AdScam/The Horror!

World’s worst designer gets pissy!

You might remember how, a few weeks ago, I blogged about Steve Jobs iYacht that wasn’t completed before GodJobs went off to his iCloud. I pointed out that it was a really fucking ugly boat, and that as the interiors were designed by uber con man, Philippe Starck, they would be even uglier. Well guess what… The boat has been impounded, ‘cos Stark has only been paid 6 million Euros out of his agreed 9 million fee, and now his lawyers are battling Job’s estate for the missing millions. All I can say is that having been forced to stay in a few truly ugly Starck designed hotels during my "Mad Man" career, I wouldn’t pay the fucker NINE Euros, let alone nine million.

Is that a boat or a slab of cheese?

What is it with the flags?

Every time I see a politician or a ten star general, or even ace wanker, Wayne LaPierre of the NRA demanding Cruse fucking missiles in all the schools, whenever they are shooting off their pie holes, they are surrounded by lots and lots of flags, and the politico wankers have Stars and Stripes flag pins in their lapels, or In the case of the half term governor of Alaska, Mama Palin, a diamond encrusted one nestled between her enhanced knockers. But, as someone once said… “If fascism comes to America, it will come wrapped in the flag, waving the cross, and preaching free markets.” Hmmm, that rings a bell. The funniest bit though, is that all the flags and diamond encrusted lapel pins these fuckers love to flaunt are made in Communist China!

What's not to like about flags?

Massage to Wayne LaPierre… Shut the fuck up!

OK… This has nothing to do with whether you are pro… Or anti gun… But after all the shit that has gone down recently, you would think that when the NRA President decides to come out from whatever fucking rock he is currently hiding under… He would have the fucking brains to at least at least do a half hearted mea culpa for the shit that has gone down by another BushMaster wielding psycho…FUCK NO.. It’s everyone else’s fault. You pusillanimous douchenozzle fucktard cretin… Sorry, fucking sorry… But, do these people live on another fucking planet??? Time for the Teton Glacier… Arrrggghh.

No fucking comment!!!

I heart Mayans!”

Obviously, the big question of the day on 12/21/2012 is… If the end of the world has happened, why the fuck are all the BDHC’s and their rancid BDA’s still destroying the once great business of advertising? Why is Laurence “See me in the Corner Gym” Boschetto still sucking the fucking life out of Draft/FCB… And why the fuck is Michael “I Know Insurance” Roth still allowing him to do it? I don’t know about their calendar, but the Maya had the right idea when it came to dealing with wankers… They ripped out their hearts. The problem is, with most of these wankers, you’d have a job finding that particular organ!

It was the closest I could find for Kate Mayan gear!

Facebook continues to fuck its “friends!”

In its continuing quest to liposuction every last fucking dollar from the wankers dumb enough to use it, Facebook announced Thursday that it would begin charging users $1 for the privilege of sending messages to Facebook members with whom they are not connected. Currently, Facebook places messages from a member's friends in their main inbox, while stashing all other messages in a folder marked "other," which most Facebook users never check nor realize exists. Yesterday, the company launched a test that will place messages in a member's inbox for $1. In the moronic words of a FaceBook PR-Nozzle… "For the receiver, this test allows them to hear from people who have an important message to send them." On the other hand, you could always send that important message via email! And in case you’ve forgotten, there was a report earlier this week that Facebook would begin pushing video ads that will play automatically into users' news feeds. Just how many ways can this retarded company come up with in its continuing quest to totally piss off its users?

Your average Facebook-Tard!

Ogilvy wishes you a “Budget” Christmas!

Even as I write this, all the remaining unfortunates at “Hoboken East” are whooping it up at their “Budget Party!” John Seifert, in his Santa outfit, and in the “Spirit of Pervasive Creativity,” will be dispensing the crowd sourced special holiday drinks and treats. I hope the poor fuckers enjoy themselves… Word from my deep throats is that more layoffs are on the way… Someone has to pay for the decorations at the Gramercy Park Love Nest!

