A couple of days ago, the New York Times had a piece about Goodby Silverstein + Partners opening an office in the Big Apple. It was the most boring piece of shit I’ve ever read. And it wasn’t even written by Stuart Elliott, the world’s most boring ad columnist. Then yesterday, ace AdWeek writer, Noreen O’Leary came up with a great one full of useful information like the fact that when he was a kid in Yorktown heights, Rich used to throw pumpkins off Croton dam. Fuck, that’s way more interesting than all his awards and shit. Not a word about Jeff’s childhood, he does however talk about “Things like when you die!” Fuck Jeff, you’re not even as old as me. Well, then again, not many people are. But for fuck sake lighten up. Go hang out in SOHO, NOHO, DODO, or whatever fucking OO is current in NYC. I’ve already told Rich to get rid of his Lycra wearing $10K racing bike and get a fucking messenger one. Fixed wheel, no brakes, no helmet, no fucking fear as you dash between yellow cabs as the drivers throw chapattis at you. It’s fucking New York guys. If you need advice, check with me. I know the last half dozen bars you can still smoke in while you drink $35 martinis. And if you’re interested, I have a kimono and a boat anchor client up my sleeve. You know how to reach me, and the Zurich account number is the same. Welcome to New York.
Jeff, the shorts have to go. Rich, the stubble's so last year!