AdScam/The Horror!

Why the adverati love golf!

One of the first things I realized when I arrived in New York and talked my way into a job at B&B was that the vast majority of the “suits” were obsessed with golf. Not just playing it, but finding any excuse to blow client money on sponsorships, tournaments and TV campaigns for banks, insurance companies and anything else financial that ran during all the televised “Opens,” or whatever the fuck they are called. To this day, it still goes on, and I’m sure that 90% of the money spent is a total waste of time… Apart from the fact the both the agency and client management spend a lot of time and company money on the golf course. Anyway, as further proof that nothing really changes in the world’s dumbest fucking business, AdWeek has a story about the TaylorMade Golf Company has just selected a new agency after a review of TWELVE agencies, including the incumbent. Firstly, why incumbents re-pitch when they have almost no chance of retaining the business continues to be a mystery to me. Secondly, based on every campaign I have ever seen for golf, I guarantee the stuff from the new agency will be just like the stuff from the old agency, ‘cos it always is with clients like this. George Carlin had it right when he said they should build houses for the homeless on golf courses, and viewing golf on TV is like watching flies fuck!

BDA "Executive" washroom!

Words of wisdom from “The insurance guy!”

If you want a good laugh to start off the weekend, you won’t do better than reading the piece in today’s AdAge titled… “Interpublic CEO Michael Roth Is Convinced This Latest Lowe Merger Can Work.” A bigger bunch of the same old platitudes and bullshit you haven’t been subjected to since he shot his mouth off about the merger of Draft and FCB to form the “Agency of the Future.” And we know how that worked out, don’t we? I particularly loved the bit when he’s asked about the current emphasis on “Teams,” and he replies… “It’s what I’ve been saying frankly since I got into this business.” Which would be exactly eight years, and none of it at an ad agency. Before that he was CEO of MONY… A bloody life insurance company. Obviously, he’s worth every penny of the thirteen fucking million he pulled down in 2011... Wanker!

Award that man a Tilford "Adventure Team" medal!

More on Droga5 from across the pond!

Staying with the Droga5 news for a bit longer, my good friend, Stephen Foster over at MoreAboutAdvertising, has a well reasoned piece about why Droga5 went with heavyweight Hollywood talent agency William Morris Endeavor, rather than selling their soul to a scum sucking BDHC, which would result in the holding companies CEO telling you how to run your business “lean and mean” enough to generate the 30% every BDA has to kick back to the holding company… Besides which, can you imagine taking orders from a fucktard like Michael “I Know Insurance” Roth? 

On a more cheerful note... It's Friday!

The ultimate on Droga-Boola-Extemperania!

Deep throats tell me that the $150 million Dave Droga reputably sold his soul for was indeed perhaps much more… Perhaps even $160 million… Ha, Ha fucking Ha. Just kidding… Dave, Ted and Andrew have been around the track almost as many times as I have… They would not sell their soul for a mess of potage that was that potageomeanioliscious small. These guys have fucking cleaned up while controlling their destiny. Just like when Goodby sold 49% of GS+P to Omnicom, whilst retaining ultimate control. Not everyone in advertising is a fucktard… Just most of the people working for BDA's!

Mesage to Andrew... I was fucking Kate at the time!

Cecil B. D-Droga?

To paraphrase Captain Renault in Casablanca, before he started a new career making crappy cars… “I am shocked, shocked to find that advertising is going on in the establishment!” Which can only apply against the news today that Droga5 has flogged off a few pounds of its flesh to a bunch of Hollywood wankers for a reputed $150 million. The Ad Trades say it’s not a controlling interest… I fucking hope not. Never forget, as I have quoted William Goldman so many times… “No one in Hollywood knows anything about anything.” And as I have shamelessly homaged it so many time… “No one on Madison Avenue knows anything about anything.” Combine the two, and you are totally fucked. As you know, over the years I have shamelessly pimped Droga5, ‘cos I think Dave, Ted and Andrew are three of the smartest guys in the world’s most fucked up biz… Plus they get me totally aresholed whenever I am in New York. Hey… I’m an AdHo… No… Seriously, they are not as fucking dumb as the BDA wankers that sell their rancid souls to a BDHC… The fact that they did the deal with an non-traditional holding company raises some interesting questions. What, I have no fucking idea at the moment… But, trust me, I shall find out. Stay tuned.