Is that who I think it is?

Elementary, my dear Kolstad!

You may remember AdScam was first in bringing to the attention of the ad community, “The Great Canadian Maple Syrup Heist,” a few months ago… closely followed by the impending “Bacon Famine,” and the “Humungous California Walnuts Theft.” What the fuck is a “Foodie” to do? But, not to worry, Professor Kolstad Points us in the direction of the news that at least the Maple Syrup Mystery has been solved with the arrest of 3 arch criminals in Canada. The Mounties are still looking for 5 others. Rumors they have crossed the border and are now in Idaho, has Fourth Reich potato farmers standing guard over their valuable crops. Personally, I am laying in extra supplies of Teton Glacier!

And don't forget the chips!

More nasty thoughts on Commonwealth!

As an update on my last post about the inevitable demise of “Commonwealth,” superior UK ad blog, moreaboutadvertising.com, makes a very good point… GM says this is no more than tidying up, allowing Commonwealth to concentrate on cars: As a SpokesNozzle puts it… “Chevrolet will launch more than 20 products globally in 2013. That is an incredible amount of work for any advertising agency, especially a newly formed entity that is responsible for global campaigns in 140 markets. Therefore, Chevrolet will leverage General Motors’ existing agency network to support the 2014 Silverado launch next year.”

But then as MAA points out… Isn’t the point of in-house agencies, which is effectively what Commonwealth is, to handle everything? Too fucking true, it’s all part of this “Team” bullshit the Poisoned Dwarf is a big proponent of (having conveniently swept the smelly memory of “Enfatico” under the rug.) It seems fucking obvious to me that for whatever reason, Commonwealth aint working. Pretty soon, more bits will start falling off, and it will eventually get “Grover Norquist’ed” in the bathtub of Detroit reality!

Sooner or later, it happens to the best of us!

Commonwealth… The beginning of the end!

Oh dear, oh fucking dear. Even though AdScammers know I am a big fan of Goodby Silverstein + Partners, I knew from day one that the cobbled together relationship between Omnicom and Interpublic was fucking doomed. After all, when you combine one BDHC (Big Dumb Holding Company) together with another BDHC, you end up with an EBDHC (Even Bigger & Dumber Holding Company.) It’s like strapping the Exxon Valdez on top of the Titanic and sending it down a fucking slalom course… It aint going to work. News yesterday that GM is moving all its advertising for Primo brand, ugly truck, Chevy Silverado from Commonwealth to Leo Burnett, Chicago, is the first nail in the coffin lid. It will only get worse. I hasten to add that I have no inside knowledge of this. But, if I was GS+P, I would be sniffing around Honda like a fucking hound on heat right now!

Don't look at me. I wouldn't let my Commonwealth touch fucking Chevy with a shitty stick!

New York Times joins shill of the month club!

I blew my Idaho Potato Vodka enhanced coffee out of my nostrils today when reading the piece titled “The Emperor of All Identities,” by Pamela Jones Harbour in today’s New York Times (Sorry, can’t link ‘cos I don’t have a subscription, ‘cos I spent all my miserly food stamps on the aforementioned Idaho Potato Vodka!!!) Anyway, this TartNozzle goes on and on about how Google is fucking all the other players in the Search-O-Sphere, particularly BLING… Then, when you read her pathetic fucking sign off bio… You discover, surprise, surprise… She is a lawyer (ScumNozzle) at Fulbright & Jaworski, where she represents technology companies… INCLUDING MICROSOFT… Fuck me, NYT… Please, I know MS spends big bucks on advertising, but for Christ’s sake, don’t be this fucking obvious.  Best of all, because of my magic black arts, I managed to skip through the NYT's wanky firewall to get this link to the article… And how did I achieve this miracle of modern digitalt terpsichore?… Where else but via a search on Google News… How fucking ironic!

Pamela... You must meet loveable uncle Goebels. He has so much to teach you!