A well intentioned rant about the current state of Advertising, with particular emphasis on Big Dumb Agencies (BDA's) Because, no matter how bad you think it is, it's actually a great deal worse!
"Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill pail." George Orwell.
In case you missed it, yesterday, Lance Armstrong was nominated as
of the Year by the Dallas Morning News. No, it isn’t another example of
Texas weirdness, ‘cos the award doesn’t have to go to a hero, it can go to a
fucktard. And as the paper put it so well… “Now the Armstrong brand will be forever
that of a fighter, a survivor and a cunning steely-eyed-liar.” His
fall wasn’t pleasant to behold,” the newspaper said in an editorial. “If
nothing else, it’s a lesson about the perils of hero worship.” They
certainly got that right.
Hey, as a final Friday post… Didya see that Ex Italian Prime
Minister, Silvio Berlusconi has agreed to a
$140,000 a day divorce deal with ex-wife Veronica Lario? Proving that truth
is stranger than fiction, he first met his second wife, Ms Lario, when she was appearing
in a play called “The Magnificent
Cuckold.” Apparently, one of the reasons she divorced him was because… “He is a sex addict who needs help.”
Well, not much more to be said then. But fuck… That’s a shitload of money!
You know things are getting tough when Apple CEO, Tim Cook, is
described as taking a “massive” pay
cut when it
was revealed yesterday that all he made in 2012 was a lousy $4.17 million!
OK, so the year before, he made a staggering $376 million, which would be
enough to pay the entire population of China to work at Foxconn for a year churning
out iShit before committing suicide. But fuck me, how much money does one
person need… Oh yeah, better ask Oracle’s CEO, Larry “I am Ninja” Ellison that. When the world’s sixth richest fucktard
was asked that question, he replied… “It isn’t about the money, it’s about
keeping score.” He then went off and bought Hawaii.
I would settle for the change behind his cushions!
juicy details emerge about Fourth Reich, Mormon Senator “make mine a double” Crapo’s, DUI arrest
last weekend, apparently when arrested, he admitted to the Fuzz that he had “consumed SEVERAL shots of vodka!” Fuck
me, I hope they were Teton Glacier, Idaho Potato Vodka – The license plates
here in Idaho say “Famous Potatoes.” Idaho
Governor “Butch” Otter, who was
DUI’d a few years ago when driving home after winning a “Tight Jeans Contest” in a local
hostelry, should appoint him to the Idaho Potato Board, where he could wax eloquently
about the enervating quality of our lovely spuds. We certainly grow a unique
set of politicians around here. The Governor before “Butch” was notorious for bouncing checks, the Mayor of Boise
before the current one went to jail for fraud. Recently, a State Senator was
DUI’d while driving a stolen truck across a neighbor’s lawn. He begged for
forgiveness and was put on probation, remaining in the Senate, until he was
arrested shortly after for sexually assaulting the women working in his office.
And let’s not forget Larry “Wide-Stance” Craig. Who is now pulling down the big
bucks as a well paid consultant. You just can’t make this shit up!
His mug shot... And just where the fuck had he been dressed like that on a Saturday night?
There’s been a lot of stupid chat recently about how targeted TV
ads are going to revolutionize television advertising by making it possible
to avoid sending “Depends” spots to
teen viewers in the middle of their fucking vampire sit-coms, or pissing
geriatrics off with ads for gang themed “Hoodies”
as they drink their cocoa whilst watching their favorite soap. Apart from the
fact that this will only work on cable and anyone with half a brain pre-records
their programs so they can skip through the commercials… The 800 pound gorilla
in the room is that this will allow advertisers to measure the effectiveness of
individual ads against their pre-determined audience. All that branding
bullshit BDA’s love to throw at clients will be seen for what so much of
it really is… Nothing but smoke and fucking mirrors!
I’m sorry… I know it has fuck all to do with advertising, but I
had to laugh when I read that Kate Winslet (who’s films are always worth
watching) has married
for the third time. OK, nothing funny about that in Tinsel Town… But it’s the
name of the husband… NED ROCKNROLL… Yeah, that’s his fucking name. He changed
it from Abel Smith… Does that mean she is now MRS. ROCKNROLL? And what if they
have kids. The poor fuckers will get the piss taken something rotten at school.
And guess what? Ned is the nephew of ace wanker, Richard “Call me SIR or I fire your arse” Branson, and works in the
Space-Travel branch of the Virgin Empire. To the Moon Mr. Rocknroll!
When, the week before Christmas, Facebook announced it was cancelling
its mobile ad network trial, it didn’t seem to raise as many eyebrows as I
expected. I mean with all the shit ZuckerNozzle has been making about the glorious
“Mobile” future he was looking forward to for Facebook, you have to wonder what
the fuck is going on. A Facebook spokes-nozzle put it this way… "We are pausing our mobile ads
test off of Facebook. While the results we have seen and the feedback from
partners has been positive, our focus is on scaling ads in mobile news feed
before ads off of Facebook. We have learned a lot from this test that will be
useful in the future." Mmmm, I wonder exactly, just what the
fuck that means?
In the land of “What the fuck
could happen next,” there’s an interesting piece over at marketwatch.com
about the possibility that the next big “iThing”
from Apple could be an “iCar.” Yes, a
fucking car. As the writer points out you can only push the variations on phones
and pads so far. And, they are sitting on a cash mountain of over one hundred
fucking billion dollars! They could buy BMW for that and still have forty
billion in the kitty. Even if it looked as fucking lame as Chrysler’s
“PeaPod” Remember Peter Arnell’s shitasmic design that was supposed to
launch three years ago? Well, whatever it looked like, you just know the
AppleTards would be queuing for fucking days to be the first on the block to drive