AdScam/The Horror!

droga does dosh… Lots of it!

Droga5 has sucked up to a bunch of millionaires and convinced them to invest lots of dosh in the agency. Ha… Good for them. Compared to pissing money away on the stock of any of the BDHC’s, particularly Interpublic, this is a very smart move on the part of the two rich fuckers putting up the money. Droga5 continues to show that an independent agency, run by a bunch of very smart, heavy drinking and smoking people committed to doing truly innovative work, can succeed. The only other shop that can claim to do that (in spades) is of course, Wieden & Kennedy. Every other agency that signs up with a holding company, is destined eventually to turn to shit. It’s one of “AdScam’s Ten Immutable Laws of Fucking Advertising.” Wow… That's a great title for my next book! Time to get maggot over a celebratory pitcher of goon. Cheers/Droga5.

Dave... Fucking Bonza Mate!

at the sun the serfs are revolting!

The Wizened of Oz stepped off his private Death Ship at Luton airport today and was swiftly whisked away in a black windowed limo to prepare for his meeting on Friday with the extremely pissed off employees of his rancid rag, The Sun, at its Wapping headquarters. The brain dead, soccer hooligans, who comprise most of the readership of The Sun were given a clear sense of the anger inside the newsroom in a column published in Monday’s edition of the paper. Under the headline, “This Witch Hunt Has Put Us Behind Ex-Soviet States on Press Freedom,” Associate Editor, Trevor Kavanagh, denounced the recent arrests of journalists as part of a police investigation into bribery of public officials. Reporters and editors, he said, “are being treated like members of an organized crime gang.” Hey, you work for a criminal, you’re a fucking criminal. Former Murdoch employee, Andrew Neil, who edited the Sunday Times, which used to be a great paper before the Dirty Digger got his paws on it, said… “The Sun has turned against Rupert Murdoch. He has put in place things he cannot stop. The Sun was the most loyal to Murdoch. It was closest to his heart. Now Sun journalists believe he has launched a witch hunt to protect himself. He won’t be welcomed. They won’t believe his promises. They’re sullen. They’re resentful. They feel betrayed.”

In my callow youth in the London ad biz, I worked on The Sun account. It was a fucking nightmare, Murdoch had final say on everything, which meant everything ended up schlocky and puerile. Which is, I guess, what sells newspapers to the unwashed masses. 

What do you mean, there's no fucking money left?

 

 

eat carrots… improve your staying power!

The PETA folks in Britain have come up with yet another subtle, low key, good taste TV spot, about how a woman is suffering from an injured neck because her boyfriend turned vegan and he can now… “Bring it like a tantric porn star.” Hey, you can’t get any more subtle than that. Well, actually you can… The ad directs people to bwvaktboom.com (boyfriend went vegan and knocked the bottom out of me) Fuck me (Ooops, sorry) Talk about “in your face” or wherever. I expect Steve Hall at AdRants to be all over this. Even the fart/frat boys in Boulder wouldn’t stoop this low. Would they?

I love animals, but I hate fucking carrots!

who says money can’t buy everything?

For all you rabid English football fans out there, the big news is that the Premier League’s Tottenham Hotspur are close to being sold in a £450million takeover, according to the Daily Mirror, one of the few papers in the UK that doesn’t belong to the Wizened of Oz, so most of its reporters are not currently in jail. It would seem that Phil Anschutz, owner of entertainment giant AEG, as well as most of Denver and LA, not to mention being the 34th richest man in the USA with a $7 billion fortune, has been in talks with Spurs' current majority owner, Joe Lewis, for weeks. Wait a minute, I thought ex-heavyweight champ, Joe Lewis died years ago. But, what the fuck do I know? Anyway, Anschutz who is an extreme right wing religious freak. Anti gay. Anti booze. Anti everything to the left of Genghis Khan should fit in well at Tottenham! Especially in all those lovely boozers around White Hart Lane. Particularly the Bricklayers Arms on the High Road, which is famous for its “sticky” floor, surly staff, fight proof plastic glasses and pungent aroma!

Tastefully appointed with Olde English classic ambiance!

 

 

how to beat groupon at their own game!

