AdScam/The Horror!

More on HP’s account review… my bad–a bit!

In my post yesterday about the HP review, as I admitted in a follow up comment to Dave’s comment (Comment-a-palooza!) I fucked up by saying Grey and DDB were part of the world’s dumbest holding company, IPG. Must have written the thing post-cocktails, rather than pre. Anyway, my point was that if it is pre-determined that Keshin had his tongue up the arse of four of the five agencies ‘cos he worked with them, or their managment in the past, why the fuck does he need Pile + Co to manage the process? Isn’t he going to be paying them a big fat fee for doing something he has already taken care of? Only this week, HP’s new CEO, Meg Whitman stated that she would be slashing the companies expenses… Yeah, we know that means fucking layoffs… But shouldn’t she also be asking Keshin-Nozzle why he’s blowing dumpster loads of cash to hire a company to do a job he should be doing himself?  

But only after cocktails!

HP’s so-called account review… The fix is in!

OK… AdScam’s dumb question of the day… Five shops are in the finals for the Hewlett Packard account. twofifteenmccann, The Martin Agency, Grey, DDB and BBDO. The first four all have ties to HP’s new CMO, Eric Keshin, because they are all agencies he has worked with, or for, over the years as a senior douchenozzle in the world’s dumbest holding company, Interpublic . BBDO is only in the mix ‘cos they currently handle the business. According to AdWeek, HP executives are briefing the shops today and tomorrow at HP’s headquarters in Palo Alto, Calif. Boston-based consultancy Pile + Co. is managing the process. So, here’s the question… If Keshin knows four of the finalists, and probably chose them as finalists… Why the fuck does he need Pile + Co to manage the process? Isn’t he going to be paying them a big fat fee for doing something he has already taken care of? Do you think for one minute he’s not going to pick an Interpublic shop? Does anyone think Michael Roth hasn’t already picked out his “Performance Bonus” Ferrari? What a fucking joke this business has become.

George knows his shit... Believe me!

Wot… No knockers?

In his attempt to win back the binge drinking, Woodbine puffing, New of the World readers, the Wizened of Oz launches “The Sun on Sunday,” this coming Sunday. Apparently, this momentous event is being personally led by the evil old fucker himself, and the paper is rumored to be heavier on fashion and football and lighter on the sex and scandal for which the News of the World was notorious. (In Britain, it was referred to as “The News of the Screws!”) It will also feature helpful articles such as “Ten ways to hack into the mobile of the tasty bint with big knockers.” And, “Things to consider before bribing the law.” Alright, I made those up, but what the fuck are you going to do if there’s no tits & arse on page three? As expected, a price war has broken out amongst Britain's Sunday papers, which already give away CD’s, fish & chips, Kit Kat, thongs and fucking Rollers with each issue. And then they complain they’re losing money. Wot a load of old Bollocks!

Page one this coming Sunday!

From now on Adscam will be set in tea chest extended bold italic!

Although I am a believer in digital publishing… Shit, “Confessions of a Mad Man,” is only available as an eBook… I still love the tactile feel of a legitimate book. And I'm not saying that eBooks are illegitimate, but, you know what I mean… Not that future generations ever will. Last night, I sat down to re-read a favorite of mine, Edward White’s “The Flaneur.” Highly recommended, but only available in hard copy. No eBook version. Anyway, on the very last page is this…

A note on the type.

The text of this book is set in Linotype Sabon, named after the type founder, Jacques Sabon. It was designed by Jan Tschichold and jointly developed by Linotype, Monotype and Stempel, in response to a need for a typeface to be available in identical form for mechanical hot metal composition and hand composition using foundry type. Tschichold based his design for Sabon Roman on a fount engraved by Garamond, and Sabon Italic on a fount by Granjon. It was first used in 1966 and has proved an enduring classic.

I wonder how many books these days bother to tell you about the type used in the publishing. Incidentally, “The Flaneur” was published by Bloomsbury Press, a relatively small publisher until they were smart enough to pick up J.K. Rowling after she had been turned down by dozens of douchenozzles.

You can't beat the classics!

 

 

 

The draft/FCb meltdown continues!

This just in from one of my ACE Draft/FCB deep throats…

You can start the Todd Tilford Countdown. He was recruited from Grey New York and landed at Draft/FCB Chicago just in time to see SC Johnson pull about $1 billion in global business. Tilford and President Michael Fassnacht are putting up a good front, yet things are falling apart already. Like most outsiders, Tilford has polarized the staff. To compensate, he’s been freelancing people and tapping pals. But it’s all for naught. The staffers who don’t hate him outright simply don’t understand his directions and leadership. Tilford is allegedly terrible at clearly articulating his thoughts to creatives, account people and clients. He has has made multiple presentations to major clients like Coors (Miller is pretty much gone), and the clients have rejected him, ‘cos they are convinced he’s a fucktard (Welcome to Draft/FCB!) They have literally told the agency that Tilford cannot bill against their accounts. In short, he is now essentially being paid by Draft/FCB, versus being billable against clients, which is a death sentence in BDAs. And in an agency that counts pennies versus potential, it pretty much writes his obituary. Ha, fucking Ha… What more can I say?

