AdScam/The Horror!

Donny Deutschnozzle strikes again!

My ex-AD-partner, “G.I. Joe” points us in the direction of Ace Douchenozzle, Donny Deutsch’s latest escapade on this morning’s MSNBC’s “Morning Joe.” For some insane reason, Donny started to take his shirt off in spite of the pleading of the other hosts to stop fucking around. Usually he does this kind of shit at night when trying to pick up teenage girls in town for a night at Chip n’ Dale. Couldn’t see any trace of “Peruvian Marching Powder” around the old schnozzle. Bit early in the day for that. Maybe he’s just crazier than a shithouse rat. Anyone unfortunate enough to have worked with him can attest to that!

Pre-Buff Donny!!!

Forget zombies… What about Glass-Tards?

I’ve posted recently about how fucktards crossing the street whilst watching porn on their Google Glass are asking to be killed… Now, a woman in California – Where else? Has been ticketed for wearing Google Glass in her car, and yes, she was speeding. So, just to prove she is an absolute fucktardesse, she posted the ticket to her Google+ page with the caption "A cop just stopped me and gave me a ticket for wearing Google Glass while driving!" Her post has received over 500 comments, mostly from other fucktards who couldn’t see anything wrong with driving at two hundred miles an hour whilst watching porn. Has the world gone completely fucking apeshit?   

I watch porn while I’m operating… So?

Will “Medusa” be the undoing of Murdoch?

Getting big attention in the UK is the beginning of the trial of several of the Wizened of Oz’s News Hacks working within his rancid newspaper empire. They are accused of phone hacking, bribery, concealing evidence and pushing little old ladies into oncoming traffic. (OK, I made the last one up, but it wouldn’t surprise me.) The most notorious are ex News of the World and The Sun Editors, Rebekah Brooks (She of the Medusa hair) and Andy Coulson, who went on to work for Prime Minister, David Cameron as his communications uber-fuehrer until being sacked for pushing little old ladies… Oh, just did that… Sorry. Victims of the phone hacking included the royal family, pop stars, football hooligans, celebrities, politicians and even a murdered school girl. Getting kick backs for information were several coppers, including, it was rumored, “Biggsie’s” nemesis, “Slipper of the Yard.” OK… Fucking OK… I made that up too. Well, the Ad Biz is getting more boring by the day. 

Now that is fucking ugly!

CP+B star fucks to no avail!

In their continuing quest to wrest the title of “Star Fuckers of the Ad Biz” from BBDO, the Frat/Fart boys of Boulder have come up with yet another Best Buy campaign that takes their Justin/Ozzy Super Bowl epic into another dimension… Well, kinda! In the words of a Best Buy ClientNozzle, CP+B will feature a group of celebrities, including Will Arnett, Maya Rudolph, LL Cool J and Jason Schwartzman bringing "Wit" to the campaign. The only one I’ve seen so far features Will Arnett, and if that’s their definition of “Wit,” methinks “Shit” might be a better descriptor. Sorry guys, in spite of the undoubted millions this has cost you… It’s pretty fucking lame.

Hey "Star Fucker" dude. Awesome shit!!!

I’m not a God-Jobs, but I played a God-Jobs on TV!

The latest addition to tech-dom’s increasing collection of celebrity consultant’s is none other than Ashton Kutcher who has been hired by Lenovo as is its latest product engineer! According to a press release from the company, Kutcher who did a bit of  biochemical engineering at the University of Iowa before becoming Mr. Demi Moore,  will work alongside Lenovo's engineering teams around the world to "develop and market" its Yoga line of Windows and Android tablets. It's hoped he'll inject "input and decision making into design, specifications, software, and usage scenarios." You can catch “Fake GodJobs” in his first TV spot in which he plays a handsome nerd complete with a Lenovo I.D. card, who makes no impression on a spec wearing Demi Moore clone who is having an on-screen orgasm as she fondles Ashton’s “Yoga.” The big fucking question will be whether or not Ashton can be as impressive as BlackBerry's creative director Alicia Keys, Polaroid's creative director Lady Gaga, and Intel's director of creative innovation Will.i.am. Who is, after all, a fucking genius when it comes to logos!