Reading a piece by Keki Fatakia, of The Motley Fool about Groupon’s unsustainable business model, which I have blogged about a couple of times recently, I had a brilliant fucking idea… Here’s what Keki says… Groupon usually deducts a hefty 50% of sales proceeds as a commission for marketing and advertising of deals. The sad part is that it's over and above the discount. Say, for instance, if a merchant sells a product worth $40 at a 25% discount, the price would come down to $30. But after that, Groupon takes a 50% cut, leaving the merchant with just $15 to spare. So, If you see a Groupon offer for something you fancy, using the above math, what’s to stop you going directly to the merchant and offering them $20, or even $25? You get a bigger discount and the merchant makes more money. Everyone’s a winner… Except fucking Groupon. Am I missing something here?

A years supply, normally $40. Now $25. What's not to like?

Keen on cycling… Got a death wish?

I used to be a big cyclist, I still do occasionally, when I can get my fucked up old joints revved up with a pop or two. Well, that’s my excuse, and I’m sticking to it! Many years ago, I was even stopped by an over zealous cop for CUI (Cycling Under the Influence) But we won’t go into that. Anyway, on today’s psfk, tucked in between various fascinating articles on Japanese Used Toilet Paper Origami and revolutionary new designs of Swedish Biodegradable Dumpster trucks, there’s a piece about a compact bicycle that folds up to the size of a large cabin trunk. They also claim that riders cycle in an up-right position to provide better comfort and on-road visibility. Personally, I think it makes you look like a douchenozzle!

You must be fucking joking!

Lin-Pringling!

Big news… Kellogg's is buying Pringles from P&G. First off, as I have posted in the past, this is the shittiest product in the world. It’s not even potato's, And I live in the Land-O-Spuds, so I know this shit. It’s some kind of extruded chemical mess that’s made into those perfect, same size flakes that really dumb fucktards balance on the end of their nose. Well they do in the TV spots… Which are so fucking bad, they make Mentos ads look like they were done by Leonardo Da Vinci. Anyway, the point of this rant is that a douchenozzle by the name of Davis Benoit writes in the Wall Street Journal. “Bank of America Merrill Lynch says Kellogg is playing offense with the deal, and has found a Jeremy Lin-like great fit.” Davis, you turd, what the fuck has this got to do with Pringles. Oh, wait a minute, what about the shitstorm MSG Network started when they showed Lin’s face badly Photo Shopped on a fortune cookie… Does this mean Kellogg’s has a Pringle Fortune Cookie in the works. Whatever they do, the end product will still taste like shit, and the TV spots will be horrendous! 

Only palatable with Idaho Potato Vodka!

There’s weird, really weird and batshit weird!

There are certain people who are so fucking weird, you have to gasp in admiration. According to Gawker, Nicolas Cage, who is obviously madder than a box of frogs, describes his acting discipline as, "nouveau shamanic," which involves "putting on Afro-Caribbean paint" and "sewing bits of Egyptian artifacts that are thousands of years old into my costume and gathering some onyx or tourmaline or something that was meant to have vibrations." Fuck, next time I’m facing a dumb assed deadline, I’ll try that. Then in an interview with Moviefone, he said… “Winning Oscars isn't important to me, in fact, I think that if you go about making movies to win Oscars, you're really going about it the wrong way. I think that it's ... right now, what I'm excited about is trying to create a kind of a cultural understanding through my muse that is part of the zeitgeist that isn't motivated by vanity or magazine covers or awards. It's more, not countercultural, but counter-critical. I would like to find a way to embrace what Led Zeppelin did, in filmmaking." Fuck me… Bon mots, d'jour award, for sure!

See what I mean?

Shit I almost forgot!

Wow, Wednesday is almost over. Don't panic out there. Here for your pictoral pleasure, ephemera from the bunker!

Not on AdScam, he isn't!

Thieves, scoundrels and saatchi!

As further proof that there’s nothing new in the world’s most fucked up business, and people will be fucking bald faced about stealing your shit, I just came across this spot done by Saatchi & Saatchi, Italy. A Hammer hits a light bulb and the hammer shatters, not the bulb. My partner, Joe Massaro and I did it a damn sight better years ago for Qwest at JWT, New York. You can see it along with all our other amazing shit (he said modestly) over at Parkerads.com in the TV section, and the voice over is Willem Dafoe, not some pasta scoffing Italian wanker. I’ll bet Kev “I always wear black” is behind this outrageous “Homage!”

Hey Kev... There's black, and there's BLACK!