AdScam/The Horror!

“methinksdifferent” scores a blinder!

I love all AdScamers, but I particularly enjoy “methinksdifferent’s” rants… Maybe ‘cos he sounds a lot like me. Anyway, he just commented on my earlier Lance post. I reprint it now, ‘cos it’s a fucking gem…

Through the grape vine, I heard lance is bringing in a "special consultant". yes, Alex B.... the rumors are, lance and Alex have been seen dinning at Boulder Green & Organic Restaurant Ecovian, and at wholefoods on occasion, and also.... http://www.divineresonance.com/ at divine resonance, its been said alex and lance have been receiving Poetry in Potion Organic Skin Treatments.... with the Omnilux, Lymphatic Enhancement Therapy & Sapphire 3 Abrasion, * Ultimate Extractions treatment additions. when you consider what George is suggesting, and the fact that alex also rides and talks about bikes, it all makes sense.... http://images.fastcompany.com/upload/alex-bogusky-bike.jpg http://qik.com/video/1231709 maybe Alex is getting lance to channel "clean" body and mind enhancements to pedal faster, just like he got better creative out of his creative’s when they rode bike. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWzGB3QBRUk either way, without even knowing how or what, we know its fucking brilliant. add in this....... if lance makes a successful comeback, i could then see Alex becoming the official coach for the USA Olympic cycling team. of course, in light of this, its quite possible Alex planned this move into Olympic cycling years ago because USA cycling is located in Colorado Springs. maybe the whole lance thing is just an unexpected opportunity for Alex that allows him to make his move into Olympic cycling sooner? I fucking think so.

A gem, a fucking gem!

Could it be?

Will Armstrong finally fess up?

In what seems to be a very, very strange twist, news in today’s New York Times that Lance Armstrong is considering owning up to having used drugs and shit for years to win his seven tours and amass his huge fucking fortune. He says he wants to come clean so he can compete again… At what for fucks sake? Marathons for the middle aged, triathlons for the toothless. He’s forty one years old. Gino Bartali kept on riding ‘til he was about 45, told everyone he was 39. Didn’t win anything, but everyone, including the Pope loved him. As for Lance, by now everyone knows he’s a wanker. And if he does come clean, he’s going to get sued shitless by all the people he fucked over… Plus, as I keep on telling ya, the Feds will go after him for taking tax payers money to fund his USPS team’s drug program. Who’s going to come out of this mess with the biggest smile on his face? Floyd Landis when he wins his federal whistle-blower suit and pockets fucking millions.

The new "Livestrong" tee shirt!

CP+B opens LA shed!

Courtesy of the Los Angeles Egotist, we are given a sneak peak of the recently opened West Coast offices of the Frat/Fart boys. Situated in Santa Monica they obviously blew shitloads of money in their attempt to do something completely unoriginal. The walls are covered in surf boards (Like, it’s Santa Monica, dudes, gnarly) although one wall looks like it’s made from shity lumber yard scrap. All the furniture is very modern and obviously very uncomfortable. Everyone works in open spaces so your neighbors can hear you ordering drugs etc (Like, it’s Santa Monica, dudes, gnarly.) It looks like about ten people work there. No kerchief wearing dogs though. They didn’t show the shrine to Alex, which is in a miniature shed inside a miniature broom closet where the “Subservient Chicken” and “The King” live. Orville Deadenbacher comes in after midnight. I look forward to the “Insanely Fucking Great” work. 

Scarlett who?

I think I’m turning Japanese!

I’ve been to Japan a couple of times and it’s truly fascinating, but, it is like being on another fucking planet. That’s why I loved “Lost in Translation.” Well, I mean, it’s got Scarlett Johansson’s semi-naked arse in it! On the streets of Tokyo they have vending machines that sell everything, even used schoolgirl’s panties. Anyway, nothing out of Japan surprises me. Then I saw this piece about Toshifumi Fujimoto, a Japanese truck driver who vacations in war zones. He thinks Syria is “Exciting.” No shit!

Don't panic... Kate later!

Who me drink? I’m a US Senator Sir!

Yesterday, Tom posted a link to the Wall Street Journal article dealing with the “Crony Capitalist Blowout” demonstrating the sheer fucking hypocrisy of our so-called representatives as they voted for tax rebates for their favorite campaign contributors. This included everything from Hollywood to NASCAR. But the best part of it is the "Distillers are able to drink to a $222 million rum tax rebate." Voting YES... Sen. Mike Crapo of Idaho, the vodka shot chugging Mormon who goes to court today to face his DUI charges... You just know he’ll promise not to do it again, save a place for the judge on the planet fucking Gorgon, get a slap on the wrist, then go home and make kids!

