Nigella “English Muffin” Lawson appearing in court yesterday told the “Beak” that evil old Charlie was so fucking mean to her that she was driven to shove copious amounts of “Peruvian Marching Powder” up her finely sculpted nose and smoke lots of ganja, which she did in front of her kids! Going on the offensive the “English Muffin” then alleged that, during his time as Obersturmbannfuhrer of Saatchi & Saatchi, "they brought in a big sack of cocaine every Friday”, which all the lucky fuckers working there, dipped into. Fuck all that Silicon Valley gourmet food shit… This is Britain mate. We don’t fuck around. Heroin on Saturdays. God bless the Queen.
"Confessions of a Crazy Cook!"