Probably a lot more over the next few weeks. Stay tuned!

Never doubt anything George tells you. He is not just a Jedi Knight, he is a fucking prince!

 

Google wants your eyes… for free!

We’ve been hearing about “wearable computers” nearly as long as we’ve been waiting for the “paperless office,” Both are not quite here, yet. It used to mean you would have chips sown into your knickers that could sense when you had to obey a call of nature. This would send a signal to P&G, who would then transmit to the chip implanted in your brain that the supermarket on your block was having a special on Charmin. Anyway, it hasn’t happened so far, but, we are getting nearer with the news that Google is fucking around with Android operating system spectacles with a 3G or 4G data connection. Something that has been on the list of must-haves for techies for ages. And it could happen by midyear. For a steal of a price (maybe a mere $600) you can now allow Google to know every embarrassing thing there is to know about you. Then they can sell that information to advertisers for fucking billions. Obviously, you get nothing, though you just coughed up $600 for the world’s ugliest specs. But you know every fucktard out there is going to want some. Does Zuckernozzle know about this?

Fuck Google... Why not be the first on the block with AdScam Super-Specs!

on special… brains!

In the “Every fucking thing has been done before” column. A couple of creative wankers over in Britain, just came up with the really brilliant and original idea of putting their fucking brains up for auction on eBay. Bids start at one quid… Fuck, that’s cheaper than a pound of tripe… And the “buy-it-now” price is twenty eight thousand pounds. But guess what guys? Another team sold themselves on eBay a year ago for sixty thousand pounds. Only in this case, the buyer got the bodies, as well as the brains… And as it was the creative team of Amy Jackson (art director) and Hollie Benton (copywriter), who look to be a pair of good looking ladies, I’d have to say that last years buyer got the best deal. 

You can have me for a pint and a packet of fags!

Arby’s goes the fart route!

You know how some famous dead guy said “The lesson of history is that we fail to learn from the lessons of history,” or something like that… Anyway, proof today, with the news that Arby’s has just given it’s account to the the Boulder Frat/fart boys without a review. AdAge points out that the move comes just a month after the chain named former Burger King Global CMO Russ Klein as its CMO. During his tenure at Burger King, this fucktard shifted the account to CP&B in 2004 and worked with the agency until his departure from the burger chain in 2009. In case you haven't been following this fiasco, while CP+B inflicted their juvenile humor of the fast food freaks of America, BK sales and profits slumped for SEVEN consecutive years. At the same time, Arby’s sales have continued to grow, thanks in part to the efforts of BBDO. So, obviously, if you are a newly arrived Global CMO Douchnozzle… The logical thing to do is fire the successful agency and bring in a bunch of loser wankers. Is this a fucked up business, or what?

I can see the plastic cowboys now!

“No Mas” for draft/FCB?

As I noted in my post of yesterday, “Fucktard Food,” Ace junk food company, Taco Bell is not just stuffing their tacos with shit, they’re making the shells out of shit. Now it would appear that in a serious attempt to improve their image they are really getting creative with their advertising. They are going to stop “Thinking Outside the Bun” and go with “Live Mas!” Fuck yes, that’s going to do it. I can’t wait to get down to my nearest Taco Bell and order a “Doritos Locos Taco.” On the other hand, I’d have to be “Loco” to eat that shit. They hired a new CMO a few months ago, so you can expect the agency review to start shortly. Incumbent, “Agency of the Future” Draft/FCB will no doubt add this account to the list of fucking millions it has lost recently. Time for another “Performance Bonus” for Michael Roth?

Thank God I've still got my other job!

der fuhrer does french!

It’s official… Hitler knocked up a French chick during World War 1, and the fruit of the union was a French guy by the name of Jean-Marie Loret. His mother only told him the somewhat startling fucking news when he was in his thirties, this after he had killed a shitload of Nazis as a member of the French resistance during World War 2. Apparently, Der Fuhrer made sure mum got large packets of cash, boxes of sausages and buckets of sauerkraut delivered by German officers during the war. After she died, Adolf Junior found paintings in his mother's attic signed by Hitler. Including the long sought after portrait of Rupert Murdock. The one with the snakes growing out of his evil fucking head. You can get the same deal every Wednesday with 50% off Groupon’s from Beelzebub Pictures Inc. Tell them AdScam sent you!

Then he hit Japan!