"He" made me do it!

Why I’m not going to Mars!

DidYaSee that research by a team of ScientistNozzles at the Rochester Medical Center suggests that exposure to the radiation of outer space could accelerate the onset of Alzheimer's disease in astronauts. Apparently exposure equivalent to a mission to Mars could produce cognitive problems and speed up changes in the brain that can cause Alzheimer's. So, I’m going to stay right here and fuck up what’s left of my cognitive abilities with the Fourth Reich’s finest potato vodka. I mean, if I really wanted to severely fuck up my head I could watch the video of Alex Bogusky explaining how “Common” will change the universe as he sits outside the “Shed!” But fuck it… I’ll stick to Teton Glacier!

On the other hand!!!

WPP expanding faster than known universe!

Following on from my post of yesterday about the Poisoned Dwarf placing foot firmly in pie hole when discussing WPP’s tax “burden,” I wake up this morning to discover he’s bought yet another Big Boring Company (BBC) for a big chunk of shareholder change. I once tried to work out how many companies he’s bought over WPP’s 28 year history. I gave up after about 500, the vast majority of which no longer exist. So you have to ask why the fuck he bought them in the first place. Yes, I know, some were to acquire the expertise of the principals who worked out their con-competes, took the money and fucked off. Others were to get into areas they felt were ripe for plucking… But many of them were a complete waste of fucking money… And no, I won’t mention Enfatico. He didn’t buy that mess, he created it from scratch. Anyway, as I’ve pointed out in previous posts, perhaps his single greatest investment was the purchase of “Wire and Plastic Products, Ltd.” To use as the shelter company for the formation of WPP. The brand name is Delfinware, and they make kitchen wire-ware at Pennypot Industrial Estate in Kent. And as far as I know, it's profitable. Or maybe Sorrell just has a soft spot for it in his flinty little heart! Nahhh... No fucking way!

A kitchen full of Wire & Plastic shit... What's not to love?

Google invades North Korea!

This just in from my deep throat at the GooglePlex. Multi-billionaire, Uber Chairman, Eric Schmidt  is preparing to travel to one of the last frontiers of cyberspace: North Korea. The official word is that he will be traveling to the world’s most fucked up country on a private, humanitarian mission led by former New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson that could take place as early as this month. However, sources tell me that in reality, because Larry and Sergey have become bored with their “His & His” Boeing 777’s, he is tasked with picking up a couple of the recently launched rockets Kim-Jong-Nozzle is having giant orgasms about. This will obviously piss off Zuckernozzle and create a “Rocket-Gap,” between Google and Facebook. Stay tuned for developments!

Ja, mein Google-Fuhrer, we can destroy the FaceNozzle!

Sorrell places tiny foot in large mouth!

Hot from the UK, courtesy of Stephen Foster at moreaboutadvertising.com, news that the Poisoned Dwarf thinks paying corporate taxes is a giant wank. This morning he addressed the UK’s radio listeners with the observation that the amount of money companies paid in tax was a “question of judgment” rather than playing by the rules set by dim-witted tax authorities and governments. Stephen then goes on to rip Sir Martin another arsehole where his pie hole is. He also points out, as I have in the past, that even though Sorrell is moving WPP headquarters back to the UK from the Land-O-Guinness, it will actually be based in Jersey, which still offers a lower corporate tax rate than the mainland. As he puts it… “It’s a question of judgment.” What a Wanker! 

Who says you can't take it with you?

Adage makes pathetic 2013 forecast!

AdAge kicks off the New Year with a piece titled “Who to watch in Adland in 2013.” It lists ten guys (no women) who they seem to think will influence the ad biz in the coming year. My problem with it is that only three of these geezers actually work in advertising… Yes, I know a couple will be running CNN and the NYT, but flogging ad space will not be their primary function. And yes, Pepsi, McDonalds and P&G spend obscene amounts of money on advertising, but these guys are more concerned with super sizing, big gulping and two for the price of one fucking toilet bowl cleaners. And as expected, the AdAge FanBoys had to put Alex Bogusky in the mix, hinting that the soda and food companies of the world are now terrified that the “born-again” consumer advocate has targeted them with his artisanaly curated holistic genius. Guys, I don’t think so!

"Who to Watch," my arse!