the same eight foot tall giants in big, baggy shorts, crashing into each other, slam dunking and other weird shit. Throw in a bit of archival footage and it's money for old bollocks. And as most games seem to be won by just a couple of points, why don't they simply play the last minute... And raise the net another ten feet.
AdScamers will know that I am unashamedly a fan of Goodby Silverstein + P and Droga5. Everyone else out there occasionally comes up with something worthwhile, but mostly they just produce embarrassing shit. Today, Droga5 continues to up the game with the latest in their "Jacksonville Employees" campaign. You have to choke on your sausage laughing at the "Ruben & The Receders," spot. Followed by the "Guess the Price of That Food," quiz. I mean, who the fuck wouldn't want a speedboat filled with sausage?
As I have blushingly told you on numerous occasions, amongst my "Gong Collection" is a Gold and Silver EFFIE. Mind you, that was back in the days when you had to submit entries on a clay tablet and it was mostly about advertising. Now the EFFIE organization has just announced its Worldwide Board of Directors. Vastly outnumbering the ad people are douchenozzles from manufacturing, entertainment, consulting, Facebook, Google and even some banking wanker from JPMorgan Chase. However, the Dylithium EFFIE for the most impressive title goes to... Bea Perez, Chief Sustainability Officer, SVP Global Partnerships, Marketing Assets & Innovation, Licensing & Retail Attractions Chair, The Coca-Cola Company. Fuck, her business card must be the size of a clay tablet!
In the "You Can't Make This Shit up Category" United's CEO apologized today after a man claiming to be a doctor was left bloodied and unconscious as he was dragged off an overbooked flight to make room for staff. A video has gone viral of the man being forced to give up his seat by three cops who slammed his head against an arm rest - then dragged him off the flight by the arms as he bled from the mouth. United's CEO has promised the guy two free drink vouchers... So everything is OK. I would recommend "Lucky Airlines" in the future.