AdScam hires Fuhrer Consultant!

We don’t need no stinkin’ sheds!

In the category of “Who gives a fuck,” the boring as shit, mind numbingly average ranch style house where GodJobs did drugs and with the help of “Woz,” built the very first Apple 1 computer… Is now a “Historic Resource” and will be placed in the Los Altos Historic Resources Directory. I can’t imagine what the fuck else is in the Los Altos Historic Resources Directory. But at least it aint a garage. Remember when Carly Fiorina wearing a Gucci leather outfit posed in front of the original HP garage for some ads, then it turned out it was a mock-up and didn’t really exist on the Great Wall of China, or in front of the Taj Mahal. Isn’t advertising great?

When GodJobs moved from Los Altos to Woodside, but couldn't afford any fucking furniture!

Another Great ad that probably won’t work!

I do have to take my hat off to an agency that manages to convince a client they should spend a bucket full of money on a campaign that probably won’t shift the sales needle one fucking iota… BUT… Having said that, the agency produces some great looking ads that may win them a few awards, And who fucking knows, it just might even work a bit. Either way, this spot for Dewar’s whiskey is a pleasure to look at and doesn’t insult my intelligence like 99% of the shit out there. And hey, when was the last time you watched a very tastefully shot spot with the copy written by Charles Bukowski? 

Fuck these 11.00 AM meetings!

God-jobs passes holy Apple torch to Pope-Cook!

You will be pleased to know that along with Goldman Sachs, Apple is doing God’s work! According to “The Cookster,” Apple is not just the world's most highly valued company – with a market capitalization of $478 fucking billion – The CEO-Nozzle also claims “It is a force for good, by improving working conditions or the environment." He  said that by, "standing up for human rights, helping eliminate AIDS, or reinventing education, Apple is making substantial contributions to society." The work to eliminate AIDS was recognized by Saint Bono as he arrived with his Louis Vuiton luggage at yet another “Global Initiative Conference” in a suitably exotic location where Sting was hugging trees. So get the fuck out there and buy more iShit, otherwise we are all fucked!

Sting is a fucktard, but Bono is a Twat!

Google glass fire sale!

Update on my post of yesterday… Google is expanding the availability of its pants wetting next big thing… Google Glass. But, before you start swimming out to the monster barge moored in San Francisco Bay, Google said Monday that it will allow the 10,000 fucktards who shelled out $1,500 to put a piece of shit on their face to invite three friends each to shell out $1,500 for their own piece of face shit. Google will also allow users who bought their device before Monday to swap them out for a new one. These have been updated to work with prescription frames include a single earbud and come fitted with a giant purple Mohawk wig. (OK, I made the last bit up). They will still, however, probably get you killed as you cross on a red light at street intersections whilst watching porn. 

I don't need no stinkin' prescription!

Google Glass-Tards… Start swimming!

In the “You can’t make this shit up” category, news from Bagdad on the Bay, that Google is actually taking over the fucking bay and according to Allen Martin of CBS San Francisco Google has constructed a floating Google Glass store on a barge in San Francisco Bay. For what it's worth, earlier in the year there were rumors that Google was planning on building stores just for Google Glass. Ubersturmbahnfuhrer Brin was involved in the planning of Glass-specific stores. CBS says Google spent millions building this monstrosity. Unfortunately for Google, it seems to have forgotten to get the permit needed to dock the barge in San Francisco. Government officials have told Google to go fuck themselves… Or, are negotiating for a humungous fee. Either way, I have one simple question… If you are fucktard enough to want this shit, and the only place to get it is on a "Waterworld" barge in the middle of the bay. How the fuck do you get there?

The only "Glass" I need is filled with "Jack!"