Merde!!!

Everything you already knew about Microsoft explained in excruciating detail… Again!

In common with senior management at most BDC’s, Microsoft’s CEO Steve Ballmer’s memo, issued today on the company restructuring, laid out the usual mealy mouthed “me-too” goals every fucking company does: speed, efficiency, innovation and the ability to compete in a fast-changing world. It touts the company’s “big vision” and its “undeniable” impact on the world. It also emphasizes the need for “Evangelism.” Bit late there Steve, Apple had a whole fucking army of “Evangelists” back in the eighties… Guy Kawasaki’s been sucking that tit for years. Anyway, one thing is for sure, Ballmer is still in charge, keeping his nose to the grindstone and shoulder to the wheel. No wonder the fucker sweats so much!

Ouch... Fucking Ouch!

V&S’s, John Winsor talks shit… Again!

Over at the world’s wankiest publication, The Harvard Business Review, that’s the one aimed at MBA fucktards… There’s a piece… The Dinosaurs of Cannes, by John Winsor, founder of the world’s dumbest agency… Victors & Spoils, in which he talks shit about Cannes and the current state of the ad biz. You know, all that stuff about how agencies have to do more than make ads ‘cos the world is changing and “digital technology” is upending the way we communicate. Yeah, fucking brilliant John. He quotes George Lois saying… "At the end of the day, it's about finding clients who let you do great work. And if they don't let you do great work, fuck 'em." Winsor is shocked, exclaiming… It was right out of an episode of Mad Men. So, what the fuck is wrong with that? I’ll take the worst work George did in his Mad Men days over the best work V&S has inflicted on us. Anyway, Winsor made his millions when he flogged his agency to BDHC Havas, where he now “Ideates” whatever the fuck that is, as “Chief Innovation Officer.”

Boulder... Home of CP+B, V&S, and other poseurs! 

Undisputed Winner of the wet shirt contest!

My wife happens to be a big fan of Colin Firth… Plus Andy bloody Murray… But back to Firth. For some reason or other UKTV has commissioned a twelve foot fiber glass model of Firth’s famous wet shirt scene from Pride and Prejudice which was apparently a massive turn-on for the ladies of Britain. The giant Mr. Darcy is currently floating in Hyde Park’s boating pond, scaring the shit out of the ducks and swans. After that, it goes to Yorkshire and then Cheshire. Then possibly Loch Ness? That'll teach the monster to behave!

What a whopper!

Rihanna… Bud’s brand boozer-esse!

Sometimes you have to wonder why BDC’s shell out millions for totally unsuitable “Brand Ambassadors” to pimp their products. But, kudos to manufacturers of Nuns Piss, Budweiser, for doing a deal with Rihanna, signing her up for an 85 country ad campaign, which will undoubtedly cost them fucking billions. Why is she the perfect shill for bad beer… A video has surfaced showing her being escorted out of a Kings of Leon concert in Poland over the weekend, looking like she was so fucked up she could barely walk. The footage shows a stumbling RiRi clinging onto burly security guards as she exits the Heineken Open’er Festival venue. You just know that wasn’t caused by Bud Light. More likely Hubby Jay-Z was plying her with some of Diddy’s brown-bag Ciroc! 

Excuse me… Is that a fucking Corona? 

Murdoch facing jail time?

As I have pointed out in other posts, do not fuck around with Scotland Yard… They get you eventually, no matter how long it takes, whether your “Biggsie” or the “Wizened of Oz.” The “Filth” are investigating evil Rupert Murdoch over comments he made in an internal meeting with hack journalists from the Sun that were secretly recorded. The Met want access to the recording as part of the Operation Elveden inquiry into corrupt payments to public officials, “Dick of the Yard,” assistant commissioner Cressida Dick, is on the case and one of the offences being investigated is conspiracy to commit misconduct in public office. Fuck... Sounds like some serious shit to me, much worse than a cream pie in the face. Personally, I’d put the old fucker in the Tower and throw away the key. 

I am shocked, shocked, I tell you!